How do I know if my teen daughter is doing drugs or having sex?

I want to know if she is having sex or doing drugs. I dont want her to know that I am wondering about this yet. I just need some clues to help me figure it out.

I was readin all these and got a headache. im 13 and I want to help. my mom is not open to me wit this suff at all and I have only heard or stds and aids and stuff from friends and science teachers lol. well anyway, I dont think you should snoop unless you are ready for the truth, and if you do snoop dont let her find out. I think it wud b best to open up to her and again tell her bout your past mistakes and how they did or could change your life drastically. then if she opens up to you and says she took drugs and had sex do not punish her, she will never tell you anything that she would do ever again!! she dosent want o get introuble but b greatfull she went to you and told u
BEST OF LUCK!!! jen funmail me wit any questions

you shouldnt be spying on her because when she finds out your the one in trouble not her . mayby she will be planing on telling you just not now. here is the answer to your question talk to her and tell her how you feel and what your thinking.

First--it is ABSOLUTELY your right as a mother to snoop through her things and spy on her! It's your responsibility to keep her safe and make sure that her activities are healthy. So don't listen to any of these kids around here telling you otherwise! Get your butt in her room. Read her diary, go through her drawers--learn who she is and do it without shame! You don't have to tell her that you did these things if you don't want to cause more problems, but it will at least give you a compass to know where to go.

IT's really hard to tell if your kids on drugs if you haven't really been exposed to people on drugs, or done them yourself. Me, I can spot a stoner kid a mile away. Also a meth kid or coke kid. Kids these days are mostly on pot or meth--they are cheap and easy to get. So focus on figuring out those two first.

The best, absolute best way? Make her a batch of her favorite cookies or dinner, clear everyone from the house for the evening and sit down as her mother and talk to her. Ask her about sex and drugs and boys and friends and tell her you just want to see how her life is going. If it doesn't go well, do it again the next week. If it still doesn't go well, do it again the next week. Do it every week, the girl will eventually realize you care for real and will want to open up to her mom. Don't be judgemental if she has had sex or done drugs or punish her or fly off the handle. Make sure she's being safe, tell her what your wishes are, but realize she is at the age where she's going to do what she wants, regardless of what you say. make home a safe haven for her--not some place she is trying to escape.

Ask her non-confrontationally and just in a loving way to get to know your daughter. SH'ell open up to you.

Depending how old she is, it's not really any of your business if she's having sex unless she wants to tell you. Heck, my parents were cosntantly explaining safe sex to me before I was a teen and honestly, they are the last people I'd go to. If she over the legal age she can do what she likes in terms of sex and it's nothing to do with you. You have no legal say or control over whether she does or doesn't sleep with a guy (or girl). certainly she'll realise things have been moved wither you mention it to her or not if you snoop in her room and she'll trust you less for it. The best thing and onl thing you have a right to do is say she better be practising safe sex if or when that's the case cause you'll kill her if she's contracts a dangerous life threatening STD. Tell her you'd like her do be able to come to you but you realise it's not your choice and you have no say. ignore all the above if she's underage and have a safe sex chat. if she's ignoring the law warn her the guy better be worth it.
The other part, the drugs? You'll notice the smell if she's smoking a herbal drug. And you'll notice the behaviour if it's a a stronger drug in pill form or injected. Again threaten to kill if she contracts any dangerous diseases from injecting. Suprisingly kids appreciate the fact you care even though they get the feeling they'll be in trouble if they get caught.
Not sure about your laws but ours say if drugs belonging to your child are found on the property and you didn't call the cops asap when you first became aware you can lose the property and face charges of criminal negligence for not reporting illegal drug use or seeking pyschological assistance such as drug rehab for the child.
Sounds harsh again but if it's legal drugs again none of your business. The law asserts the childs right to independence cause parents would never let go on their own.

It's good for a mother to have an open line of communication with their children. Talk to her about it. Make her feel comfortable with you. Make her feel she can talk to you about this. The safer she feel, the more she'll confide. Don't make her feel as if she will be in trouble. To me, trouble wasn't nearly as bad as my mom being dissapointed with me.

Well I dont think its any of your buisness if she wanted you to know she would tell you like me and my mom I am 17 and I have told my mom everythin about everything since as far back as I can remember

Birds of a feather flock together, so take a close look at her friends. I started having sex, drinking and smoking pot at the tender age of 13. None of my friends did any extracurricular activity, unless you counted detentions. My friends were always really nice, so you can't go by their attitude(attitudes of teens dont always tell you anything anyway), but more by their actions. If they are drinking, drugging or having sex, it is likely they wont have any interest in school or old activities they used to enjoy. also make sure you know your child's friends' parents. I hope this helps you some,
Oh, yeah, my mom read my diary, found out I was having sex with a boy who was 18 (I was 15)and she tried to take him to court for statitory rape. (The judge threw it out because my mother couldn't produce the diary.) Don't ever do that, I wish she had just talked to me about it, or had she said nothing and just kept a closer eye on me I would have continued to write in my diary unaware. I hated her for reading it and taking such drastic steps, but had she reacted differently, it would have made a world of difference. Good Luck!!

as a teenage girl, I advise you to be careful haw nosy you get. its good to know that shes making good decisions in her life, but you dont want her to think that youd dont trust her either.

Open up and tell her about your past ... it will make her feel more comfortable...

listen I am an expert at figuring out things like that. I am in recovery myself and I've seen it all mood swings , less interest in hobbies or school , different friends are all the first signs. you can bet on that!!

well I wouldnt be too forward about it. dont act accusing if you confront her either. try to be understanding, and remember all the stuff you did when you were her age. maybe share some of your wilder teenage stories. basically, just make things as comfortable as possible, and dont make it seem like she'll be punished if she does those things, but dont leave out all of the consequences that could happen as a result. my parents were funny. my mom said when my brothers were in their teens, she bought condoms and put the on their beds. she didnt want to know if they were doing it, but if they were, then at least they would be safe. lol. I dont know if I would do what she did, but she is very trusting of us.

Take her to the doctor's office, ask for a blood and/or urine drug screening. I don't know how to tell if she's having s*x.

The people saying it is not any of your business are probably kids about your daughter's age. It is absolutely your business what she is doing at all times while she is a child. Kids think they hit 15 or 16 and they are adults, but the are NOT. It is your responsibility to your child to not let her get pregnant, and not make you a grandparent before your time. You have to have open communication with her. Sit down and talk to her.

But its not her job to show that she doesn't trust her daughter, thats the last thing a daughter wants to hear from her parent. Don't shove useless consequences in your daughters face. I am 14 and I feel that having parents disappointed with me is much worse then consequences. You can snoop if you like put DO NOT overdo it. Thats when you start loosing the respect and trust from your troop and that dangerous territory. Just watch her for a while and talk to her calmly..DO NOT cut her off..EVER!! If there is one thing that I can tell you from my experiences, it is to listen to her and see everything in her eyes before you act. Hope this helps..

coming from a teens perspective usually the kids whose parents do spy on them and look in there things are the ones who dont tell their parents. shes not going to come to oyu if your going to just punish her. and if she does find out your snooping around then she'll know your suspicious which wont make ehr come forward either. instead of easking her about it ask her what she thinks about using drugs and listen ot what she says without getting mad. its important for kids to be able to share things with their parents without worrying about getiing in trouble. or they'll never tell oyu.

It is never a good idea to snoop. If she catches you, which is very possible, it will show your daughter you don't trust her and this will just make her rebel. Honesty is always the best way. Sit your daughter down and tell her you want to know if she's sexually active or is doing drugs. Don't say it in an accusing way. Simply tell her that you need reassurance that she's okay, and that instead of snooping, you want to hear it from her. You may think she will be tempted to lie, but in this situation, if you're careful and unaccusing, most kids will answer honestly. It may be scary/embarassing to talk to your daughter about that, but think how much worse it would be if she got pregnant, or ODed. This is how my mother raised me and my sisters, and I have never done drugs, and I only lost my virginity last year, to my wonderful boyfriend of 3 years.
In the end, it's ultimately your decision how to deal. Remember that this is just my opinion, and you know your daughter in a way I never can.

Love & Luck!

are you the parent of a teen? do you and your teen have a great open relationships and can talk about anything--including their sexual activity? if so, a new national television talk show wants to hear from you! please email kristen at Fun mail me asap! thanks!

One I am 13 and if you sneak around and snoop in her stuff and she found out she probably be more likly to tell you less than if you didn't snoop and if she is 13 or older and has a boyfriend chances are shes had s*x and if he is you can talk to her about safe s*x and stuff like that and she could be more open with you most of me and my friends had had s*x but not done drugs

maybe just sit down and have a talk with her.

First of all don't go snooping around and spying on her thats a way to get her to not trust you and not have any respect for you. You should just talk to her and tell her how you feel, getting her to trust you and talk to you will make her feel close to you. I don't have a mom but I have grandma who spy's and sneaks around and that only gives me more of a reason to hide things I don't think she wouldn't be happy knowing. I'd rather have my children coming to me for help rather than her teenage friends who don't know much. If your daughter is doing drugs it isn't that hard to notice, but if you do find out shes doing drugs don't go to hard on her because it will pressure her to run away, and it will make things worse. Today kids are having sex and doing drugs at young ages and nothing can really stop them. I've seen friends doing drugs at school having sex on the school bus and other things. I'd rather have my kids drinking in my house where I can watch them and make sure everything goes fine rather then them seeking off at night, ditching school, staying at places they shouldn't be at, or even doing bad things at school. Being a parent shouldn't have to be about restricting your kids or stalking them, parents are suppose to show their kids that they will always be there for them, someone who will give them advise about ANYTHING, and keeping their kids safe. I am 16 and I've done almost every drug and has had sex. I'm someone a parent wouldn't like to have and I had the strictest parents who kept a close watch on me. Snooping and spying wont stop your kid from doing what they want.

you sound like an annoying mom. shut up.. go away. :D

GIVE HER F***ING SPACE

lmao.!!!. :D

does she look bad and check her room or ask and if she says no take her to the doctor for her body

WELLL, AS A HORNY, DRUG ADDICTED TEENAGER MYSELF, I FEEL I WOULD BE A GREAT HELP TO YOU. :D SIGNS OF DRUG USE:
*TIRED
*EATING MORE OR LESS THAN USUAL
*CHANGE IN FIGURE
*BLOODSHOT EYES
* FLEM *MOOD SWINGS
*CHANGE IN COMPLEXION and many more...
ITS OK 4 HER TO GO AND HAVE THE OCCASIONAL DOOBY, HECK THATS WHAT KIDS DO!!! BUT IF SHES ALWAYS DRUG F*CKED-LIKE MYSELF, I SUGGEST YOU SIT HER DOWN AND MAKE UP A REAL SAD SOB STORY ABOUT THE EFFECTS DRUGS HAD ON YOU OR A CLOSE FREIND DURING your YEARS OF YOUTH, MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY YEARS AGO ;D -THIS CAN BE A LIE, MAKE IT BRUTAL AND HEARTBREAKING. IT'L MAKE HER RECONSIDER HER USAGE OF DRUGS. AND ALSO, ABOUT THE SEX THING, YOU CANT STOP YOUR DAUGHTER FROM HAVING SEX, SHES A FREEKIN TEENAGER WITH RAGING HORMONES FOR GODSAKES WOMAN!!! BUT WHAT YOU CAN DO IS PREVENT HER FROM CONTRACTING AN S.T.D. OR BECOMING PREGNANT BY TAKING HER TO YOUR LOCAL DR FOR CONTRACEPTIVES AND ADVICE ON SAFE SEX.

u shudnt spy on children even if your worried
even if they are your child
if you are worried then sit them down and tlk face to face and confront them.

This is why I'll never want to have kids of my own. Nine times out of ten you'll find me strangling them - especially once they've become teenagers.

Best of luck.

>>>you sound like an annoying mom. shut up.. go away. :D

You're an idiot.

>>>GIVE HER F***ING SPACE

As are you.

Read her diary, check her computer, her cell phone, spy on everything she does, ONLY if you have strong suspicions that she is doing drugs, having unprotected sex and underage. BUT, and I really mean BUT...do not let her know! NO MATTER WHAT YOU FIND! She will feel ashamed and angry and the situation will become worse rather than better. Treat the information you receive as a gift and use it wisely to head her off at the pass! The best response so far was from iichiiuaua. This is what I have done for the past 3 years with my daughter and it didn't stopped the behaviour entirely, but it really slowed it down and I do have the chance to stop her before she does something REALLY stupid.

I got pregnant at 15 and boy was that hard ! I remember my mother not allowing me to do things, such as going to the movies or going to a friends house across the street .But she had NO problem with my then boyfriend coming over . I guess she thought she could control the situation. That didnt stop me. She treated me like I was a burden and never showed love,my then boyfriend showed me the attention I so desired, and of course , I did everything he wanted to keep recieving it. Sex was then that was cool to the kids in my school,they didnt talk about the repurcussions.So I didnt see anything wrong,till I ended up pregnant. It was VERY hard. He was never hardly around and when he was he was cruel and violent,but my mom hated him so it made me want him more. Finally I woke up and dumped him after my daughter was about 3 months. THen my mom tried to become a role model telling me what to do and how to do and if I didnt she took the initiative to do it ,only caused more problems. Needless to say my daughter is now 12 years old. I talked to her about everything there is to know about sex and drugs. I talked to her about this when she was 9. The crazy thing is she asked me. See I dont find these a early age(too young) anymore. While I was pregnant with my daughter in scool , I had to attend a 'special' class and there was a 9 year old pregnant. So I can only imagine what the kids are talking about or doing now of days. Honestly it is your business and its not. They are entitled to their privacy to an extint. My only answer would be to maybe talk to her as a mother and a friend about the sex issue or find a counsler to talk to her about these things . As far as the drugs there are tests they sell to test for these things, I have seen them at walgreens and Cvs. I wished my mom would have at least talked to me instead of yelling and telling and always assuming things. Good luck with your daughter !

Have there been any signs that make you wonder? Like, is she throwing little comments in about drugs (I did this when I wanted to know what my parents thoughts on pot was, when I was smoking it), ex: 'Hm, I wonder why pots illegal when it's in other countries' then my mom would say 'omgsh, it's bad.. blah blah blah' and my dad would say 'Well, it's just b/c the gov't is making a lot of money from catching people.' I have been smoking it for 3 or 4 years and I was dying to tell my parents but just didn't know how. I wasn't wanting help... heck no I loved it to much, but I was wanting them to know just so I wouldn't freak out so much being high around them. Anyways, lol this is awful, but if you want to know if she's doing Coke, you could sneak in her room at night when she's asleep, shine a light in her nose and see if theres any white powder looking stuff in her nose. (Unless she's smoking it) or if theres little cut drinking straws (some easy to snort w/) laying in her room. Meth- if she complains about not being able to sleep, and starts losing a heck of a lot of weight or she might not even complain, she may just stay up all night. And a dead give away would be Aluminum (cant spell) foil or light bulbs laying around, or hidden somewhere in the room. Pills- it's hard to tell if someones taking pills. My parents have no idea , my mom wonders though b/c I got excited one day when she told me her doctors gave her some med's to strong for her, and I asked what kind it was and she said hydrocodone's and I asked if they were speckled and my mom said 'what does that mean' and I said 'are little blue dots on them,' then I realized I said too much and now my mom has wondered. But, now I'm 20, so I'm not that worried about it. Anyways, for the sex part... thats sort of her business, not any one elses. She has choices she can make her self. I'm sure by now she knows what you can catch and what can happen when you choose to have sex. I'd just flat out say 'If you get pregnant, that is your responsibilty and I'll force you to get married' my parents told me that, and it helped me keep my pants on til' I turned 18. lol hope you have a great day, Good luck and God bless.

well let her tell you if she is ahing sex and if she is tell her to use comdoms if she whants to do it and my pearts that I have started to smoke and I buy them in school but it is not there life it is mine and yes I have had sex with my boyfriend and I have not tolled no one that I have had it so let her do what she wants to do and if she has a diary have a look in it to see if she if she is having sex and if she is tell some one like the cops to talk to there our tell there teacher to talk to her and to ask her if she has done it

I would wonder about the drugs but I would like to have sex with your daughter!
to contact me E-mail Fun mail me

Ok hi my story:

I was 9 years old when I had my first period. Ithought I was big and tuff I was already in the 7th grade because of my grades. I Messed that completely up in feburary 2003 I Started doing drugs with the eighth graders. one of them had a 17 year old friend of which I had unprotected sex with---nine times. My mother could tell that I was doing drugs because everyday I came home with droopy eyes and pasti skin. in may 2003 I started forming a baby hump. I went to the doctor because I had morning sickness and was afraid I was pregnent. I was -with a baby girl. I was overjoyed I rushed over to tell the father and he left me. I broke the news to my mother and she broke down and started crying. 11 days later she commited suicide. see I was not the only one of 19 brothers and siters who had an early pregnancy. I was one of 3 my mother was taking care of 22 children ranging from the age of 11 months to 19 years. She was working two jobs and my father 3. I hated my self so much I was about to commit suicide. My father entered me into rehab and I passed with flying colors.remember I was only nine years of age. on november 19 2003 I had a heathy baby girl named LiliRoze. two years later I thought I was through with the worst part of my life when I was raped 12 times by my eight older brothers. I was pregnant again this time with twin baby boys. my father could not handle any more children I never though told him it was my brothers baby boys. they were free while I had to suffer. He put me in foster care. I am now 14 and I have a beautiful 5 year old girland two 3 year old boys.in foster care

just ask her and if not next time she goes to the doctor ask them to do a drug test and stuff like that hope this helps

if you cant prevent the sex make it safe give her condoms

As a teenager myself who has experiemented with some things, but not drugs:
its never easy to tell. especially depending on her friends, but one of my good friends, 2nd in my class, comes to school hungover all the time.
I would not reccomend reading her diary. I know you must want to know who she is, and whats shes really telling you, but she needs trust as a teenager. she writes that only to herself.
its best to just try to talk to her. don't try to be the cool mom, just try to be her mom, and care about her as best you can.
it may not always work out, but as her mom, its your job to take care of her.
and, if you are concerned, a teacher or someone who knows her well, a friend's parent or an older/younger sibling, even other kids could probably tell you what you need to know.
and please, always preach safe sex if not abstience.
the more you hear it, the more you think.
good luck.

Hi,
Honestly, depending on her age is when you know its safe to snoop. I'm sorry if shes 13-16 you should snoop to see. I'm 18 years old and recently I've started having s3x but I've been really safe. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I'm on the pill and he uses a condom, as far as I'm concerned you should talk to her about safe s3x because as a mother thats all you can really do. And the reason (if she is doing drugs or having s3x) she hasn't told you is probably because you're overprotective and she knows you'll freak! Thats why I haven't told my parents. I think you should sit her down and talk to her... DON'T LECTURE HER! she won't listen just talk and see where that gets you.

Sit her down and ask her. If she lies, then she lies and there is nothing you can do about it. But its worth a try.

And by you asking her about it, she might be worried about getting caught or nervous about why you think that, so maybe it will cause her to get enough of a conscious to stop.

if you do decide to talk to her then be careful on how you go about it.

a lot of teens [myself included] dont like to be interrogated with questions as to whats going on.

the only thing she really needs is time.
as a teen and not an adult, she will more than likely tell you if its something you NEED to know.

but please, dont nag about the little things. it only makes the situation worse.

ok so the one think I would never do is go through her stuff. I mean its her stuff and you really dont have a right tuching it I mean how would you like if she dose that to u?? I think you should talk to her get her trust tell her you love her and you are a consernd. Dont like threten her at all just be there for her if she needs you and make shore she nows your thare and your a person she can trust who wont just jsut give motherly advice but friend advice too. She nows right from rong witch you should have tot her now what she dose is her chice just be there for and and let her now you wont to anithing CRAZY without her aproval. I can go to my mom for anything because I now she wont juj me for it or tell anyone and I love her for it!!
hope it helps

check her vag for semen and condoms full of heroin...lololololol

p.s if this is your daughter call me 04103500407 im mitch!!

I dont know how to tell if she is doing any drugs, but if she's drinking then she might gain weight. The sex thing will probably come when she gets a boyfriend for a lil while and then is always asking to spend the night at her bestfriends house. if you want her to be open with you then frequently talk to her about it. Make sure you let her know that no matter what her decision is that you will always love her. If she tells you something like she was thinking about sex, then dont get mad!!! If you get mad then she wont come to you again for any advice.

the best thing to do is not to spy and talk to her

The best thing you should do I don't crowd her. Im 18 my mother didn't trust me asked me if I was doing drugs or having sex. So end up leaving home and doing all of those things

well first of all you could out and out aske her but I'm guessing by lack of background that she wouldn't tell. Find out where she is going, ask her friends. Do whatever you can. Try to get closer to her and become better friends. Also you may want to keep watch on her cash flow. I f she earns a ton then spends it all on who knows what that's a hint. Try to make her understand you want to be a part of her life but not such a huge part that she is suffocated. Keep track of where she is going and who she is hanging out with. And watch what time she gets home and how she acts when she does. Just keep track of her and her life and know you are her mother. As a worried parent you have ar ight to snoop.

I know I sound like a big dumb ars if I say this but:Let her go out on her own for the next month.Observe the changes in mood and attitude.If she is acting a little mature for her age...Like a parent, most chances are she had sex.And no such thing as safe sex!!!DUH! If she is acting like a moron she did drugs.

Good Luck,
Parent Of Six

as a teen myself, I would have to say going through her things especally READING HER DIARY, is not the best thing to do. I had my mom do this same things to me. she read my diary, my notes from friends, looked through all my dressers, and even tried to listen in on my phone conversations. Its not cool and all, I lost myself completely. WHy cant you just talk to your daughter? For you to be an adult, snooping through all her stuff is really immature. It doesnt matter that shes your daughter, she deserves privacy. My diary was something sacret, after my mom read it...It felt useless to me. It was no longer the only one who new my deepest thoughts.

I dont understand why parents cant just talk to their children anymore...It isnt THAT hard.

it is also kind of pathetic that a parent would rather snoop through their childrens PERSONAL things than to just sit and talk.

why dont you just aassk her

OLD AS HELL THREAD!! but ill answer as I would...

WHO CARES IF SHE IS!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?

??RANDOMIZED??

okay.
first..
im a teen myself.. im 16 and I hva a problem with my boyfriend.
he does drugs. abuses me physically and sexually.(don't worrry about me im taking care of it with the police)
and stuff like that.
I've had sex consenually about 3-4 times(I have a very guily conseience about that)
I ahv smoked and done drugs and stuff BUT im getting help..

just!
confront her about it. it wont hurt you or her.
TAKE IT FROM MY EXPERIENCE!

take her to the doctors or go to cvs and get home drug tests... thats what my mother did nad I got caught or...I don't know if you have already done that...

okay I'm almost 16. I have a boyfriend that my mom likes to acuse me of being sexual with even though I'm not. don't just acuse her of doing it I would say sit her down one day and just ask her and tell her the outcomes of them and that if she has unprotected sex she can get AIDS and HIV .

just sit her down, tell her that shes not in trouble if she tells you now. if she tells you onestly that she isnt doing it, let her go. if she tells you that she is, let her know that its wrong and that she cant do that again a dont get mad. some kids just do it again to show them that getting mad and grounding doent work.dont get mad. just let her feel that you dont want her doing that because you care too much. if I got in trouble like that, I would want my perents to not force me but to explain that its bad. after that talk, shell think about how much youll be hurt. and if your kind she will care more too. it kinda brings you and her together.

im 17, and I think you should snoop too. just dont let HER know about it.. its your responsibilty to know that she is safe. if you do find something, try to bring it up. I mean if she is having sex..then just have a sex talk or somethin. dont embaras her or nothin, just be like 'you're at the age when you begin to experiment.. I just want to know that your safe so use protection at all times' yada ydada.. offer her to take her to a clinic to get birth control or somethin. If your daughter is on drugs, I think you definatly need to find help. I have never had a problem with drugs, but I do know that if your daughter does it would probably be a bit obvious. Kids experiment. you probably did too. But if your daughter is smart she'll take care of herself...

1. do not get mad and if you are don't look it teens won't talk to a B*tchy parent.
2. remind her that there are no consequences coming from you, all you want to do is fix any problems
3 (most important) be close to your kid her best bud, it's easier for her to know you care when you show it.

YOU SHOULN'T SNoOP AT ALL!!! My mom always accuses me of doing something wrong and I can honestly say that I am good and I don't do anything. My mom pushed me away and ruined my close relationship with her. Let your daughter know that you care about her a lot and you just want to guide her in the rite path. Be open with her. Be like a friend and just give advice. Nobody is perfect..if she is , CALMLY, tell her the consequences of what could happen if she continues. She'll figure it out from there and it will bring you closer to her if you are open and don't yell at her. Snooping is the worse thing you can do and it will only push her away from you