How can I refuse gifts without hurting the giver?

So, here’s my problem. My brother is having a very difficult time, he is ill and he can’t work. So my parents help him a lot. They pay his home, his phone and electricity and sometimes his food. I moved out some years ago, I live with my husband and my kids. We are getting along adequately well, financially though we aren’t rich.

Now, my parents think that they are being unfair and that they are privileging my brother. They feel that they are supposed to give me as much as they give to my brother. And now they keep giving me things and money. Household machines, furniture, electronics, toys for the kids, a lot of stuff. I don’t need most of it, really. And I don’t want them to give me that much. It’s more like I have a storage problem and I don’t know where to put some of the things. My place isn’t that large. I think it’s all right if they give toys to their grandchildren at birthday and at Christmas, but they shouldn’t give them expensive things without a special date or reason. Small things, yes. Okay. It’s fine if grandma brings some matchbox cars when she visits. But she brings large, expensive toys for no visible reason, too.

I think my parents ought to keep more for themselves. They are both getting old and mom has problems with her knee. So she should have her bathroom renovated, to be able to go in there on a walking frame. She might need one in the next couple of years. And they should both get themselves more things that make their life comfortable. But they are giving everything to my brother and me.

Yet I can’t afford to give them back gifts that are equal in worth to what they give to me. I have obligations. I have mortgage rates to pay for financing my home. I need to save money for renovating the roof.

So basically, I want them to stop giving me things. I tried talking to them. Several times. But my mom doesn’t listen at all and my dad says that they don’t a lot at their age. What can I do? Any advice?

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Answer #1

Tbh there is’nt much you can do, its clear your parents feel guilty and are trying to treat you and your brother equaly, youv also made it obvious that you dont want or need these things but you apreciate thought. Its always hard to refuse things from your parents, you say you have spoken to them which is probably the best thing u can do and since that hasnt worked u may have to try other methods. Again i would suggest you tell your parents the exact question im answering, if they ear it the way you wrote it, they may understand a little more. Again if this isnt sucsesful id try other methods, putting the gifts back in there home making it obvious you dont want them, start doing to them what they are doing to you, keep te gifts? you could even try returning the things and opening a bank account to save for that bath room renavation u mentioned. If non of those methods work you could pretend you dont lik the gifts say oh no i apreciate the thought but i dont like it. You could also try telling them you already have the gifts. This was a tricky question so i couldnt really offer helpful advice but id hope this helps. good luck.

Answer #2

Thank you. :-)

Answer #3

your welcome.

Answer #4

Believe it or not, we have a How To for this: http://www.funadvice.com/howto/gift_offending Anyway … talking to your parents may or may not work, but if they’re going to be stubborn about it, you may need to tell them that you simply don’t have any room or use for some of the things they are offering. If all else fails, re-gifting is really all you can do.

Answer #5

Well I wud tell ur parents to help ur bro now, and that u don’t need help at the moment but when u do need them u will be sure and let them know. I hope that makes since and good luck

Answer #6

thays convenient ><

Answer #7

thank you :-)

Answer #8

Ur very welcome :-)

Answer #9

I really like that howto.

Answer #10

Hmm, my mother keeps doing this. When I was little we didn’t have much money (not that I knew it). And now that they’re making decent money, they keep trying to buy me stuff. Unfortunately I take after my dad. If I don’t need it, then I don’t see the need to buy it. So she keeps trying to buy me shoes and purses and a car, etc. I mean you just explain that you don’t need it. The gifts for the kids is easy, you explain that you don’t feel kids should be getting stuff all the time for no reason. They should either earn it, or be getting stuff on major holidays. As for you, tell them you don’t need the stuff. And if you need it, you’ll let them know. If they insist on giving you stuff, ask if they can’t put it into a savings account for the kids college fund. The way I see it, is then at least it is in cash form, and if they ever need it when they get older, you can take it out and ‘regift’ so to speak.

Answer #11

Thanks. I’ll try. Mom seems to be deaf though when it comes to this. :-/

Answer #12

Pick the one good use to which you will put all unwanted future gifts from your parents (regifting to people you know or to a worthy cause that will appreciate them; returning or selling them to create a fund that will benefit your brother or your aging parents or your children’s future education; etc.). Tell your parents clearly and gratefully what you have decided to do with the gifts (this may stop the flow). Then actually do it.

Answer #13

Try to talk it out and get your feelings across

Answer #14

well my grandma does the same to my mom and so my mom tries not hurt her feelings so she explains to her that she doesnt have any more space and that is nice of her but that we dont need nothing at the moment but that it would be nice for her to do that but only once in a while not very often. maybe that’s what you should do! hope it works or help!!

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