My husband lies - I caught him lying to me about lunch, what to do?

Hello, I need some advice. My husband lies to me all the time. I always find the lies, and when I do he gets really angry and tells me that I am invading his privacy.

He lies about where he gets things. Like he'll take his lunch to work and then when he gets home I'll find the made lunch in his truck. Knowing that he didn't have any money I asked him what he ate and he tells me the lunch he took.

I love him with all me heart but I can't understand why he would continue to lie to me if he loves me too. I have given him plenty of chances to come clean with all his lies and we can start over and he does and then I will find another lie or two. Please help me. Should I just leave him along and let him lie or is this something I shouldn't let through the cracks?

Takes notes girlfriend..... LEAVE HIM ALREADY. He lies to you about little stupid things....Like his lunch??????? Are you okay????? Does it not make you wonder what else he is lying to you about??? Would you think he is cheating on you???? I would assume so.... I say you leave his ass and go some place you can be appreciated and not lied too.... Do you get me?????

Toronto. Ont

Im sorry but it sounds like he is cheating on you or something very similar to that. How about calling him when he is on lunch and see what he says or his reactions to you calling. Follow hiim or something its better to catch him rather than not have the proof.

How long has he been a liar? Did you know that he was a liar before you married him. If he is always lying about the smallest things then you need to decide whether you can spend the rest of your life with someone that you can never determine when he is telling the truth. He may be cheating or just doing something else that he should not be doing. Girl you better become a detective and investigate to find out what the deal is. You both might need counseling.

I don't think he's cheating...I do trust him somewhat to not think he's cheating but, then again most people who get cheated on say that they would have never thought. As far as the lunch thing that I mentioned...he told me that he ate part of the lunch but when I looked the entire lunch was there. Once I asked him about that he said he didn't eat lunch!!! Come on, who is going to go to work for 10 hours and not eat at all!!! I just don't know what to do. We have been trying to have a child and this is something that he really wants. It just doesn't make sense that he would be cheating. Plus he only gets 30 min. for lunch and he doesn't leave. I don't know but the truth will come out. It always does. thank you guys for your imput.

ok,
my husband has caught the lie syndrome as well. He lies to me all the time about the smallest most stupid things its not even funny. I know he's not cheating and I dont think it has anything to do with that at all. I just feel like he lies, I dont know how to explain it. He tells me he has to lie because he is afraid I will get mad at him about a lot of things which in turns tells me I am too controlling. So now we are working on this together. he says he doesnt want to lie to me and I explained the difference between wanting and doing and I think I have made it pretty clear now. maybe your husband feels the same. maybe they both have problems and need to seek out some sort of lie support group. I dunno but I know that if he keeps lying im gone because I will not spend my life being honest and trustowrthy with someone who the feeling is not mutual. Just a few thoughts. hope something helped. Also, why dont you forward him a copy to this link, maybe the problem is him not realizing that there is a problem. he may think you are just over reacting.

my boyfriend lies to me too. well he lies about where he goes to and who he meets there. sometimes he'll just change the subject and avoid the topic. he lied to me about lunch too. I wanted to have lunch with him but he say he had to go to his grandparent's house. but later on I saw his brother and the brother told me that my boyfriend didnt go to his grandparent's house at all. he went out to somewhere else. obviously there's smth fishy. then, I found out the truth. the prey knocked on my friend's door and told everything. haha. my boyfriend went to this place to meet up with a girl. and till now he's still not willing to say who. I know its dumb. but he lies about other small thigns too. we girls always find out whats going on the and guys always think we duno. I talked to my boyfriend abt it and he said that sometimes he wants to keep somethings from me bcoz if im told abt it, I will think too much and accuse him of things. he doesnt wan mi to get hurt too. I guess all guys who lie have a reason. but wheather its gd or bad, its just better to know. but I wouldnt want a partner that lies to mi, bcoz trust is quite important in relationships and marriages. everything will go wrong if trust isnt there.

I joined the club big time today. Yesterday about 5 minutes before he was to leave for work early in the morning, his cell phone rings. I hear him talking, ask him who it is and he says wrong number. Well, I just went along with it. Last night after he came home I looked up the number. It was a female co-worker. I asked him why she called and why he lied about it. He said that she was seeing if he needed a ride to work because his car was acting up. Says he didn't tell me because he knew I'd get mad. Oh and by the way I called him that morning to make sure he made it to work and asked how the car ran. The same he said. Well this man has a habit of doing things to hurt me and not apologizing. I'm used to it. But then I got an idea in my head. Suppose he was driving to her house and then riding in with her? So I checked . . . Busted . . . there was his car in front of her house. I called him and had a few choice words to say. His response, he didn't really lie, he just didn't tell me! And,he has nothing to be sorry for because he didn't do anything wrong! Well there were a lot more words said but he says he did it because he didn't want me to get angry. Guess what, I am. So I told him either we have an in depth discussion tonight about this car pooling thing or we're done. Funny thing is you know what, he thinks liars are worse than thieves and he absolutely hates liars. One too many lie for me, how am I supposed to ever believe a word he says? Oh and when I asked him how he'd feel if I did the same thing, he says he wouldn't have a problem with it because he trusts me! What does a liar know about trust?

My husband lies about small things too. It use to bother me. But my husband and I have been together for 10 years and we are both in recovery since before we met. Anyway he lied before I even met him according to some members of his family. Anyway my point is I honestly think some people lies are an addiction. I have followed him called on his lunch break gone to where he said he'd be after work and have never found him with another woman just the guys from work. So I wouldn't jump up and say he is cheating, I'd just wonder if he had an addiction to lies. Like he might think it was kind of exciting to see just how far he could take it. You never know. My husband and I have since had lots of counceling to fix this problem and he's come along way. A piece of advice though don't go accusing him of telling a lie all the time or put him down by telling him anything like how can I ever trust you when you always lie men look at that as a mental breakdown and that's sure to push him away. I'd follow him if nothing came of it then I'd ask him if he thought he might have a problem with liying let him know you love him and you want to help do whatever you can to have a healthy marriage. Good Luck

I have been married for 14 years and my husband sounds like a carbon copy of yours. He lies about everything. I mean the simpliest of things. Recently I caught him taking time off work and lying about it. He is a police officer and I'm good friends with his Sergeant's wife. My husband NEVER misses work, for any reason, loves his job because he thinks he's the TOP COP of all time. Anyway, last week, he was supposed to work Wednesday and Thursday night and he up and says "I think I'm going to call in sick", I thought this was odd, but he gets paid regardless, so I thought cool, he was doing it to stay home and spend quality time with me and the kids. So I kept questioning him to make sure he wouldn't get into to trouble with anyone at work, he repeatedly told me no, everyone at work does it from time to time, no big deal. I thought something was a little off about him wanting to call in sick all of a sudden for night shift, but I thought maybe for once his heart was in the right place. I should have stuck to my gut instinct. I got to looking through his pocket calendar in his police work shirt and he had those two days plus two more days the following week already marked off. He had already taken those 4 days off with his supervisor at work, had them preapproved, had concealed it from me, lied about calling in sick and wasn't even going to tell me that he had taken the time off work! So I confronted him, and when I asked him why he didn't tell me about the time off work, he said "well I knew if I told you I wanted to take several days off you would have thought I'd been suspended for something bad", "you'd never have believed that I just took off because I needed time to relax". Never did he mention that he took off to be with myself of his children. So my best guest is he took off so he could have time during the day while I'm off at work so he could be with someone else or go do something else that he doesn't want ME to know about. Oh and did I mention he got caught in Feb. of this year having an affair with a 19 yr. old police dispatcher. So his track record isn't the best right now. He's supposed to be proving to me that he isn't a liar and he isn't hiding things from me. But every time I turn around he is lying about the dumbest things. So I know exactly how you feel. Trust me, if they are lying about little things like lunch and days off work, then they are up to NO GOOD! Find out what he's doing. If your gut tells you that something is wrong, then trust me, it probably is. My life has been a mess since the beginning of this year, and every time I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is doing something wrong he is. He trys to tell me that I'm invading his privacy and that I'm crazy and paranode and that I need to get a hobby and that I'm imagining things, well I know I'm not. And he's just trying to shift the guilt and the blame onto me. He's trying to divert the attention onto me so I won't see what he's doing wrong. I'm going to see a lawyer next week. I've had enough of the lies and deception. I look at it like this, if this man can lie to me over something as simple as taking a day off work, and conceal that from me, and not share that with me, then he is up to no good. He is obviously doing something he shouldn't be, if can lie to me about something that small, then he doesn't have love for me. And I can't be married to someone like that any longer. I hope you find peace, and I hope that what I've written here helps you in some way. Good LUCK!

Wow. All I have to say is there are some serious communication breakdowns going on. You and your husband are partners in life. IN EVERYTHING. Or at least thats how I see it. Call me old fashioned, but if there is no honesty and trust in the relationship, what kind of relationship are you in? How does it make you feel to know you have to 'babysit' your husband to make sure hes not doing something that could be much more hurtful than a lie? I would recommend serisously looking into counseling, both separate and together. This doesn't have to mean the end of a relationship, but I think you both will benefit from the ability to be brutally honest with each other with an unbiased person there to help you both see each others sides. Ask yourself honestly what will my reaction be if I find out he is doing this, or that? Be prepared for anthing, but keep your mind open. Is your husband lying about having time off because he feels smothered, or needs time alone? Maybe he is trying to figure out something big in his life. Maybe he is dealing with problems from past relationships that he doesn't know how to deal with. Maybe he is being a pig and cheating on you behind your back.My question to you is how much does your happiness mean to you? I have been in an unfaithful marraige, and I can tell you from personal experience, wondering if he is always lying, the constant feel of rejection, the lack of intimacy and trust, is a horrible place to be in, and you are better off in the long run if you look out for yourself first. If you both love each other deeply, then you both will try to work out your differences. Sometimes it works, sometmes it doesn't. I wish you luck. Stay strong!!

Some people are just compulsive liars. So much so that they don't even realize that they are doing it. It's a sickness. It will no doubt tear you apart if he does not get some kind of help for it.

Look, my husband lies about everything including his own nationality. He lies to himself and to everyone else. He can tell me one minute he loves me and as soon as I catch him in a lie, he's angry, gives me the silent treatment for weeks even months on end and after saying he loves me he will then say he doesn't care. The truth is if you husband is a habitual liar like mine, you don't even know who he is. If you can live with that, then god bless you. It is killing me and I find I have no respect for him left, which means there is no love. So what is there, dependency maybe? Scared of what it is to come? The fear of going threw what I should have done a long time ago? I guess...who knows. My husband is a manipulater which liars are, they manipulate you to believe what they want you to think, if you stop them from carrying it out, they act as if you are the one with the problem and place the blame on you as if you should be punished for finding out he is a liar. Your the problem because if you would stop looking you wouldnt know any better! Right? How dare you invade his privacy when your being eaten up with a driving force to find out what the truth is, how could you do such a thing? Of course I am being sacastic, the fact that you look means you don't trust and that is not your fault, it is his because the atmosphere you live with is filled with lies. If you don't look, sometimes I don't, I tune out what he says when I start to think he is lying which means for a good part of the time, I can't tell you anything he's said. I live a horrible life with my husband, filled with disrespect, no love, no trust. I'd leave, but how? The bills, the house, the credit, everything will go to hell. Lets not forget the stress of the seperation. In my case, he threatens to leave and never does, we just act as if we live alone. So what is so important that they lie over it to us and then they don't care what they are doing to their marriage. I am at the end, now I have to figure out how to make that a reality. I hope your life isn't as miserable as mine, no one's life should be this empty and lousy to live. So I wish you well and all I can say, is do what you can live with becaue only you will suffer in the long run...like me.

I am so sick of his lies. I am so sick of his excuses of why he lies. I'm sick of being his reason for lying, "because I can't tell you the truth because you get so angry." It's always my fault. Why can't it just end? Where is God in all of this? Why does my husband punish me? I work so hard, full time as an ICU nurse. I juggle the money to pay what bills I can. I do the laundry. I do the cooking. I make the kids do their chores. But I catch him, and he takes the kids someplace so I have to be alone at the house. He hates me so palpably with his actions.

I didn't realise there were so many women out there that had the same problem as me. I have been with my partner for 10 years now and we have a 8 year old son. We have split up twice on both occassions due to the fact that he has met someone else amongst other problems in our relationship which I don't want to go into. Lets put it this way it wasn't entirely his fault.

He lies to me now and again, for example says he is going out for a drink with work colleagues just so he can go out with his mates. But a few weeks ago I caught him with another mobile phone (a different one to his normal one), I said give it to me and he said he didn't have anything. He walked off and hid it and told me I was seeing things, which I know I clearly wasn't. Anyway I forgot about it as there was physically nothing I could do. Then about a week ago he fell asleep on the sofa and I caught him with it again, it said 9 received messages but had a security lock on it so I couldn't read them. He told me it was his friends and that he had forgotten the security lock and he was trying to figure it out. It was the same phone I had seen him with the previous time!!! But he phoned his mate the next day and it was as if he had prepped him ready in case I ever found it. I just don't know what is going on. I don't think he is cheating as previous occassions he has been veil to me and gone all off me but he's not he's still loving and being normal. Could he be using it for porn? The only problem is he puts a pin code on the sim and a security code on the phone so I cannot get into it. Any ideas???

He had this shifty look on his face both times I caught him though and I've seen that look tonight when I went out to him when he was cleaning his van, now I just feel like I don't trust him at all!!