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yeah, it does need more work. I think the transition from 1st stanza to the dream like scene and from the dream like state to reality is not fluid. I dont know how to polish it anymore though, the inspiration to re-work it is not with me anymore hehe though I'd still like for people to know what they think the poem is trying to say.
Thanks for your comment.
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How do you interpret this?
 
but I think you need to polish it a bit
How do you interpret this?
I wrote this poem before and I'd like to know what you guys think of its meaning. I'm really interested on people's interpretation of it. constructive criticism also accepted
Thanks!
Dreams in Black and White
lying beneath neutral sheets of musk...
and lilac,
I see how my fade glistens to hide the color of pain.
in the midst of breaths, of daydreams and rainbows,
a road meandered unto a glimpse of my utopian dream.
flying magnificently to a world unknown.
oblivious to the perils ahead,
stripped to the core.
just you, me, this feeling.
reaching higher and glowing brighter,
with languid movements to this mellifluous stream.
we're blinded by our own luminosity.
scorched by the fire we crafted as one.
you smiled as if we weren't burned
and took my hand towards the rouge flame.
the brilliant heat touched me
I felt brave, enough, beautiful.
I felt alive. I felt free.
it hit hard, I shivered, as if time were wrapped in shiny silk ribbons.
it ended, so soon, yet I still feel it, lingering--
a bleak rouge to my sea of gray.
you pierce like faint bullets.
with traces unbeknownst only to my skin.
because I feel you, in here,
underneath, close, within.
with a glacial stare, you head towards the light.
you couldn't have waited until an inkwell dries up.
but you and I,
we left the corners lit and the pages unfilled.
and you, you stood into a halt.
and I, I could've remained in the dark.
but you are my crime.
my own shade of crimson.
the trail of your blood remains a part of me
as if I had devoured it,
as I had consumed you.
with eyes half-closed, I fought away the dream.
I woke up. breathing against my senses.
and I was still,
still lying here.
drowning.
in different tones of gray.
* I don't like the title much..