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Make it beeter or good ideas??

I’m doing english gcse coursework called original writing. It is a propa marked piece of work so I not going to copy I just need ideas. I started already but I’m stuck on what to put next.

It is called trapped!!!

As I sat in my loftroom revising. Screwed up pieces of paper littered the room. I could hear my friends playing football outside. I finfshed my sentence and laid on my bed tired out from all the facts I had to squeeze into my brain. Suddenly a football came crashing through the 2m high window and knocked the lock on the door and locked me in the loft.

Any ideas or changes I cud make to make it better

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Answer #1

I did that piece last year and these are the basic thing you need; -Descriptive writing

  • use lots of metaphors, similes and other devices -Structure the coursework well -Try not to add things such as “2m high wall”- you don’t need details like that -basically sophisticated, intelligent language
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