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How can I resist this temptation?

I have been friends with this man for over 12 years & probably in love with him for half that time. We were always attracted to each other but neither one of us did anything because I was (unhappily) married at the time. There was a lot of talk about sex but that’s about it. I never had a friendship with any of my other male friends that was this explicit, sexual and comfortable at the same time. I got divorced a few years back and things were starting to happen between us but due to a lot of family issues we lost contact for 2 years during which time I found out that he got married. I thought that was the end of our relationship before it even began but he called me out of the blue and started talking as if nothing had changed between us. He’s told me several times how he thinks about a night we kissed and almost got together many years ago and he wants that to happen now. I have not seen him for almost 4 years. He keeps telling me that he can’t get me out of his mind & to be honest I feel the same. I don’t know what his relationship with his wife is but can assume that it’s not great if he is thinking about someone else. The fact that he is married has stopped me this long but I am getting weaker by the day and finding it very hard to resist the temptation. I don’t know what to do anymore. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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Answer #1

You are stepping on unstable ground, its probably best to move on with your life, he is married you know whats right you just have to do it.

Answer #2

Part of being an adult is realizing that you can’t have things that you want just because you want them. I can certainly understand that temptation and the difficulty you (both) are enduring.

Marraige, even unhappy ones, are within the confines of vows that were taken between two people. If he is unhappy and looking outside his marraige, frankly, it is not your business even if you are indeed the object of his interests outside his marraige.

It is your obligation at this point to not take part in adultery, as it is just an immoral act to be involved in. WHen you were in an unhappy marraige, you didn’t stray for whatever reason and within that decision, you were honoring your vows and doing the right thing.

Honor is a thing many people forget about in marraige. Even unhappy or abusive ones should be honored until they are ended. I don’t know if there are kids involved but especially if there are in that case.

His wife, even if she is an abusive or a bad wife should be honored in her position as his partner. You should never dishonor the vows between two people by participating in the destruction of them. By doing so, you invite negative energy into your life that you will pay for, tenfold.

He needs to honor his marraige and vows, even if it will eventually end.

As for you, your lonliness is causing your boundaries to break down. It’s time to date other people and leave this man to be a present partner in his marriage to whatever end. Your boredom, lonliness and “feelings” for this man are simply not just cause to be destructive. Their marraige is between them, and his need for you is not something you should indulge.

I hope that helped.

Answer #3

You should not resist this attraction.

Answer #4

All of a sudden hes married, and NOW he decides to call you after 2 yrs!! Dont you find that a bit strange? You havent talked in 2 yrs, and havent seen him in 4 yrs. If he couldnt get you out of his head, then why did he marry someone else, and let that much time go by without any contact? What kind of family issues would stand in the way of love? Nothing in my book would!! Doesnt sound like someone i would trust. If you give in to having sex with him…do you really think hes just gonna up and leave his wife? You would just be causing yourself MORE hurt by getting involved with him again…because now hes married!

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