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This guy I am with..

Okay I been with this guy for about a year and a half. Recently we did the do, you know what I mean. It lasted for a good 20 to 30 min. Normally it be longer then that so I was like I no your not done and he says well yea. Plus I have to be somewhere. I got really upset so he goes on to tell me stuff like you the only girl I do this with im like duh we both know that. So he says I dont really want a girlfiend and I know that as well. Me and him are just friends with benefits and we are just waiting to see will it go futher mainly because we both dont want a serious relationship etc. So im like well can I spend the nite he says well im going out later on with a few of the felas. So I say well ok why cant I just say at your house until you get back and he was like I don’t know just dont want you to. Its like everytime I want to spend a day with him he always make excuses as to why not. Our relationship is different then most people friends with benefits because we go places do things sometimes just sit up and talk on the phone for hours or just lay in the bed and talk. But when it comes down to staying the nite it changes. I could be over his house for 6 hours or more but I cant spend the nite. Why is that? So we got into an agrument so he is like we done with this our last time doing this and etc. So im like it sure is. On my way home he says can you spend the nite tomorrow nite? Im like forget you and slammed the door. When it come down to his guy friends he acts as though I dont exist until he is not with them. Why? He texts me and say im sorry. I say the only reason why I still be with you is because when im around you you just completes me and says how can I complete you when I havent completed myself? What did he mean by this??

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Answer #1

You need to call upon your willpower here.

Ask yourself this: Do you want to spend your life trailing after a guy who doesn’t (and probably will never) love you? Would you not prefer to give yourself to a guy who will treat you properly, spend time with you and desire you for more than just sex?

I’m sure the answer is obvious, but you seemed to be hooked on this guy - this is the prime reason why I never encourage ‘Friends with benefits’…someone always ends up hurt.

While you’re whittling away your time waiting for this guy to commit to you, Mr. Right may just pass you by and you’d miss your opportunity to find him.

Wipe the stars out of your eyes and get your feet back on the ground - the boy does not want a relationship with you.

Answer #2

This guy is confused. His confusion is making you confused. I don’t believe you when you say you don’t want a relationship right now. I think you do want a relationship with him, but since he’s acting like he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you, you’re just agreeing to it. Let’s face it, when you’re really in love with someone, any kind of relationship you have is better than nothing and you’re just ‘settling’ when everyone involved knows you deserve better. I don’t think he is really using you because he seems concerned with your feelings. When he does something he knows upsets you, he’s says he’s sorry and he probably is. That doesn’t mean you should just accept his apology and let it happen again. You need to tell him how you feel. Tell him you didn’t think you wanted a serious relationship with anyone right now, but you fell in love and you can’t change that. It’ll be awkward, and it may ruin the relationship you have with him now, but it’s time to end this dysfunctional train wreck before you get hurt worse, so you may as well put it all out on the table and get some closure on this whole thing. After you talk to him, he’s either no longer your friend with benefits or he’s your boyfriend. Either situation would be better than the one you’re in now. Stop letting him call all the shots, and call some of your own.

Answer #3

~how can I complete you when I havent completed myself?~

It sounds like he is still searching for himself, and until he finds himself, he can’t give anything to you. It also sounds like an excuse for him to keep distance between the two of you.

At any rate, it seems you are pushing for more out of this arrangement then he is willing to give. He wants you for a sex partner - nothing more, and you are expected to be at his beck and call. He is using you.

This is not healthy for either one of you. My suggestion - end the charade with him and find yourself a man who will be with you 100% and not be ashamed to tell his friends about you.

You’re not a toy, so stop letting him treat you like one.

Answer #4

Thanks for the advice I think it is really helpful but he have told his friends about me all the time telling them what should he do with me because I am a nice girl I no he is confused and undecided bout a lot of things… Everytime I try to stop the whole thing it just seems like I end right back up talking to him again.

Answer #5

Eye opener.. It really is.. Thanks

This guy I am with..

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