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I need advice on this song

Asked by bonita94 8 months ago, 2 answers.

I wrote this, I'm not done with it, yet, but here's what I got:

His eyes sparkle like diamonds
They'll stun you just, walking by
His eyes shine like the sun
They're beautiful,
Just like a, clear blue sky

And I don't know how, he does this to me
And...

I, don't know why, but I, can't even breathe

He has beautiful eyes
I'm so hynotized
He has beautiful eyes
Oh, beautiful eyes

What do you guys think so far?

Me :) Answered by beth_liveyourlife on Mar 07, 2009, 11:29AM
2299 answers
Advisor-small

Very good although try not to repeat beautifull too much it looses some appeal

Answered by xx_the_a7x_parade_xx on Mar 07, 2009, 01:46PM
2878 answers

It sounds ok so far... but it could stand work too.

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