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Depressed and alone
I sit here thinking about how through my life I have had a couple dealings with depression. First, high school was a complete nightmare (made fun of constantly, butt of every joke or at least the jokes told around me). I tried sports and was actually really good at them, but then several terrible knee injuries later I have pain with every step. I down an economy sized bottle of pain killers, and I wake up the next morning (amazing!) I get to college, find a new group of people to torment me, and eventually I break into a group of people who tolerate having me around, yay friends. How about this I find a good job. Next step find a girl, which, amazing it happened. So I have it all right? Well 2 years later, the fiance sleeps with a couple random guys, I get fired, a friend dies, grandpa dies, aunt and uncle die, I loose my house to foreclosure. I deal with all of that by drinking heavy for about a month. I start to come around slightly and go out one night with some friends and have a few drinks, and pow dui instant deep depression again for another month. Not to mention I loose the all important ability to finish my degree because I can’t get to class for 6 months. I never asked for anybody’s help, I knew how to handle everything and I came out of that crap alive and I’m a better person for it. Two years later I get my degree and I’ve been really happy for going on 2 years things are looking up. Hahaha!!! So apparently 2 years ago I did my taxes wrong and the irs is hunting for money I don’t have and can’t make because I can’t even get a job in fast food. I have an it degree from an ncaa division 1 school. This adds to the all important fact they can now come and take my car, which I need to look for a job, so I’m just waiting for that to happen. So I go to the government, after draining all of my savings looking for a job and feeding myself, asking for a little help. Nothing, I somehow don’t qualify. I’m a strong person, I don’t get depressed over small things. I really don’t feel too many emotions any more, or at least I suppress them really well. Right now I am feeling a little down. I want to know if getting crapped on so heavily every 2 years is normal? All I care about right now is getting a job and back to working, and I don’t care what the job is, is that so much to ask? I think it might be.
hey man, life is hard ain’t it. :/
I feel really bad for you but you probably don’t want sympathy. if you’ve got depression problems, id go and see someone, you’ve got a degree and could do so much with your life. don’t fall into a bottomless black hole because life decided to bite you on the bottom a little bit too hard.
I do have to say though, good on you for getting on with your life :) x
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