Having an affair with a married man?

I have been head over heels in love with the same guy for about a year. I never acted on it due to the fact hes married (although quite unhappily) and I dont want to be that girl. I came pretty close to making peace with all this when we ended up at a...

party together, that his wife didnt attend. at the end of the night he asked me if I was staying over, I said I was, and he informed me he was as well. nothing happened, we spent the whole night talking to each other. one of those great conversations that even though you have been talking for 5 hours, you have so much left to talk about. he informed me that his wife is horrible to him (which is obvious to anyone that sees them together). and that he has wanted to leave her for a while, but hes afraid of what a divorce would do to his family, who dont believe in divorce. hes only been married 2 years, and he only dated her for a few months before the marriage, so its not surprising it didnt work out. my problem is he told me that he wants to be with me, and took his ring off. I lied and said I didnt feel the same because I felt guilty. now im kicking myself and wondering what I can do. I really hurt him when I said that, he basically confessed his love for me and I just said no. what can I do if anything?

I am not sure that having an affair is quite so negative.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 15 years (on and off).

I met him on a course and didn't realise he was married at the time, and only found out after I had fallen hook line and sinker for him.

He had two children and I could bear to think I would break his family up - having come from a broken home myself.

We had a period of on/offs and then an absence of nearly 10 years, when I got married and had children of my own.

Now my children are getting into their teens and his are nearly 18 - we have got back in touch with eachother and are madly and passionately in love.

I have a husband who although kind does nothing for me sexually and is not particularly affectionate, he also works away every other month. My lover fell out of love with his wife for some time and works long hours and running a football team to get away from having to be at home.

We keep in touch virtually daily, through email and text and see eachother when we can.

Our plan is possibly to work towards leaving our respective spouses at the point at which we have both discharged our responsibilitieds to our children.

We are still young enough to spend a good number of years together and our partners are young enough to find partners more worthy of their affections.

Providing we can leave our marriages financially stable (niether of us want our spouses to suffer financially) and our children are old enough to know the stability of a happy childhood, then I think there is a case for doing the decent thing all round and calling it to an end.

The fact is when we make our marriage vows many of us are intoxicated with the romantic visions of marriage. For me 25 years on I can see that all it is really is a business arrangement and a grind. Any passion is long dead and these days people live so much longer - forever is a hell of a long time, especially if you are not that happy with the person you are with and have an unbearable longing to be somewhere else.

I think it is wrong to pillory people who have changed and need change. Whilst from a religious point of view I realise marriage is the ideal estate, but it is obvious from the rising divorse rate it is not a state most people can endure forever.

I refuse to feel guilty about my affair. It has not affected my marriage in as much as it has enabled me to survive more or less sanely when so many things are wrong with the way I live. I have children and I take that responsibility seriously, he has children and I expect him to take that responsibility seriously too.

The fact he would not have walked away from his children is in my view the sign of an honourable man and the fact I never insisted on him doing that is I hope an indication I have no wish to become a homewrecker.

Life is such a lottery. WHo says the person you marry if the right one for you - always. All I can say is I have loved this man for a long time now, although have not let it get in the way of my own life or happy family life.

I do look forward to a time when we might be able to come together, but whatever happens I feel better for having known him and experienced true love. Something I have not experienced with my husband.

Call me selfish, call me what you like, but we can all make a mistake, and goodness knows we have to live with the consequences. I am just trying to limit the damage and keep some integrity even though in situations like this it is very difficult.

Let's not forget over 60% of people have affairs, so there is nothing that odd about me - perhaps it is those who can stay with someone for the whole of their lives and are content with that that might have a problem? Who knows??

well some times you just have to brake the rules just say what the hell im going to be THAT GIRL if you really luv him but he took off his ring dosnt that say something to you I know why your holding back I think is because if you put yorself in his wiffes shoes think how you would feel about it but if she really trets him like shit than be THAT GIRL what the hell its for a good cost anywaz!!!

Maybe you should just talk to him and explain to him how you feel about this whole situation? i mean you dont want to be that girl thats bad... does he still have sex with his wife? This isnt right at all and you ahve to talk to him things will get better... even if you and him stay away from eachother for a while ... talk to someone that has been in this situation that always helps.. good luck

I know exactly how you feel..its hard being the other woman and to be honest with u..if he did get caught cheating do you really want to be known as the homewrecker..I'm having an affair with the love of my life..it sucks because I know that I have to share him with her..I've been waiting for a year for him to leave his wife to be with me..my advice would be not to do it..believe its hard sharing your man and you don't even have a right to feel that way..I don't have the right to feel that..to cry when he leaves because I know where he's going to..its not like you can be with him whenever you want because it has to be around HER schedule..its not just something you can start and stop..I tell myself everytime he leaves that I can't take it anymore and next time I see him I'm going to end it..but then I see him and I'm just so happy to have a chance to be with him that I wuss out..so girl you do what you want but I swear to you its hard..especially when your having an awful day and your man can't be there because of wifey..to be honest with you he had no right confessing any kind of love for you while still with his wife..that wasn't fair of him to act hurt b/c you're not happy about the wife..if he really loved you he'd be with u..if only I could take my own advice..I still have hope..u know if its meant to be it will be..so good luck on whatever you decide..

I BELIEVE IF YOU TRULY LOVE HIM, YOU ARE WILLING TO SET HIM FREE. I also had an affair with married man but the thing IS I know my limitations I am always ready for whatever consequence. piece of advice don't be a homewrecker that's
bad.

if he is unhappy and with someone who isnt well-suited to him, absolutely critical that you understand this: the onus is on him to divorce his wife, and that is the first condition you must insist on. next, you take time and date him. next is an std test followed by a ring and proposal followed by a wedding should you feel this man is still for you.

The man always said those kind of things. Don't feel bad the guy. If he is unhappy about his marriage find a way out. Don't put yourself in second place. Have respect for the wife. And If she know it that how he really feel. I am sure she leave him.

I am in the same situation currently. I get so frustrated when I ask something (to see him more) and he is scared or doesnt think it's right. I, then figure that he doesnt think I am worth getting caught. It's a very difficult situation to be especially when it's not longer caring about someone but loving them. It is hard to stop loving but if you concentrate on his weak morals, perhaps it could lead you towards ending it with him. Always remember, what he did WITH U he will do TO U. This is true 99% of the time. IF you were the mistress he will take more liberties with you if you are ever in a real relationship. He will think since that is how you got together, then you should know that of him and expect that.
Another piece of advice - affairs are great, they are exciting, the sex is unbelievable and you do not actually have a real relationship. You dont know if this love would be there if the circumstances were real. It is fun and great to be in an affair because it is the forbidden. When you see him, you dont want to waste time on fighting, so you spend the best kind of time together. IT's simply not reality. You dont fight about money, kids, who will do the laundry or things that married people may fight about because those circumstances do not exist. So how do you know if you love him for him or for the man he allows you to see?

women are very prone to bonding with a man and having a hard time shaking him loose once they share intimacy. men can share intimacy and not feel much of anything and can walk away easily. much better is for a woman to take her time before intimacy and get some info on his character before she allows herself to be made vbulnerable to the bonding. I wish you well and know the idea of waiting is not easy but it is the careful smart way to go. good luck xo

i have been in my affair for over 3yrs. The married man is my good friend husband... i am not sure if he really care for me or it 's just a safe relationship. i really do have feeling for this man.

I left my wife of 5 years and 7 month old son for my girlfriend. I was seeing her for over 6 years and now she's gone. Explain that one. I left, because I love her and now she won't talk to me. I hope she doesn't feel like a homewrecker, because it was my choice to leave. I love her.

I met this wonderful man almost 2 years ago. At the time of our meeting he told me that he was divorced and that only the property settlement was the only thing pending. Fast forward, I am totally in love with him. He has shown nothing but interest in my passions and the things that I love to do. He has involved me in his business dealings and so much more. Everyone (all of his friends) knows me as the woman who works with him. I am hurting so much but for some reason I cannot find the strength to let him go. My heart bleeds for him every time he is leaves me to be with his family. I truly understand that he love his children and possibly his wife, too. I'm sure she is a good woman and mother (I guess). Oh, I guess I didn't mention that his family lives in another state and that when we met they had just relocated to a new state in attempt to save their marriage and to provide a better environment for their children. All I can tell you is that the pain grows deeper with each waking moment. To love someone who is incapable of fully loving you is the probably one of the worse disservices you could do to yourself. Just look at me. I keep telling myself that I'm done, but each time I hear his voice and see his face, I step back into him with both feet. I've become what I never wanted to be and that is the other woman. Don't make the same continuous mistake that I have these past 2 years. Get out of this relationship now, save yourself from the inevitable grief that awaits you. Remove yourself now and if he comes back to you, then you'll know that it was meant to be. Yes, I'm sure that he has valid reasons for not leaving, namely his commitment to his wife and children (if there are any) but, you and I both know that it's really about the him and his fears. My advice is to find a way out of this relationship, now and stay out. Please keep me in prayers. I am in such pain too.

Losing it in Los Angeles

it is very flattering to be the object of someones affections. life is short, and you wont be in your good yrs forever. it will be much better to choose a mate based on different values. one who will give you credibility and stability. people adapt despite suffering difficulties. you will have to take a stand and expand your capacity to see the implications and ethics involved here and be someone willing to act on that. you must see that piece of this in order to see yourself moving on. you must accept yourself as imperfect and be willing to redirect your path. once you have raised your values and attitudes and replace your old ideas with new ones, you will become highly motivated to put this portion of your life behind. you wont want to see these lovers anymore it will become clear to you that you have many other options.

Why would you want a married man when you can have a single one? Don't waste your time. Someone single might just be on his way to you already.

love or lust, the hardest to determine. I am a married woman, who has been having an affair for the last 5 months with a married man. My husband has had numerous affairs over the last 6 years, and i swore i could never do that to him, much less make another woman feel the pain i've felt. However, when this beautiful, caring, charming man kindof fell in my lap, i went to my knees, fast. He has left the country now, to go to Iraq, and was probably the best thing ever for me. I know how you feel, they are amazing feelings, but in reality the relationship is based on complete dishonesty. I reached the point in this relationship that i would do anything to see this man, and felt like i was in love with him. And it was extremley hard when he wouldnt do the same or try harder to see me. I thought he was falling for me too, now I see that i was just sex. Men relate to emotions so much differently than women, they can disassociate so easily. My man said just before he left that he was going to come back to his wife and start over, we'll see. My advise to you is DONT DO IT! wait until he is divorced ! your heart will get broken, and your self esteem will die. If he really feels that way he needs to be honest with himself and wife, everyone will have more respect for each other if done that way. Then you can have a real life together and be happy if meant to be. lesson i learned? that im not a total fat, ugly pig, that i can feel passion, and that i need to make some changes in my life, my husband hurt me beyond belief, but not repair! good luck

Don't do it !

Don't do it ! Wait until he is out of his marriage. I found out the hard way and now I'm in a big mess and he is still happily married to his wife. I'm married and had an affairi with someone I met at work. Yes, he was married and approached me and gave me the same old story, he was leaving his wife, he was in love with me, he was going to marry me, and so on. He was always calling, seeing me as much as he could, buying me gifts, got us cell phones so we could always keep in touch. I wasen't happy in my marriage and thought this guy was the one for me ! Thought we were soul-mates, we had the best times when we were together. He wanted me to leave my husband and he was going to leave his wife. Well to make a long story short, my husband had me followed and found out about the affair and served me w/Divorce papers .. well, after that .. I found out how much the other man really loved me ... as soon as I told him about the divorce papers, he bailed out on me so quick. So as much as these married guys tell you, it is all lies. They play on your emotions. My life is a total disaster right now, and he is going on with his as normal. Oh by the way, after that ... I was not going to let him get the best of me, I went and told his wife everything. I totally feel in love with this guy and he dumped me in about 2 mins. Don't fall for the same thing .. I'm having a very difficult time dealing with it. I have never done this kind of thing before, but he had me really fooled. I would hate to see someone else go through what I'm going through right now. If he really loves you then he will leave his wife before starting a relationship with you. Don't trust any married man !

I am in the same situation, what helped me is joining this forum, http://www.the-other-woman.com for targeted advice!

Go for it he is unhappy and he may leave her once he feels treated right from you! I would go for it.

i say that there is nothing wrong with having an affair with a married man, that man may be looking for more passion that he feels he's not getting at home, a person who is in a marriage may cheat because of their need for more emotion and being more sensitive to their feelings and needs, men need sex because a man thinks about sex almost every day more than us females, when we may not be horny they are and we need to please them even if we are'nt , i dont care if u had sex with your partner yesterday or in that same day and he wants more i say give it to him even if your not hott, or perform oral sex it does'nt matter , give him a hand job just do something or your man may stray and u cant blame that other woman or anyone else but your self, so ladies do what u got to do put on those high heels or sexy undies what ever his heart desires even if he wants to bring some one else into the relationship do it, because if your husband ever presents himself to me he wont be coming home to u but if he does he will be thinking of me always and i know u don't want that, so dont get mad just do it, always delishious.

you have three choices.

be 'that girl'.. the 'other woman' and know that the guy your f*cking is married to someone else.

tell him as long as he has her ring, he ain't gettin your thing.

find someone else