How can I have a life with my parent's strict rules?

How can I make friends. Everyone I meet hates me. I'm 13 years old. I've been home schooled most of my life and It's really hard to meet new people. My parents also never let me do anything. I'm not allowed to wear skirts above my knees. I'm not allowed to talk to boys. I'm not allowed to wears heels. I'm not aloud to watch teen nick or the disney channel or dating shows. I'm not allowed to dye my hair. I can't get my ears pierced till I'm 15. I'm not allowed to have a sleepover. I'm not allowed wear makeup. I'm not allowed to buy some CD's. I want to change my life and do something different but how can I when my parents barely let me breathe? I want to meet friends. I want to throw a sleepover. I want to go to a party that's not someone's birthday. I'm 13 years old and I've never even kissed a boy. I'm not allowed to talk. my parents wouldn't let me date in a million years. I want to get out there and try new things but I don't know what to do? Can someone please name a few things I can do as long as I don't violate those rules. Do you think I should sneak around and date a boy? Please help me.

I dunno, but parents like that usually over protect their kids and when the kids grow up they go wild and just want to live life to the fullest...even if it means sleeping around..blah..thats only a few girls I know though

Parents like that bug the crap out of me, they need to learn to give you some space. Why do they have to bust down on you? How would they like it if they couldn't do ANYTHING they wanted. I know you can atleast have sleep overs and hang out with friends.

But you are 13, as far as wearing mini skirts and going to parties (I dont know what 13 year olds have parties, I dont even know what they do at them, I hope you dont mean alcohol) I don't think you should worry about that.

To the people hating you: They have no reason to hate you, just because you cant wear mini-skirts and wear make up doesnt make you a horrible person.

About dating a guy on the side: I wouldn't , your parents would catch on soon enough, im sure once you start talking to him on the phone they will not let you talk to him or even listen in on the conversations. And they could freak out.

What you could do is if you have an eye on a guy at school, talk to him, be a bit flirty, and he could introduce you to friends. You can have a relationship such as holding hands at school and all that. Just stay pure.

I answered your other question about wanting to dress more girly. Some of my advice won't work now that I know more background.

Look--I grew up the very same way as you! My dad was soooo strict. There is a fine line between obeying parents and experimenting out on your own a bit. I am not a big fan of telling girls to go against their parent's rules. Unfortunately until you are 18, you have to live by them for the most part. You seem like such a sweet girl. I really want you to understand that just because you are so confined right now doesn't mean that you have to bust out and go nuts and be rebellious and promiscuous and flirt (or worse) with boys the nanosecond you are given a chance. You are not going to be confined forever!

You are at the age where it will be a bit easier to start sneaking little things here and there without your parents around. You will start to make friends soon that will help you, too. Lip gloss, make up, certain kinds of clothes. I did that, too. When you are out with your parents, try to get them little by little to allow things for you to see exactly what is unacceptable. Try complaining that your lips are dry and pick out some pink tinted lip balm.

It''s truly best for you to just abide by your parent's rules and realize that when you're 18 you will be able to make your own decisions. Note: making your own decisions is not the same thing as going apey and doing EVERYTHING you were not allowed to do. keep yourself in check and in control and be wise about your decisions.

It sucks when you are given to parents that have these strict rules--but they fear something in society sooo strongly that they want to protect you with armor of steel. That is not a terrible quality for a parent to have--they're just scared. They don't realize that if they don't loosen their grip on you, that you will wriggle free and go nuts and rebel. So don't punish them for what they are doing by becoming the thing they fear, as so many young girls do.

Just be polite, feel free to tell your parents that you are curious about make up and hair and clothes that are more feminine--it's normal to feel this way (don't let them tell you any different!). Even ask mom to help you start picking out stuff that's a bit more grown up now that you are entering your teens. Ask her what her what a teenage girl should dress like--surely she realizes a 13 year old dresses different than an 8 year old. Hopefully she'll understand. Just speak rationally and logically and don't be ashamed or confrontational about it. Be prepared for them to freak out--but if you're frank and mature about your approach, just that you're curious about these things and you want their input about it, maybe they'll speak rationally to you about and give you some insight.

But if you are absolutely about to go nuts and want to try some things, just try the little things. Maybe sneaking that lip gloss or something from time to time that makes you feel more grown up. Just keep yourself in check and don't go crazy, girl!

I am 32 years old now and I love my high heels and dresses and make up and yes--BOYS! There's a lot of fun to be had when you grow up a bit more. Just for now develop your personality and be patient. Take down your ponytail and try making friends that are like you at school. It all comes in time.

Oh--and I was FIFTEEN before I had my first kiss. Don't worry it's nothing to write home about! Take your time! How do you make friends? It sounds like you are in public school now? Try looking around at school for someone who looks kind of like you, dresses like you, etc. . Hopefully in one of your classes. Start making conversation or just say, 'I'm new here, do you mind if I have lunch with you today--it's kind of lonely around here.'

Just give it a shot!

No, don't sneak out and date a boy....you know that's wrong and it would crush them....doesn't seem like it now but you really do have plenty of time....as a parent, I wouldn't be quite as strict, but what comes through in what you said, they Love and Care for you very much and only want the best for you....keep you safe (may not know how to tell you that but they're trying their best to show it)....you'll look back and be very thankful....so for now, bide your time and remember 'this too will pass'.

Good Luck and God Bless !!

Ever heard the story of the filial child? You must cry tears to make the bamboo shoots grow to feed your sick mother. Lie in our parents bed to warm it for when they go to bed. Obey their every whim? Sound familiar? Sometimes it's a cultural or religious thing. Sometimes it's a fear of letting you grow up incase you leave them for your own life. (okay we all know we want to leave our parents and have our own lives. The consolation of visits aren't enough sometimes) Talk to them. Let them know you understand they have their reasons for these rules but you have yours for wanting to rebel. Write a list of the really frustrating ones and compromise. Write down what your offerin to compromise and where possible a second offer for compromise.
e.g. You hate wearing long skirts. You'll compromise with skirts will be no shorter than *insert number* of inches above knoee and when wearing shorter skirts you'll agree to wear opaque tights to avoid showing too much flesh. (black tights under a short skirts were fashionable out here) Second idea choose your own styles of jeans and skirts (skinny leg styles are very flattering and attractive without showing anything and there are some styles of longer skirts which can be quite fashionable or stylish)

NO! do not sneak around, that'll just cause more trouble. yes your parents are EXTREMELY strict but some of their rules are just to help. I understand they are probably just trying to protect you but you need to explain to them that you are becomming a teenager and as you get older, you are going to want a little more freedom and more responsiblities. Try making a deal with them, no boys till 16...and at 16 you can maybe 'group' date. no make up till maybe senior year. I dont know, just try talking to then in a mature way. dont whine, cause then they will see you more as a 6-year old than as a 13-year old. good luck and you are in my prayers! - a friend named J

Wow, I cringed when I read those rules. Ok the skirt thing, its hard to sit in short skirts, so you are lucky you dont have to deal with that. lol im trying to lighten things up a bit. Find cute flowy skirts that are at knee length, not some long jean skirt you'd see some librarian wear.

About the tv and cds, take your parents to target or walmart (cheap cds) and let them listen to cds you like or songs from cds you like, make sure you sing along to them and show them how much you enjoy it, if your parents are human they will want to see you happy. Sit your parents down and watch one of the tv shows on disney with them and again show them that you enjoy it. a lot of disney shows are geared to morals and stuff so I dont see how it could be a bad influence.

Dont dye your hair and im not saying that because itll make you a slut, which dying your hair doesnt, im being a smart alleck, its messes up your hair. I have dyed my hair and wish I never did it. It dries it out and make it look frizzy. bleh

Ear piercing, such a 13 year old want, when you get older its not such a big deal.

As for the sleepovers, pick 1 or 2 friends you know really well, have your parents talk with their parents (in person) so they know more about their families( it makes parents feel more comforatable) pick out 2 movies and have them approved by your mom and dad and have the sleep over in your living room so that way its out in the open and your parents dont have to worry about you in your room with the door closed.

As for boys, talk to them at school, what are your parents going to do about that, ease into the whole guy thing. Guys are immature and most are ugly and smell and the good looking ones are jerks, so dating isnt that great.

Make-up, seeing as you are 13 I doubt you will need cover up or foundation, ask for light colored lip gloss and maybe some eyeliner ask your mom if you could do some light make up and ask her to show you how. Better yet, ask her, and this is so sucking up be like mom where'd you learn to do your make-up so nice and ask her to show you how to do somethings but dont ask for too much at once.

Basically approach your parents in a mature way and INCLUDE them in your changes, dont let them feel like you are changing and they arent involved, let them stay apart of your life, itll make things easier.

If you need more advice or want to talk im great at giving advice so just post here and ill be glad to help you. It might help to know more about how your parents are with rules and stuff, like are they really religious? Ill be able to help better

Wow, I cringed when I read those rules. Ok the skirt thing, its hard to sit in short skirts, so you are lucky you dont have to deal with that. lol im trying to lighten things up a bit. Find cute flowy skirts that are at knee length, not some long jean skirt you'd see some librarian wear.

About the tv and cds, take your parents to target or walmart (cheap cds) and let them listen to cds you like or songs from cds you like, make sure you sing along to them and show them how much you enjoy it, if your parents are human they will want to see you happy. Sit your parents down and watch one of the tv shows on disney with them and again show them that you enjoy it. a lot of disney shows are geared to morals and stuff so I dont see how it could be a bad influence.

Dont dye your hair and im not saying that because itll make you a slut, which dying your hair doesnt, im being a smart alleck, its messes up your hair. I have dyed my hair and wish I never did it. It dries it out and make it look frizzy. bleh

Ear piercing, such a 13 year old want, when you get older its not such a big deal.

As for the sleepovers, pick 1 or 2 friends you know really well, have your parents talk with their parents (in person) so they know more about their families( it makes parents feel more comforatable) pick out 2 movies and have them approved by your mom and dad and have the sleep over in your living room so that way its out in the open and your parents dont have to worry about you in your room with the door closed.

As for boys, talk to them at school, what are your parents going to do about that, ease into the whole guy thing. Guys are immature and most are ugly and smell and the good looking ones are jerks, so dating isnt that great.

Make-up, seeing as you are 13 I doubt you will need cover up or foundation, ask for light colored lip gloss and maybe some eyeliner ask your mom if you could do some light make up and ask her to show you how. Better yet, ask her, and this is so sucking up be like mom where'd you learn to do your make-up so nice and ask her to show you how to do somethings but dont ask for too much at once.

Basically approach your parents in a mature way and INCLUDE them in your changes, dont let them feel like you are changing and they arent involved, let them stay apart of your life, itll make things easier.

If you need more advice or want to talk im great at giving advice so just post here and ill be glad to help you. It might help to know more about how your parents are with rules and stuff, like are they really religious? Ill be able to help better

hey hun. youl be thankful in the end.
your parents obviously care for you soo much they are just worried.
the best thing to do, is to ttalk to them, tell them that you love them
but theyre living your life instead of you living your own. you live once
they had the freedom why cant you. your a trust worthy daughter, and
if they loved you they should start bending the rules. tell them you feel
like a prisoner.. like a bird in a cage with clipped wings. you dont have to
neceseraly be FREE just have your wings your old enough to make your
own decisions. If your polite and talk to them instead of fighting they should
understand you. I hope I helped. tell me how it goes.

and as for sneaking around.. that will give you more rules. dont do that.. youl loose theyre trust and theyl never let you leave the house.. if you are allowed to hang out with girls, then just go hang out with boys how would they know? right

I'm not allowed to wear skirts above my knees.-- to adults it looks very innapropriate and sleezy
I'm not allowed to talk to boys.-- boys are mean at 13 and just fool girls and hurt them
I'm not allowed to wears heels.--not appropraite for a 13 year old not even a 16 year old..it looks awkward
I'm not aloud to watch teen nick or the disney channel or dating shows.-thats dumb..
I'm not allowed to dye my hair.-natural beauty is beautiful
I can't get my ears pierced till I'm 15. -its disrespecting your body in their mind
I'm not allowed to have a sleepover.-they dont want you becoming like other misbehaved girls
I'm not allowed wear makeup.-- people in highschool wear makeup.. elementary school children look reeally horrible wearing makeup
I'm not allowed to buy some CD's. -bad language..

those are my thoughts.. there doing it to protect there beautiful little girl dont worry as you get older the pressure will loosen

dariajelonek are you kidding me?

heels? do you know how many girl wear heals to homecoming in HS 14 year old girls are are freshman in HS you cant not let them wear heels to that.
Shes going to see bad behavior in school, all she has to do is become friends with girls who are good girls like her DUH!! and let her parents and their parents get to know each other and become friends too.
The cds? bad language? pick cd's w/o bad language examples: Hilary Duff, Hannah Montana, any of those other kids who sing on disney. Those songs are 13 year old girl type songs. Pop-bubbly wholesomeness at its peak.

well jeez I obviously am excluding celebrations and grad.. I thought she ment as a normal routine thing,

I can see that but how about the other stuff like if she has sleep overs she'll become like other misbehaving girls, do you really believe that? and you do know there are cds out there w/o bad language.

her parents, instead of sheltering to the hilt need to be teaching her to make good choices and without seeing what bad choices you could make how would you know what the good ones are?

nahh im not saying that im saying her parents feel shes better than everyone and dont want her to be like rude little girsl Its normal to us but home schooling takes a lot of self disciplin and thats how its been its hard to get it easy after being in such a proper family MAYBE I dont know im guessing? why else cant she have them

Because her parents are those freaky type of parents who are control freaks and deprive their kids till they are 18 and move out based on stupidity and thinking what they are doing helps.

Have you ever heard of wife swap , well if you have the parents of this one family didnt let their girls go anywhere, have any friends over, made them clean random things(that were already clean), had entcoms through out the house and would listen in to their coversations or whatever they were saying and ok brace you self for this.. THEY HAD CAMERAS IN THEIR DAUGHTERS BEDROOMS.

Strict parents just bring out this inner rage in me, I cant stand them.
These kids who have outragously (whats the other word im looking for when parents do stuff that rediculos like not let a 17 watch pg-13 movies ) well they need to be saved from those parents.

hey girl who wrote this topic so hows things going? has any of the advice helped?

okay so basicly what your saying is your parents are planning 2 put you in a convent lol joke joke kk well I've got a little bit of advice for you. My mom is stricked but she isnt that bad but I think I have something 2 help you. Ok here I go. Being outgoing is hard it took me 13 years to do it but I did it so I think you can too Pretend everyone is teddy bears or think of life like this your probably never going to see the people you meet again and life is short and..if there is a heaven..when you do go there people im asuming wont care so just say random things be loud and friendly talk 2 people if you see someone having a hard day say hello or give them a smile acualy say hello 2 and e one and flash of your georgious smile..thats the easy part now guyz well im not allowed to date but heres something 4 you to feel a lil in control flirt with guyz that you think are hot when your parents arnt around and date when ever youd like without telling them they dont need 2 know lol. Find friends that are cool and nice if you want to listen to a certain music hang with those people that listen to that music like me personaly I luv death metel and screamo and emo crap so I hang with that group..well I acualy am that group lol I made my own group we have loads of fun find your inner self 2 thats very inportant and unless your parents go to your school be who you want to be in school and dont let those rude people get you down I they are mean say something funny like your going to die in 7 dayz and stuff or just *whispers* flip them off well if you have and e more questions just come on over and ask away

First thing you need to do is talk to parents and ask them what they fear? ask them that you not an adult but you would like to have freinds and that you would like to be a teenager yes a beautiful time to learn to develop to explore. you know I had the same problems but you know parents only want what best for you trust me just remember you not an adult yet enjoy your parents while you 're young you can go out to the malls and movie theater but with supervision talk to parents or go to counseling tell your parents that you would like to go to a family therapist they are there to help your parents understand somethings oh please do not date guys and sneak behind parents be honest with parents they will respect you for that..

oh, as far as what you can do now, well do you like to read? do you think that your parents will let you join a book club/ sounds tame, but this could be a tame and acceptable compromise for you and your parents. it would be a good way for you to meet new people, and your parents would probably feel safe with you attending a book club meeting. does your family go to church? another good activity would be to join a church choir or youth group. finally, do you think your parents would let you try out for community theater? if you can't sing or act (though it might be fun to audition), see if you can be a part of the tech or stage crew. finally, what about a volunteer group/ if your parents are socially concerned, they might be supportive of you wanting to do something to help others or the environment. then you could meet peopple that way. anyway, try to find an activity that you love. I am aself-proclaimed -- and friend-proclaimed 'cool-chick' -- trust me, the key to making friends (and finding a boyfirend for that matter) - is in NOT TRYING. Do what you love and kindered spirits will come to you. oh, and if you know, love, and respect yourself -- for real, that helps attract people as well. good luck -- hang in there.

Hi I'm homeschooled too! =D

That must be irritating! I've never had that problem, but I have helped friends out with this problem, and it's worked so my recemandation is to go up to one of your parents (preferably the less strict of the two) and ask to have a word with them alone. Then start talking with them about how strict there being and how you don't feel like you can live your life. Don't raise your voice or use angry language yet. If that doesn't work then move on to level 2, raise your voice and go on about how you 'can't stand it' or how 'Your ruining my life'. If during this conversation they say 'Oh its time for dinner' or in any way try to end the conversation arruptly then raise it to level 3 and then you can go over the top saying 'You never lissen to me!' 'You are ruining my life'. If they try to punish you or your making no progress, then get furious and go on about how you hate them (even if it isn't true) eventuly running of in tears. By then they should have realised they where being to strict, and loosen up a bit hopfully realising that there rules are spoilling family relationships. As for the sneaking out thing DON'T DO IT! Really at your age you shouldn't worry about kissing and falling in love, your way to young, that stuff only really happens once your 15-17 yo and sneaking out will only make them stricter.

Hope it works and don't back down until youve won!

I have a hard time meeting new people too I go to aa privet school with not alote of kids.

Actaully you should just tell your parents EXSACTLY how you feel. just what you have told me. explain to them whats going on. tell them what could happen if you dont get out now. if you sneak around that wont help TRUST ME ON THIS!!! I have made that mistake many of times. if you are unsure of what to say I have dont this thing before and I could help you a greate deal on perparing what to say. message me at anytime for help. dont hesitate

I grew up with strict rules as well. You sound like a mature and intelligent thirteen year old. I am 21, and I was not this mature when I was your age.

My advice to you is to talk to them about this--they will, no doubt, say that you need to earn their trust. Tell them you will. Tell them that you feel you are a responsible teenager. Your parents are overprotective for a reason: they care about you. Let them know that they have done a good job and you are aware of the dangers in the world. Prove to them that you are responsible and mature. They will not go for it at first, but do your chores, come home on time.

In a few months ask for a curfew, ask for something you are not allowed to do--within reason. When they say no, point out (calmly) that you have upheld their strict rules and remind them again that they have raised you well and you can make good decisions. They WILL eventually bend--you just need to prove to them that you are responsible, smart and mature. Once they recognize that you are an adult (which they will---you do not need to rebell to accomplish this), they will most likely begin to bend the rules and give you age-appropriate rules to abide by!