Having an affair with a married man?

I have been head over heels in love with the same guy for about a year. I never acted on it due to the fact hes married (although quite unhappily) and I dont want to be 'that girl.' I came pretty close to making peace with all this when we ended up at a party together, that his wife didnt attend. at the end of the night he asked me if I was staying over, I said I was, and he informed me he was as well. nothing happened, we spent the whole night talking to each other. one of those great conversations that even though you have been talking for 5 hours, you have so much left to talk about. he informed me that his wife is horrible to him (which is obvious to anyone that sees them together). and that he has wanted to leave her for a while, but hes afraid of what a divorce would do to his family, who dont believe in divorce. hes only been married 2 years, and he only dated her for a few months before the marriage, so its not surprising it didnt work out. my problem is he told me that he wants to be with me, and took his ring off. I lied and said I didnt feel the same because I felt guilty. now im kicking myself and wondering what I can do. I really hurt him when I said that, he basically confessed his love for me and I just said no. what can I do if anything?

The man always said those kind of things. Don't feel bad the guy. If he is unhappy about his marriage find a way out. Don't put yourself in second place. Have respect for the wife. And If she know it that how he really feel. I am sure she leave him.

well some times you just have to brake the rules just say what the hell im going to be 'THAT GIRL' if you really luv him but he took off his ring dosnt that say something to you I know why your holding back I think is because if you put yorself in his wiffes shoes think how you would feel about it but if she really trets him like sh*t than be 'THAT GIRL' what the hell its for a good cost anywaz!!!

Maybe you should just talk to him and explain to him how you feel about this whole situation? I mean you dont want to be that girl thats bad... does he still have sex with his wife? This isnt right at all and you ahve to talk to him things will get better... even if you and him stay away from eachother for a while ... talk to someone that has been in this situation that always helps.. good luck

I know exactly how you feel..its hard being the other woman and to be honest with u..if he did get caught cheating do you really want to be known as the homewrecker..I'm having an affair with the love of my life..it sucks because I know that I have to share him with her..I've been waiting for a year for him to leave his wife to be with me..my advice would be not to do it..believe its hard sharing your man and you don't even have a right to feel that way..I don't have the right to feel that..to cry when he leaves because I know where he's going to..its not like you can be with him whenever you want because it has to be around HER schedule..its not just something you can start and stop..I tell myself everytime he leaves that I can't take it anymore and next time I see him I'm going to end it..but then I see him and I'm just so happy to have a chance to be with him that I wuss out..so girl you do what you want but I swear to you its hard..especially when your having an awful day and your man can't be there because of wifey..to be honest with you he had no right confessing any kind of love for you while still with his wife..that wasn't fair of him to act hurt b/c you're not happy about the wife..if he really loved you he'd be with u..if only I could take my own advice..I still have hope..u know if its meant to be it will be..so good luck on whatever you decide..

I BELIEVE IF YOU TRULY LOVE HIM, YOU ARE WILLING TO SET HIM FREE. I also had an affair with married man but the thing IS I know my limitations & I am always ready for whatever consequence. piece of advice don't be a homewrecker that's
bad.

if he is unhappy and with someone who isnt well-suited to him, absolutely critical that you understand this: the onus is on him to divorce his wife, and that is the first condition you must insist on. next, you take time and date him. next is an std test followed by a ring and proposal followed by a wedding should you feel this man is still for you.

I am in the same situation currently. I get so frustrated when I ask something (to see him more) and he is scared or doesnt think it's right. I, then figure that he doesnt think I am worth getting caught. It's a very difficult situation to be especially when it's not longer caring about someone but loving them. It is hard to stop loving but if you concentrate on his weak morals, perhaps it could lead you towards ending it with him. Always remember, what he did WITH you he will do TO U. This is true 99% of the time. IF you were the mistress he will take more liberties with you if you are ever in a real relationship. He will think since that is how you got together, then you should know that of him and expect that.
Another piece of advice - affairs are great, they are exciting, the sex is unbelievable and you do not actually have a real relationship. You dont know if this 'love' would be there if the circumstances were real. It is fun and great to be in an affair because it is the forbidden. When you see him, you dont want to waste time on fighting, so you spend the best kind of time together. IT's simply not reality. You dont fight about money, kids, who will do the laundry or things that married people may fight about because those circumstances do not exist. So how do you know if you love him for him or for the man he allows you to see?

women are very prone to bonding with a man and having a hard time shaking him loose once they share intimacy. men can share intimacy and not feel much of anything and can walk away easily. much better is for a woman to take her time before intimacy and get some info on his character before she allows herself to be made vbulnerable to the bonding. I wish you well and know the idea of waiting is not easy but it is the careful smart way to go. good luck xo

I have been in my affair for over 3yrs. The married man is my good friend husband... I am not sure if he really care for me or it 's just a safe relationship. I really do have feeling for this man.

I left my wife of 5 years and 7 month old son for my girlfriend. I was seeing her for over 6 years and now she's gone. Explain that one. I left, because I love her and now she won't talk to me. I hope she doesn't feel like a homewrecker, because it was my choice to leave. I love her.

I met this wonderful man almost 2 years ago. At the time of our meeting he told me that he was divorced and that only the property settlement was the only thing pending. Fast forward, I am totally in love with him. He has shown nothing but interest in my passions and the things that I love to do. He has involved me in his business dealings and so much more. Everyone (all of his friends) knows me as the woman who 'works' with him. I am hurting so much but for some reason I cannot find the strength to let him go. My heart bleeds for him every time he is leaves me to be with his family. I truly understand that he love his children and possibly his wife, too. I'm sure she is a good woman and mother (I guess). Oh, I guess I didn't mention that his family lives in another state and that when we met they had just relocated to a new state in attempt to save their marriage and to provide a better environment for their children. All I can tell you is that the pain grows deeper with each waking moment. To love someone who is incapable of fully loving you is the probably one of the worse disservices you could do to yourself. Just look at me. I keep telling myself that I'm done, but each time I hear his voice and see his face, I step back into him with both feet. I've become what I never wanted to be and that is the 'other woman.' Don't make the same continuous mistake that I have these past 2 years. Get out of this relationship now, save yourself from the inevitable grief that awaits you. Remove yourself now and if he comes back to you, then you'll know that it was meant to be. Yes, I'm sure that he has valid reasons for not leaving, namely his commitment to his wife and children (if there are any) but, you and I both know that it's really about the him and his fears. My advice is to find a way out of this relationship, now and stay out. Please keep me in prayers. I am in such pain too.

Losing it in Los Angeles

it is very flattering to be the object of someones affections. life is short, and you wont be in your good years forever. it will be much better to choose a mate based on different values. one who will give you credibility and stability. people adapt despite suffering difficulties. you will have to take a stand and expand your capacity to see the implications and ethics involved here and be someone willing to act on that. you must see that piece of this in order to see yourself moving on. you must accept yourself as imperfect and be willing to redirect your path. once you have raised your values and attitudes and replace your old ideas with new ones, you will become highly motivated to put this portion of your life behind. you wont want to see these lovers anymore it will become clear to you that you have many other options.

Why would you want a married man when you can have a single one? Don't waste your time. Someone single might just be on his way to you already.

'love or lust', the hardest to determine. I am a married woman, who has been having an affair for the last 5 months with a married man. My husband has had numerous affairs over the last 6 years, and I swore I could never do that to him, much less make another woman feel the pain I've felt. However, when this beautiful, caring, charming man kindof fell in my lap, I went to my knees, fast. He has left the country now, to go to Iraq, and was probably the best thing ever for me. I know how you feel, they are amazing feelings, but in reality the 'relationship is based on complete dishonesty'. I reached the point in this relationship that I would do anything to see this man, and felt like I was in love with him. And it was extremley hard when he wouldnt do the same or try harder to see me. I thought he was falling for me too, now I see that I was just sex. Men relate to emotions so much differently than women, they can disassociate so easily. My man said just before he left that he was going to come back to his wife and start over, we'll see. My advise to you is DONT DO IT! wait until he is divorced ! your heart will get broken, and your self esteem will die. If he really feels that way he needs to be honest with himself and wife, everyone will have more respect for each other if done that way. Then you can have a real life together and be happy if meant to be. lesson I learned? that im not a total fat, ugly pig, that I can feel passion, and that I need to make some changes in my life, my husband hurt me beyond belief, but not repair! good luck

Don't do it !

Don't do it ! Wait until he is out of his marriage. I found out the hard way and now I'm in a big mess and he is still happily 'married' to his wife. I'm married and had an affairi with someone I met at work. Yes, he was married and approached me and gave me the same old story, he was leaving his wife, he was in love with me, he was going to marry me, and so on. He was always calling, seeing me as much as he could, buying me gifts, got us cell phones so we could always keep in touch. I wasen't happy in my marriage and thought this guy was the one for me ! Thought we were soul-mates, we had the best times when we were together. He wanted me to leave my husband and he was going to leave his wife. Well to make a long story short, my husband had me followed and found out about the affair and served me w/Divorce papers .. well, after that .. I found out how much the other man really loved me ... as soon as I told him about the divorce papers, he bailed out on me so quick. So as much as these 'married' guys tell you, it is all lies. They play on your emotions. My life is a total disaster right now, and he is going on with his as 'normal'. Oh by the way, after that ... I was not going to let him get the best of me, I went and told his 'wife' everything. I totally feel in love with this guy and he dumped me in about 2 mins. Don't fall for the same thing .. I'm having a very difficult time dealing with it. I have never done this kind of thing before, but he had me really fooled. I would hate to see someone else go through what I'm going through right now. If he really loves you then he will leave his wife before starting a relationship with you. Don't trust any married man !

I am in the same situation, what helped me is joining this forum, http://www.the-other-woman.com for targeted advice!

Go for it he is unhappy and he may leave her once he feels treated right from you! I would go for it.

I say that there is nothing wrong with having an affair with a married man, that man may be looking for more passion that he feels he's not getting at home, a person who is in a marriage may cheat because of their need for more emotion and being more sensitive to their feelings and needs, men need sex because a man thinks about sex almost every day more than us females, when we may not be horny they are and we need to please them even if we are'nt , I dont care if you had sex with your partner yesterday or in that same day and he wants more I say give it to him even if your not hott, or perform oral sex it does'nt matter , give him a hand job just do something or your man may stray and you cant blame that other woman or anyone else but your self, so ladies do what you got to do put on those high heels or sexy undies what ever his heart desires even if he wants to bring some one else into the relationship do it, because if your husband ever presents himself to me he wont be coming home to you but if he does he will be thinking of me always and I know you don't want that, so dont get mad just do it, always delishious.

I am not sure that having an affair is quite so negative.

I have been having an affair with a married man for about 15 years (on and off).

I met him on a course and didn't realise he was married at the time, and only found out after I had fallen hook line and sinker for him.

He had two children and I could bear to think I would break his family up - having come from a broken home myself.

We had a period of on/offs and then an absence of nearly 10 years, when I got married and had children of my own.

Now my children are getting into their teens and his are nearly 18 - we have got back in touch with eachother and are madly and passionately in love.

I have a husband who although kind does nothing for me sexually and is not particularly affectionate, he also works away every other month. My lover fell out of love with his wife for some time and works long hours and running a football team to get away from having to be at home.

We keep in touch virtually daily, through email and text and see eachother when we can.

Our plan is possibly to work towards leaving our respective spouses at the point at which we have both discharged our responsibilitieds to our children.

We are still young enough to spend a good number of years together and our partners are young enough to find partners more worthy of their affections.

Providing we can leave our marriages financially stable (niether of us want our spouses to suffer financially) and our children are old enough to know the stability of a happy childhood, then I think there is a case for doing the decent thing all round and calling it to an end.

The fact is when we make our marriage vows many of us are intoxicated with the romantic visions of marriage. For me 25 years on I can see that all it is really is a business arrangement and a grind. Any passion is long dead and these days people live so much longer - forever is a hell of a long time, especially if you are not that happy with the person you are with and have an unbearable longing to be somewhere else.

I think it is wrong to pillory people who have changed and need change. Whilst from a religious point of view I realise marriage is the ideal estate, but it is obvious from the rising divorse rate it is not a state most people can endure forever.

I refuse to feel guilty about my affair. It has not affected my marriage in as much as it has enabled me to survive more or less sanely when so many things are wrong with the way I live. I have children and I take that responsibility seriously, he has children and I expect him to take that responsibility seriously too.

The fact he would not have walked away from his children is in my view the sign of an honourable man and the fact I never insisted on him doing that is I hope an indication I have no wish to become a homewrecker.

Life is such a lottery. WHo says the person you marry if the right one for you - always. All I can say is I have loved this man for a long time now, although have not let it get in the way of my own life or happy family life.

I do look forward to a time when we might be able to come together, but whatever happens I feel better for having known him and experienced true love. Something I have not experienced with my husband.

Call me selfish, call me what you like, but we can all make a mistake, and goodness knows we have to live with the consequences. I am just trying to limit the damage and keep some integrity even though in situations like this it is very difficult.

Let's not forget over 60% of people have affairs, so there is nothing that odd about me - perhaps it is those who can stay with someone for the whole of their lives and are content with that that might have a problem? Who knows??

you have three choices.

be 'that girl'.. the 'other woman' and know that the guy your f*cking is married to someone else.

tell him as long as he has her ring, he ain't gettin your thing.

find someone else

I think you need to look at what you did in this light.. HAS HE LEFT HER? Is he living on his own now?? If the answer is no then you need to commend yourself for having the strength to end something that would have an evitable outcome.. your heart breaking. If the answer is yes, then I strongly advise that you talk to him about how you really feel and get those lines of communication going, but SLOWLY. Get absolute assurance that he has completely ended it.. and that he has only one thing on his agenda, to end his marriage. If all of this is taking place then get going but play things very gentley. If it's just a fantasy thing then it will end abruptly, if you love each other then you could get some longevity out of it. I know only because I've done the married man thing. Mine wasn't so successful, but each game plays differently.
Em. South Wales

first things first, one should never enter into a relationship until they can handle their own feelings, secondly I disagree with allowing yourself to feel anything for anyone already in a relationship. You can tell they are unhappy? Hmmm...could it be responsibilities or like children ,jobs, a morgage, credit card bills, utilities, ect...ect...ect... the old rule of thumb here is if they cheat on the husband/wife,or boyfriend / girlfriend ,they will cheat on you. life is uncertain and too short to waste precious time - would you believe just one side of the story or assume a book by its cover? wake up stop listen learn and grow make your own back yard and tend to it .

well my optinion is that you should leave him cause if you end up being a couple hes going to do it to you what he is doing to his wife

Yeah.. I'm that girl.. This guy was my boss...who by the way I wasn't even attracted to in the beginning.. he grew on me..and I started to develop feelings for him... I never said thing to him... 5 months after he quit we spoke via text..that went to all day emails..coffee..lunch..talking..and then finally boom... a full blown affair.. I really love this guy... we are both unhappily married.. but neither of us is willing to leave our spouses.. and now she is pregnant... our relationship has cooled quite a bit physically ..the worst part is the emotions involved on my part.. For me it has been more of an emotional affair..and I guess for him it has been more of a Friends with Benefits thing for him... While I love this guy tremendously.. I regret getting involved with him sexually... If I would have just done the right thing.. I wouldn't be feeling the things that I am feeling.. and now..with the baby on the way. .. I am trying to muster up the strength to walk away... but I can't... You can judge me all youwant.. but nothing is ever as it seems and unfortunately the world is not black and white... My advice to you is... wait till he leaves her if he ever does... if not ..be prepared to live with the pain... and note.. I said pain..not guilt... guilt is not something I have felt towards my spouse or his... Best of luck

well do what your doing if you love the guy then screaw his wife

K-luv: I have the same issue, I have been seing a MM for a short while now...I like the idea of excitement, the hiding, the intense feeling... we work in the same place-diff dpt though ...in times we would meet in 'our spot' at work and just fool around...I know I like him, and he does feel the same I know...the Q is why would he bring me to his house and have sex in him and his wife's bed?its more exciting I know, but dont you think he wants to get caught having an affair in his own house? in his own bed?

girl I say you gotta go for what you want not thinking how your life whould be with tthe
love of your life

I have also been in a relationship with a married man. When I met him 5 years ago he wasn't married at the time. We have been off and on for several years. He married almost 2 years ago to a girl he was dating when we were dating. I have tried on several occasions to end this. He's the one that keeps coming back. He told me years ago that he would never say goodbye to me and that he would never get over me. He is my soul mate, I love him with all my being and he knows this I have never kept my feelings a secret. Yes its hard knowing he's going back home to his wife. Like most - there are children involved. They do not have children together. I remember when he got engaged he called me. It was on Good Friday and he was so nervous when he told me I was shocked and devistated. I was a wreck. I have never cried so may tears over a man and yet I still love him. I have tried to get involved with other men but how can you when your heart still belongs to someone else? As I said he keeps coming back our relationship is so intense and it's not just about sex. So, I don't know what to tell you. I hate being 'that girl' we all keep talking about but we don't get to pick who we fall in love with it just happens.

all yuo can do is listenin to your heart right now

My husband and I were separated, we were separated because he was a sex offender, but he met a girl that he works with a friend to him that I did not know anything about. Anyway he told this girl that I broke his heart and that I was not treating him right. She believed him, he divorced me for her we where married for 12 years, he new her for 6 months, his real reason for divorcing me was that I lost my job and he did not want to take responsibilities, being that I had always took care of everything, out of the 12 year we where married he paid or rent 8 times, he was a sorry man, all he did was go to work, he could barely keep a job do to his offense, now just got a pretty good job and his job knows he a sexoffender. I stopped loving him 7 years before we got a divorce, I tried to hang in there. Him being a sexoffender turned me off, mainly when I had sex with him, along with him not being the man of the house, he would not even take out the trash and that was all I asked of him. Before our divorce he said to me why you never put your leg in the air when we have sex, I said nothing, but I wanted to say was. …When I do It comes out because your___ is too short and I never wanted to give him head because there was nothing to hold on too, he use to get mad because I did not want to give him head while I was married to him, just looking at his body was disgusting to me, he was a very attractive guy, but when he took his clothes off I could just vomit, I got use to his body eventually over the years. Now he is taking those male enhancement pills he sent me a picture of his ___ It grew from a stub of 3 inches to 7 in a matter of weeks, for twelve years I had a stub. My point is that guys will tell you anything for sex. But I am glad I got a divorce now I have a real man that I can treat like a king and give him all the head and sex he wants.

put yourself in the wifes shoes think how bad ud feel if you broke up their family. if I were you I would just wait until they split up hope you make the right decion( :

WHAT A JERK.
He's a liar.
Don't have ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM.
If his marriage was so bad, he would have divorced her by now.
No excuses.

if his wife being horrible to him is not hurting his familly, then what is? he is pulling your leg. just like he wants you to pull his. get a life . if he realy wanted you he would have found you before any party.

well, first of all I'm involved in relationship with a married man for like nearly 2 years now. First time on meeting him..he was engaged but I don't know that, he had laided his eyes on me and so asked for my email..getting to know him better than not long til he confessed that he was engaged. My love for him has grown, and so I managed to get myself away from him, 2 wks later he called me..asking me if we can be friends. To me I thought might as well it's the past and let him go..but I was WRONG..we tend to have strong feelings for eachother. I'm a virgin but I end up losing it to him, I don't regret that because I know that I love him and he loved me..but I'm living in a lie. He got married and here I am left behind, til now he still kept the relationship going..to me..I loved this guy so much..I've tried to get myself out of it so many times..but failed..the longest we havn't spoke was 2 wks becos I was the one callin it off...he eventually came back..he loves me but seem to love his wife more..how can a man love 2 women? he loves me becos I can understand him, he loves his wife becos he needed her..but to me..no matter what happens I see that the wife is more important than I am..then why would he be holdin me back for? everytime he returns to his wife I feel as though I'm all by myself..at times I want to sleep forever knowin that in my dreams I can be with him..but then..reality is reality...so let me say this...if you can let go then let go completely..if not then accept what is reality...

he comes back to you either when he needs sex and his wife won't give it to him, or when they have a disagreement, or when he just wants to have some extra fun.

he made a committment to his wife, not to you... he's using you for his purposes. ten years from now his wife will have him, his home, his kids, his money, and you will have an empty heart and be 10 years older with no one to call your own... used merchandise.

well just lately I was with a married man...I love him.. I really do... we wre prettty much together for only about two months but in those two months his wife found out.. they have five kids together and he adopted her first kid from her first marriage..so in a way they have six kids.. I honestly don't think married men are worth it yes at the time it might seem as if he or she is the best thing that has ever happened to you but if he keeps on saying he is going to leave his wife casue he is not happy or that he loves you deeply and cares for you more then anything there is a great chance he really does feel this wa but don't sit around and wait for him to make a decision on what he is really going to do.. just end and find someone else if you 2 are ment to be together then trust me you well but if not then by staying wit him you could be missing out on a lot of other chances with men or women that are better then the one that you have been seeing... I LOVE you BRANNAN BUT I NEED AND WANT JAMES>> SORRY>>>

Well guys, read al these comments above, I joined a recruitment agency, submitted my CV Via email... this is how I got to knot the guy who I am having an affair with...Isnt it funny how a simple proffessional email can blow up into something completely different!
Me and this half Puertorican/American guy have been on and off with eachother for 3 months now, he's great and as someone said its not the guilt you have to live with its the allmighty pain thats being caused! Put yourself in the wifes/husbands shoes and ask yourself how would you feel if your man/women was having an affair with someone else?
I know actions speak louder than words, but dont make the mistake I did and carry it on, I know this guy loves his wife and he has two little children... I'm there because im going through a stage in my life where im on a break from a full comitment but... dont do what I am doing and letting this flings as it where carry on!
end it whilst its fresh then your emotions will not get too deep, youl find as time goes on feelings/emotions/sex will get deeper, be more painfull when it comes to the knock!
As you get older you get wiser...Im 24 (young) I havent learnt from any of my mistakes just yet...

Good luck, Ciao

Well guys, read al these comments above, I joined a recruitment agency, submitted my CV Via email... this is how I got to knot the guy who I am having an affair with...Isnt it funny how a simple proffessional email can blow up into something completely different!
Me and this half Puertorican/American guy have been on and off with eachother for 3 months now, he's great and as someone said its not the guilt you have to live with its the allmighty pain thats being caused! Put yourself in the wifes/husbands shoes and ask yourself how would you feel if your man/women was having an affair with someone else?
I know actions speak louder than words, but dont make the mistake I did and carry it on, I know this guy loves his wife and he has two little children... I'm there because im going through a stage in my life where im on a break from a full comitment but... dont do what I am doing and letting this flings as it where carry on!
end it whilst its fresh then your emotions will not get too deep, youl find as time goes on feelings/emotions/sex will get deeper, be more painfull when it comes to the knock!
As you get older you get wiser...Im 24 (young) I havent learnt from any of my mistakes just yet...

Good luck, Ciao

Well guys, read al these comments above, I joined a recruitment agency, submitted my CV Via email... this is how I got to knot the guy who I am having an affair with...Isnt it funny how a simple proffessional email can blow up into something completely different!
Me and this half Puertorican/American guy have been on and off with eachother for 3 months now, he's great and as someone said its not the guilt you have to live with its the allmighty pain thats being caused! Put yourself in the wifes/husbands shoes and ask yourself how would you feel if your man/women was having an affair with someone else?
I know actions speak louder than words, but dont make the mistake I did and carry it on, I know this guy loves his wife and he has two little children... I'm there because im going through a stage in my life where im on a break from a full comitment but... dont do what I am doing and letting this flings as it where carry on!
end it whilst its fresh then your emotions will not get too deep, youl find as time goes on feelings/emotions/sex will get deeper, be more painfull when it comes to the knock!
As you get older you get wiser...Im 24 (young) I havent learnt from any of my mistakes just yet...

Good luck, Ciao

really honestly.. hes not that into you... trust me if he do divorce he is not so reluctant to get into another serious relationship..

he did not confess his love for you...he just gave you a story to get a little closer so that he can get what he wants. He has only been married for 2 years and he looking to cheat... Just think what he will do to you..just the same. It's a good thing that you told him you did not feel the same...you felt guilty and that was God. Enjoy your like and look for the best... not a married man. All to many times we women set the pace for married men to cheat. Be strong and say no to that married man that wants to use you...They can only do what women let them.

We reap what we sow so dont go into this relationship unless you see divorse papers and even then I hope you pray about it.

It seems so funny to read all the different stories. I have been with my MM for 4 years now, and it's the best thing in my life. At 1st it was hard because I never had to play 2nd to any other person, it was just sex to me but the more I treated him like that, the more he did to show me that it wasn't just sex to him. He brought me all kinds of gifts, moved me from an apartment to a house, maybe 1yr into I realize that I was falling in love with him. Shortly after his wife found out about us & he left, when he came to me with his things pack, I WAS SCARED, we talked for hours and I helped him call his wife and told him the things to say to get him back in the house. I wasnt ready for him to move in, even if it was a house he paid for. I like things the way they were I saw him twice a day everyday excpt Sunday. Now we are in a year and a half, I'm in love with him and dont like being 2nd so I break it off. I didnt care about the wife because nobody cared about me when I was married and carrying our children ( to another man). I saw my mom, grandmom, and aunt all get hurt, and the way I see it if a man going to cheat he will, so I wont be the first or the last. I've in both shoes, and like it better as 'not the wife' I moved out of the house he got for me to cut all strings. A year later I get a call from my father saying that my MM is wanting my phone # and address. I waited 3 months before I let my father give it to him. This time around, I dont feel like I am 2nd, I truly forget that he has a wife, she found out about me again, and when she really needs him she knows where to fnd him, she'll call me to ask him to come and do things for her or her kids, some even ask me from time to time I thought he is married, why are you two always together, doehe ever go home,? Yes Sundays. We do and have everything together, a daughter, another house, vacation home, a cleaning company, & bank accounts, Even matching rings, I know sounds crazy, right that why I forget that he is married. I 'm sure that are peple that would be shocked to know that he is not really my husband, that if they saw him with his wife they would think he is cheating on me. Just as before I am with him 95% of the time, he spends Sunday with her I guess, (that's what he tells me) and he needs his boy time also. Again I say I have been in both shoes, and like the shoes I have now. Some people say dont you want a single man, yeah if I can find someone worth my time, what I have now I cant go below what I have in him, attention, love, talks, sex, & money. If I leave him it has to be for better and I havent found anyone who can fill his shoes. And then others say dont you think he has someone else or do you really think it's just you two, or if you see him with someone else what then, and after the hurt I went threw in my own marriage and my two children (with my 1st husband). I truly live by this, 'if I didnt see it, then it didn't happen' 'respect me enough to keep it from me' & last 'dont F#%K with my time, money, and sex, dont ever make me feel like there is anyone else, Then I am okay' and he does what he has to make me happy and hasn't miss a beat yet!

There is nothing you can do. Don't kick yourself. There is a reason his wife was horrible to him. It's because he was horrible to her, but doesn't realize how. Most men, no matter how honest their intentions are, are blatantly ignorant of themselves and their actions towards their wives. Throwing off the ring was only a show. Nine times out of ten Men don't leave their wives for another woman. That is a soap opera myth. The ones that do, end up treating the other woman in the same frustrating way he doesn't seem to get. Don't get me wrong, any woman who treats her husband like crap in front of others ought to have her face slapped. That is besides the point. If you end up with him, you'll end up with the same frustrating crap even though you may have enough class to handle it differently. When a woman appears brutal (although it's wrong)there's a reason. She didn't just pull her fed up position out of the air for nothing. Beware!!

You are me, 4 years ago. Me and my coworker got to be great friends. We talked all the time until all hours of the night. He had recently gotten married and I had a b/f. My relationship was going down in flames. He was very unhappy with his marriage. He had dated the same girl on/ off for a few years and make a long story short, felt pressured to get married. Our feelings started to grow stronger. He told me that he wanted to be with me and that he wasn't happy with his wife. I told him that I wanted to be with him too. We both knew it was wrong. We weren't looking to fall so hard for each other but we did.
So we started an affair. He too was afraid of what would happen with his family, but we didn't care b/c we fell in love with each other. My end of the story is that his wife found out, his family was ashamed of him and numerous friends and respect were lost. It's now been 4 years later and we are still going strong. I believe I have found my true soul mate.
In your case, it's better to come into the picture after he's been honest with his wife and deals with his family. In my case, things with his family and friends eventually got back to normal. But it took one hell of a long time and I feel I will always wear the scarlet letter around them. Trust me, it's some heavy sh*t that you don't want to go through. Being honest can save you both a lot of headache and heartache. Lets face it, being called a slut and a homewrecker isn't exactly an ego booster.
I know that there are dogs and douches out there. I know about the playas and hoes. But sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes you do have to take a risk and follow your heart. Just be prepared to handle the consequences for your actions. In my case, I did, and it was the best damn mistake I ever made.

You people are freakin' nuts! The man is married. He took vows with this woman. If he wants out, he needs to get out before he dates. Some men (& women) use this ploy all of the time and people are stupid enough to fall into the trap.

I am now ending a relationship where the same type of guy romanced my wife of 21 years. He has convinced her of this same story line. I figured it out and we are ending our marriage. She remains loyal to him and is ripping our family apart to stay with him. I can say anything to her without upsetting her EXCEPT, 'I'm contacting him and/or his wife'. As soon as I say this, she freaks out. She is protecting his marriage while destroying her own. We have two children, 13 & 15 whose lifes are devastated by this.

I honestly believe that this guy has a pattern of this behavior. He has coached her and trained her and now he has a side piece of arse whenever he wants while his wife sits at home caring for his 3 children.

Marriage vows need to be respected. If you lose the feelings, you need to end the marriage before you search for new love. The emotional scaring of the 'other person' is cruel and disrespectful.

The moral fiber of this country is lost. Damn all of you who support this.

go away from your hubby you oversly do not love hiim enough because if you did you wouldnt cheat on him

No answer, just more questions.
Okay, so who wants to venture some advice on this screwed-up situation? I have been married to my wife for 18 years. We have two kids, ages 12 and 14. Both kids are great; happy and successful in school, extracurricular etc. There has been a great deal of tension brought on in our household, initially because of a total lack of, shall we say, “marital bliss”. If the average number of times an American couple indulges in sex a year is 62x, well that may be the total number of times we’ve made love in 18 years…in fact that may be high. I have tried to talk to her about it for many years and she refuses to address it. We have not had intercourse for more than two years. My wife suffers from depression and is on numerous medications to treat it. We are both aware that that may impact her libido, but she does nothing to take the issue up with her psycho pharmacologist. Four years ago she fell into alcoholism/alcoholic state and tried to take her own life. The same thing happened, almost identically, two years later. To state the obvious, there was a great deal of stress and tension in our household, which has resulted in angry outbursts, mostly initiated by me. Nonetheless, two years removed from the last incident, a move to a different state (always stressful), and career/job issues for myself, she has been sober and doing extremely well under all those conditions. A little over a year ago, I tried to initiate intimacy with her and, once again, my advance was rejected. I asked her, as I had on a couple of other occasions, whether she objected to me seeking intimacy outside of our marriage, as long as it was discreet. Previously, she responded with, “I wouldn’t blame you if you did”, or some other vague answer that never quite said either yes or no. That evening she said it would be okay and she understood. I was shocked. She would rather I go outside our marriage for physical and intimate gratification than to have marital relations with her husband? I was angry, hurt and in disbelief. I asked her again. She said to go ahead. Shattered, pissed-off, and determined to challenge what I saw as her outright dare to me. I went into my home office and began to look for a suitable place on the Internet where I might be able to find married woman in need of what I needed. Incredibly, I met someone within hours of joining a married and looking sight. It became clear within weeks that the woman I had met online was not just someone to have a tryst with, but someone who I could possibly fall for very deeply. She too is married and with three children at home. Fast-forward to today and my online relationship continues to flourish. Incredibly, we still haven’t met because of my moral dilemma regarding my vows, my kids and getting on the old slippery slope of becoming involved in something more than just a dalliance. In short, it is a deeply emotional affair. We communicate daily by phone, text and/or email. We live reasonably close to each other and I’m afraid my moral and ethical strength is slowly being sapped. At first, I was all for having a sexual, no strings attached affair with some stranger, frankly almost more to spite my wife than the sexual desire, but it just so happens that the woman I ended-up meeting is someone entirely different-someone who I could have it all with. Her marital situation, although quite different than mine, is nevertheless pretty dour. In the meantime, my wife and I bump along the bottom of the marital stream, obsessive about our children and their well-being, and, other than seeing a marriage therapist once every week or so, almost ignoring the issues that confront us. I continue to raise the marital intimacy issue and she responds with the old “woman are from Venus and men are from Mars’ argument that she needs personal intimacy before physical. Problem with that is, every time I try to be nice/romantic by buying her flowers or cuddling, she interprets it as a premeditated plot to get into her pants. I can’t win! I understand the differences that exist oftentimes between men and woman on the intimacy score, but I’m between a rock and a hard place. All the while, I grow closer and closer to my “affairmate” and possibly committing adultery. I know I should simply proceed to separate and eventually divorce my wife before taking-up with another woman, but the impact on the kids and her, in light of her mental health, greatly concern me. Should I then just proceed to attempt to take my emotional affair to the next level, which my “girlfriend” would like us to and do my best to keep it discreet? If I’m caught, can/will my wife call a “foul” and also her lawyer? I know she can, but neither of us, frankly, can claim the moral high ground-she having emotionally ad physically removed herself from our marriage and I, in response, doing the same, but with the added “sin” of seeking outside of my marriage just what she was withholding. Sometimes I just ask myself, if she can’t bring herself to be intimate, both emotionally and physically with me, why doesn’t she file for divorce? I am, at times, tempted as a desperate act of last resort, to tell her the truth about my emotional affair and see how she reacts. Just seems every time I threaten and draw a line in the sand she doesn’t cross it. Anyway, I would not in any way want to run even the slightest risk of exposing my girlfriend. My choices are clear and the simple one is to stay in my marriage and not have any kind of affair, stay in my marriage and have an affair or proceed with a divorce. All have downside and none are perfect for all involved.

well I would wait until he is separated or divorced form his wife. I mean, you may very well be in love with him and he may be unhappy with his marriage, but no matter how unhappy he is, you have to have respect for his wife. I mean if I was unhappily married, still wouldn't want my husband talking to another woman. Just remember to have respect and I would wait until he ofiicially calls it quits with his wife. I mean what if he decides he wants to work things out with his wife? You never know. I don't think any body wants to be 'that woman' that almost broke up a marriage... If that happened, you would be in a messy situation...

walk away, nooo, I mean run as far away from this guy as possible. he is in no shape or form relationship material. don't be the reason he leaves his wife, I mean, come on, he has kids with her!!! maybe they are going thru a rough spot and you are a distraction. you deserved better and he and his wife deserve to figure things out without distractions.

In my opinion, you absolutely did the right thing. You lied but it's proper to turn him down because he is married. He maybe happy or not, they still have a family and you don't have the right to break it apart even though he told you he wants to be with you. Honestly, I've been there, done that and I regret it. At first it's going to be fine but as you continue along the way it's going to get ugly! Trust me! Uglier than lying to him and lying to yourself of what you feel for him. Don't ever stoop down on your level just using your heart. You have to use your brain and be strong. No matter how much in love you are to him, It's not going to make you happy taking him away from his family. He should have known better! You said you've liked him or in love with him for a year now that's why he is just probably fooling around. The best thing you need to do is stay away from him because you need to control what you are feeling for him, no matter how hard it is do not give up. It will not give you anything but painful memories. Good Luck!