What can I do about my girlfriends controlling/insane mother ?

This is a difficult one.

First let me ask how do you deal with her mother currently? That would help a lot in me being able to help you in how to deal with it (I’ve had my share of really difficult mother in laws.)

Best option is to ignore any comments and nasty snide remarks thrown your way and to suck up to the mother. Always be polite, please thank you, help out around the house when you are there. Dress conservatively in front of her mother, things like that. It might not be you, but you obviously care enough about your girlfriend to help her out.

I realise that you are in a strange predicament, because she doesn’t like you for a reason that you can’t and should be willing to change. But keep a low profile and don’t say anything negative in front her mother or towards her mother. That could put more pressure on her.

step up to her mom and say I like (or love) your daughter and she likes or loves me and we want to b together we go through some hard times but that will never seperate us and tell her all the sweet times you and your girl had together and all the rough times. plan this speach out carefully and if the mom interupts you say let me finish! step up to her and b a man. if your not sure with this then answer me back

I’ve never met her and when I have spoken to her over the phone I have always been nice and respectful. I can deal with the pressure of the crazy mother inlaw, but I cant deal with seeing my baby upset everyday over it sad

I suggest meeting her, not to talk about her behaviour, but just a normal meet the parents meeting. Oh and keep on being respectful. Don’t stand up to her or scream at her or be rude ever. That will make things worse. Sometimes these things take time. It took me about a year before I could get along with my boyfriend’s mother. She was extremely difficult.

Also if you can, make sure that you spend a lot of time with your girlfriend at her house. (no hugging or kissing though). I have a feeling that her mother feels threatened and is making an issue about the whole thing because she doesn’t know you and haven’t met you.

But in any case, keep on persisting with the yes, mam, amen mam. That should eventually work.