A really weird mom/daughter relationship...

K--so my familys complicated jsut all together, but a few years ago my mother made decision that has basically greatly effected the rest of my life/who I am and left me feeling abandoned/unwanted--like I was a burdon she couldnt handle and didnt want to...

handle.
Even though I tried really hard not to think of it like she doesnt want me or whatever I still did... + I pushed her as far away as I could since she was doing that to me--I did it because I thought she *wanted* to be without me and I didnt want to feel any need to be near her if I was just hurting her.. And that would hurt me, so I didnt want to set myself up for that. If I wasnt needed, I didnt want to need either.
But now a few years later--I realize that my mother was actually trying to protect me, and that she had made that decision with my happiness in mind and she was completely unaware of what happened to me because of what she decided...
So now we're on a good base, but since I've been so unreceptive of giving/recieving any affection from her (and basically anyone xd) I feel really scared about changing that... Im so stubborn its absolutely freaken stupid but im not about to change how stubborn I am (--proof xd) I jsut cant no matter how much I want to...I dunno, I guess I still feel kinda traumatized over the events that took place in some really childish way... Like im on medications and have been transfered from diff physcologists and physciatrists and the whole shibang
So anyways, I dont even say I love her because I still dont feel-- good enough or something. Like I'm a disapointment as a daughter, even tho she'd enver say that. She's always going on about how happy she is to have us children, but I get sad when she says that because I feel like she could ahve had so much better but she got stuck with *me* yknow a cold unloving mental daughter
But I know she loves me now, and I hate being cold to her when it comes to affection.. Like we get along, we talk and hang out...
Im just really wanting to know how I can still show affection towards my mom without doing it physically/verbally... Or I dunno--
What should I do? Whats it sound like? Whats your opinion on this...?

I think you know what you need to be doing and your stubborness is just a selfish, childish front that you put on.
You're not the only one to have gone through situations like this and your behaviour is your own choice - you choose to be stubborn, you choose to be petty, you choose to withold your affection.

Nobody can do or say anything to make you change what you believe you have the right to be, but dwelling on the past keeps you in the past. If you want to move forward then shed all your insecurities and grow out of your little girl state and start acting like a part of society.

You create your own path, and nobody forced you to be this way - you chose it.

I apologize for sounding harsh, but right now, you just need a kick in the pants...your life isn't so bad.

You can't control how others treat you, but you can control how you react to it...

I have no idea how old you are so I dont know if youl have the money, but every now and then when your mum does something nice for you, or if you have a really good time toegether, buy her a thoughtful gift as a thankyou and when its her birthday or christmas you could write how you feel (if not in its entirety maybe just a small somthing like 'I understand what happened in the past now, thankyou for everything you have given me...' in a card and say 'id rather you read this on your own as I dont like to share my feelings' when you hand it to her so you know shes got the message but you can stil avoid comfromntation.

I dont know how much this helps because its hard to fully understand your situation, but this is the sort of thing I would like to do fir my dad as , like you, I have a tricky relasionship with him

Hope all goes well!

I Dont even say I love You Mum either LOL! I Dont no why - its likee im afraid to say it - I never kiss any of my family - its proper weird LOL!

I think you need prayer in those areas, that are giving you problems. Things that we go thru as young adults, can affect us for the rest of our lives, unless they receive the proper attention.

Since I approach everything from a spiritual point of view, I believe prayer is the key to all our problems.

God created us, and he knows everything about us, so, it seems very logical to me, to take everything to him in prayer.

I dont do anything 4 my parents I dont even tell them I love them or anything and when they tell me that I ignore

You cant just suddenly feel/show affection for someone you have no relationship with. You and your mom need to put aside for now the past and work on getting to know who each of you are now. Expecting to feel love and affection because you are mother and child is absurd - what gives us that feeling is trust and empathy of the other person, not shared DNA. Take the time to get to know the person your mom is now, let her get to know the person you are now, take your time, don't rush it, and the affection and love could follow. Remember - relationship first, then love...

yeah, jamoge's right *shrugs*

show her this post. she would love that you care so much as to get stranger's opinions on the situation just so you can somehow tell her you love her.