My husband has lied, had affairs, slept with prostitutes

I think I am in shock. I discovered 10 days ago that my husband of two a half years, a man I have been with for nearly 8 years has lived a completely secret duplicit life away from me. He admitted to an affair with his secretary a year ago after I...

discovered love you miss you texts he'd left on the computer. I left. I've been staying with my parents have just been contacted by the best man from our wedding, who hasn't been in touch at all since the wedding. He told me that James was having affairs before we married, had slept with whores took vast quantities of cocaine. I had spent the first 4 years of our relationship nurturing him through a divorce from his 1st wife, it was particually aggressive I ended up having to sell my flat in london, remortgage our cottage to finance the split. I didn't see the money, it was nearly £150,000 I'm now told James spent the majority of it enjoying his stinking, seedy obsessions. James has always professed to adore me, I have moved back to London for him, left my family friends my job. I now know that quite a few people knew what he had been up to he controlled them not telling me by saying I was pregnant would miscarry if I was told. He doesn't know I've been told everything is still contacting me professing regret, sorrow, remorse saying everything I want to hear but it is ALL lies. I can't believe a man that I loved so much could do this to me. It feels like my life for the last 7 years has been manipulated controllby a complete fantasist narcissus, psychopath really. He is 6'5 ex rugby player quite arrogant aggressive, he is v intimidating but has never raised a hand to me, more emotial abuse bullying really. But I am worried to let him know I know, I think he will come out fighting if his house of cards come down. I'm v worried about what my financial rights are, being a second wife with no children. I just don't know what to do. My Father is a Doctor my Mother a barrister they are dumbfounded by this, they loved him believed him too. It is all so abhorrent, I don't know what to do...

Leave his sorry disgrace to the male population, and get yourself a real, honest man.

Wow, that's a lot to take in for you. You are rightfully in shock, and I believe you should take some time off away from him to clear your mind, to be able to make the right decision - an informed decision.

Go away and try to remove yourself from the emotions that tie you to your husband. Since you don't want him to know what you know, just tell him that you need a break. You don't have to tell him there and then that you're leaving him if you think that he may hurt you. Leaving him is the inevitable end to this, I don't think anyone like him deserves a second chance from what he's done. It looks like he's voluntarily and willfully manipulated everyone for years to suit his selfishness.

Your mother will be able to advise you on the legal side of things once she's let the shock pass as well. You can also try to get a restraining order against James if you feel that the situation warrants it.

Sorry to hear that you have to go through this, it's not easy to take in. Be strong, know what you want in life, and look forward to the future, not the past. Good luck!

By the way it sounds to me, you want to tell him you know, and how you feel about it, but you are afraid of his reaction. I would say write him a letter and leave it somewhere you know he will find it. He can read it on his own time and it will also give him time to think things over a little bit, instead of over reacting and getting defensive right away towards you if you were to talk to him about it. It may sound crazy, but the situation is crazy enough...maybe there is an explanation for it all.

While rckjames is funny I dont think thats good like mystery wolf said you need to remove yourself of any affection you once felt toward him and then take every f***in penny he has