How can I get him to say he loves me?

After 9 months, my boyfriend still hasn't said he loves me. He shows me in a million ways, and is very good to me, but the words never come out. We are committed, see each other often, and I really think he does love me. Help--I keep being tempted to say it to him, but I want to hear it!

Why men hate saying I LOVE YOU

Is it true that men hate saying I love you? Most women live to hear those words. They grow up expecting love happily ever after. It is this quest to find love and hear those three little words that keeps most people going, even the cynics.

My male friends - who are my sounding board - tell me that men find it hard to say I love you. Whereas women seem to say it at the drop of a hat, men are reluctant. I don't know if it is machismo, you know the idea that real men don't show their feelings or what, but for most men those three little words are taboo.

Think about it. A man will make passionate, all-consuming love to a woman and yet find it hard to let the words out. It's as if he thinks he will choke or the Lord might just smite him for saying it. I suspect that it has something to do with control.

He feels vulnerable because, if a woman were to ever hear those words, she would expect to be in control; she would expect commitment; she would want a quick follow-up with the natural question (at least from a woman's perspective) of will you marry me?

Men who like to think that they are in control of their lives panic at the thought of a woman having so much power. If she knows that he loves her to distraction, she can play him like a puppet and get him to do things he would never have done otherwise. Depending on your perspective that could be good or bad.

On analysing it, one could conclude that when anyone tells someone that he/she loves them, things have graduated from a passing relationship to a situation of permanence. Men and women alike expect certain things to flow from those three little words.

I love you means commitment, that is, we not only think of ourselves but what the other person wants or needs. All that we do, we now do with that other person in mind - or should.

For a woman, it is usually a signal that she should start looking at wedding magazines and keep an eye out for the perfect dress. She imagines wedding bells, the honeymoon and babies. She can't help it. It is all in her DNA, just as it's in the man's DNA to run for the hills, because saying it will be that albatross around his neck.

I think that is why men fight saying it, never mind that they say it in other ways. By their deeds, you shall know them. When a man loves a woman, he could buy a muzzle and sew down his tongue, she will usually know simply because a man in love gets mushy and maudlin and is always doing for her.

So, ladies, don't panic if he isn't saying I love you. What you need to do is see how he treats you. If he loves you, he will treat you like the queen you are. He will not try to hurt you; he will do his darnedest to keep you happy.
I have another secret.

If you truly know your man, you will know whether he loves you or not. You won't need to hear those three little words. Unless you happen to be involved with the lowest of the low, a man who is loved, who gets nothing but love, can only react to that love, over time.

Usually it overtakes him and, before he knows it, he is sunk, wondering how the hell did this happen. It is that sudden realisation that will scare a man, but it is how you deal with it as a woman that will cement the relationship.

I believe in letting go and letting love: no fanfare, no ultimatums. When you water a plant, it grows. If you over-feed it, it will wilt. So, in love, you can kill it by being too possessive and certainly by being obsessive. It is in loving without expecting that love redounds.

(ahem) sweetie all you need to do is get a can of olives, put on the counter or soemthing then stand by it and say, "Olive Juice"(it sounds like I love you) and if he says what say do you want some olive juice and if not then umm I dont know. lol good luck

(ahem) sweetie all you need to do is get a can of olives, put on the counter or soemthing then stand by it and say, "Olive Juice"(it sounds like I love you) and if he says what say do you want some olive juice and if not then umm I dont know. lol good luck

you women! who cares if he doesn't say those three words, but if you really want him to tell you that you have to start it. men by nature are not overly romantic so the lovespeak does not come easy. however, say I love you five or six times and he'll catch on

you women! who cares if he doesn't say those three words, but if you really want him to tell you that you have to start it. men by nature are not overly romantic so the lovespeak does not come easy. however, say I love you five or six times and he'll catch on

ummm, if he loves you he'll say it.

it's only been 9 months, what is your f'ing hurry>? Jeez, if after 9 months my girlfriend said she loved me, I'd be gone out the wall, bugs bunny style.

Trust me when I say this, you will have to tell him first. Who finally made the first move? I bet it was him. It is your turn to be brave and tell him. If he doesn't say anything, so what! You are young and you have many years to hear some one loves you. Good Luck my Dear!

Why not just tell him you love him? If you're right about the way he feels, then he'll probably say it too... try throwing it into some romantic scenario, so that the words really mean something. One thing that I've found is that they can be really powerful words if used in the right situations. However, don't forget, they are only words... and actions do speak much louder

Your advice isn't kind, or particularly helpful, and I'm thrilled I'm not your girlfriend.

You can't make him tell you he loves you! Maybe, he just wants to be REALLY sure he does love you. Some guys don't want to say "I love you" until they are absolutely sure of what they feel! If you get what I am sayin'??

Maybe, you should try talking to him about it. Or maybe he's shy, why not try telling him you love him??

~Heather~

well why dont you send him a text or email saying how you feel and that you love him and see what his response is. I think he probably does love you but isnt used to saying it to a girl. Remember steady relationships where you take things slow are the best.

I am going through the same it hurts but in my case it has been 2 years. so now what I can feel the affection but he has told me that he doesn not 'LOVE' me but action speak louder than words so they say,I can feel it so that's why I stay, they are all the same ...

ok hun im only 15 so maybe you wont even pay attention but all this people who are telling to tell him first are wrong I mean you can to that if you want but no hun, just cause the guy hasnt said I love you dont mean he doesnt, actions speak louder than words honey so if you say he treats you nice and all that good stuff realize and think about how he might love you but hes not telling because he wants to show you, think about it wouldnt you rather for him to show then just tell you and not mean it, then again it has been a pretty long time and he hasnt told you anything but hun the best thing to do is talk with him about it and tell him how you feel and let him tell you how you feel,well hun good luck im sure everything will be ok but for more advise fun mail me

First of all, how old are you? It might seem like age doesn't matter but it does, {just not for the reasons you might think}
If you are teens well, maybe he has never experiennced this type of emotion and is afraid to admit, or commit.
If you are young adults, well the same really applies.
If you are the age where most likely you have been in love in the past there can be a fear of leaping into something that caused so much pain in the past.
Any way you look at it, I would much rather have a man that doesn't shout it from the roof tops but shows me day after day how important I am.
Instead of a man telling me how much he loves me all the time to distract me from the fact that he is really an idiot.
I don't know if this helped, but I sure hope you realize you are a pretty lucky girl.
Clo

why don't you ask him ''do you love me?'' then see what he says.

LOL I am in the sam eboat its been 10 months and he hasnt said he loves me , but I really know he does because of how he treats me and so on, I want to hear those words too believe me, I was thinking of just asking him one day, ' do you love me'? but I havent gotten up the nerve yet .

Same boat. Eight months. I'm going away to FL for a few days, and I'm hoping he will drop it prior to that.. I don't know.

I could just be commitment issues? I don't know. But I'd rather wait and wait and have it be insanely spectacular when he finally says it because I'd know he MEANS it, than for him to say it just because it's what I want to hear.

Be patient. It'll be worth it. )

Dont press for those words to be spoken. If he shows you he loves you and you feel it that's most important. Many guys say I LOVE YOU, yet they flee their not in it for the long haul, they tell ya what ya wana hear. Slow and steady wins the race.

GOOD LUCK

I am in a different boat. My husband didn't have a problem with it before we married. A year after our marriage, he just quit saying it cold turkey. No reasons, no explanations. I asked him why, and he doesn't have an answer. I still want to hear it. After all, it's been almost 23 years!

my partner told me that when he was 100% ready he'd tell me he loved me.. we have now been together 7 months and are both in our late 40's.. he said he'd been hurt twice before and had built a wall up and that the wall had to come down before he could tell me he loved me.. he then went through a spell of saying 'ditto' in reply to my telling him that I loved him..last week he said again that he couldn't tell me that he loved me yet, but a few days later, out of the blue, he told me he loved me.. he said 'I love you, you know that I do'.. yes I did know, he treats me like a queen, like no other man ever has, but hey, nothing beats hearing those 3 little words.. but I'd rather wait and know they were genuine.. and I did ask him if he loved me.. he never said he didn't, just said he wouldn't say it untill the time was right.. there is a risk telling someone you love them.. they may run a mile, but at least then you aren't wasting your emotions on someone who doesn't want them.. just remember that falling in love can take time, but for the right person its worth the wait., but you can't get anyone to say they love you unless they want to.

I am a guy and I say I love you to my girlfriend a lot. however she cant say it back. I think its because people just don't want to say it. has he said it to anybody befour? ask him. find out. he is your boyfriend.