Breaking dawn mock chapter

A fun Imagining of what I'd have happen in Ch. 1 of Breaking Dawn?
I hope yall' like this! I will start writing this in the additional details. But, I want yall to rate my mock chapter 1. I want you to tell me what you thought I want you guys to tell me...

if you like the real series of the actual books. I want your predictions on Breaking Dawn and anything else you want to write!

Al-ice! I said making her name become two words. I am not doing this! Wear are we going anyway? Were is Edward? What are you Do- Alice cut me off You are doing this, I will not tell you were you are going, and Edward will be were we are going, and I will be just as stubborn as you! She wasn't happy, as she was doll-ing me up, I would not stop complaining and ranting. I was wearing a short, glittery, low cut V neckline aqua blue dress. My hair was down and straight, and Alice had decided to put a crown on my head. Do I LOOK like a princess to you? she had a smug look on her face You do now! Now hold still, this wont take long. She started putting some eyeliner on me. Then I got tickled with makeup as she put all of the makeup on my face at lightning speed. Ok, now look in the mirror.

She turned me around to face the mirror but shut the lights off before I could see myself. Alice, the lights?!?!?!?! I got mad. Ok, Ok, but first, I want you to know that you wont look like your self, you will look a little like Rosalie... Ok! Just let me see myself before I turn on the lights for myself! I hissed to the black darkness. Well then! She flicked the lights on and I saw an angel.
Alice! How is Rosalie in the mirror, why is she wearing makeup, why is her hair black??? Bella, don't act stupid, that is YOU! Now I knew that I was dreaming... or in hysterics. Seriously, Alice! Alice knew that I wasn't joking, but she acted as if she hasn't heard what I just said. Then a smile sparked across her face, Come on, Edward is waiting.
So, there we were, at one of the hugest parties of my life, but were was Edward?
We walked through an alley, opened a back door, and heard all of this club music. Alice! Were are we? What are we doing? Were is Edward? I screamed at the top of my lungs just hoping Alice would hear over the club music. We are at Edward's and your's proposal party, and Edward will be here in a few... Boo! I felt a bunch of wind on my back, even though I knew who it was, I was startled, and shocked, I screamed REALLY loud. The music stopped. Everything went black, and before I knew it, I felt something pick me up and take me into a quiet room. I fell back into this deep sleep and couldn't tell what was happening.
Is she breathing, is there a pulse, what is going on, is she OK? Come on Carlisle! I finally heard a worried voice come from about five feet away, he was pacing, then I knew who it was, Edward.
I felt a cold hand go around my wrist, Her pulse is back Carlisle's voice came with relief. Then, I slowly opened my eyes I heard Edward's breathing slow down, was there really anything to freak out about? I tried to lift up my head to see were I was, but then a cold hand pushed my head down. Were am I? I asked, closing my eyes again. Your in a small room here at the party I heard Alice chime. Maybe she was hoping that we wouldn't have to cancel the party. I was hoping that I was out cold enough to miss it.
I think I am OK, nothing hurts, so, come on Edward, lets go shout out that we are gettin' married! Maybe I got hit in the head because I knew I would NEVER say anything so good about the wedding in a long time.
Are you sure she is Ok? She would NEVER say that Edward said. But, how did he know that, that was what I just thought. But, I think that he already knew that, I think I told him.
She is fine Carlisle said. Yeah, I am fine, now can we please go? I asked. Sure, here, Honey Edward said in a soft, sweet voice. He picked me up, very carefully, as if I was glass, like always. And then we walked out to announce the wedding.
I felt confident, even though I had just... well I didn't know what had happened, but I felt confident by his side. We then walked up to the stage

To announce our wedding.
There we were, at the center of attention, I was starting to freak out, and Edward noticed. I will say every thing, all you will have to do is stay here, and nod when needed he promised. That calmed me, another calming thought was that this would be a good practice for the actual wedding.
Then Edward tapped the mike, Good evening everyone, did he HAVE to be SO polite all of the time? I have an announcement I'd like to make the music got cut off- again, and then the room got quiet. Thank you. I would like to announce that I have proposed to Bella and we are now engaged. He said, a smile both on his face and in his voice. I nodded. The whole crowd applauded us. It really wasn't so bad after all.
But, then Edward unexpectedly picked me up and kissed me, I was happy to kiss back. This happened for quite a few moments, the crowd went crazy. They are enjoying our affection, now aren't they? I said quietly in his ear. Your not? He asked hurt. Love it

The end of first CH.

I hope you guys like my first chapter. But, I think I should let you know that Edward is the one who said boo.
I am hoping to become an author one day... do you guys think I have a chance. If it isn't really that good, then don't blame me, I am only 12. I am the best writer in my 7th grade class though! I hope you guys liked it. I want to know your thoughts! Come on yall!
I have already read the REAL first Ch. Like I said, this is just a fun Imagining of what I would have happen in the fourth book.

my friend who is obbsesed wit twilight would love it

That wasn't soo bad! Very good!
I'm only 1 year older than u =P I want to become a writer too!
Hope I get to read some more of your work some day!