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How do I make my parents change their minds?

I know this is long but please help me out. I’m a 17 year old girl soon to be 18 in a few months with VERY traditional, old fashioned italian parents. I’ve had a really close guy friend for a year now who is also my age and we recently started going out. He is such a good boyfriend and he respects me. We get along so well, he’s funny, very intelligent, gets excellent grades and I couldn’t be happier with him. The only problem is my parents. My mom hates him for an awful reason, she hates him because he’s hispanic and not italian. She is so judgemental and it really hurts me. She hates him even though she’s never even met him, she has only seen him from far away. They have never spoken a word to each other. So because of my mother being this way I have been so afraid to tell her that I have now started dating him. Especially because she has warned me that if there is something going on between me and him, I’ll be in a lot of trouble. It’s putting me in a terrible situation because I don’t want to lie to her but I don’t have a choice because then she might not let me see him anymore if she finds out we’re dating. I hate the sneaking around it makes me feel immature and guilty. I know the longer I wait the worse this may become. She hates when I hang out with him and it always results in me and her fighting. She thinks she can control my feelings but I can’t avoid someone I really care about. She refuses to give him a chance and won’t meet him. I don’t know how she expects me to be honest with her if she is going to punish me for liking him which is something beyond my control. My dad doesn’t even know about him yet but he’s worse then my mom. I honestly don’t know how to get through to them and I don’t want to lose him over something so silly as this. And I don’t want to fight with my mom anymore. Thank you for reading this, if anyone has any advice please help.

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Answer #1

Since your Mother already knows you are spending time with him I see no reason to tell her the details of your relationship. Your just dating and 6 months from now you could be back to just being friends. The fact that she warned you not to date him means she already suspects it anyway. As a mother of a 21 year old girl and a 17 year old boy I can tell you it is very hard to lose total control of your child’s life and see them make decisions you don’t agree with. It wasn’t too long ago when she got to make all of the decisions and noone questioned it. She has to learn to let go but still be there when needed. You have to appreciate what she is going through but still have your own life. Right now all she sees when she looks at him is some hispanic boy (not what she always pictured for you). Given time he could grow into a man that is capable of supporting you emotionally, financially, and be everything (except Italian) that they want for you. That man they will accept.

Answer #2

I dont think that would be a good idea because if her parents are like mine, they might kick him out and that would only make things worse because it will make the guy feel bad and embarrass yuu.so I think you shud TRY to have a serious tlk with your mom, even if she doesnt wanna listen. try to explain to her that you want her to be aware of the situation because you DONT wanna lie to her, you wanna be mature about it ndd stuff. im sorry yuur going thru this you seem like a good girl with good morals, spacially cuss you don’t want to lie to em. I think that they have to listen.I donnt really suggest this, but tell them that if they cnnt accept it and theyre going to be judgemental, then your gunna go ahead and do it behind their bcck.make sure you keep stating over and over that you don’t want that and thast whhy you wanna tell em and have their approval, hopefully that way they change their mind and reconsider things. good luck tho[:

Answer #3

The two of you should avoid intercourse at all costs until YOU are 18. If you do have any type of sexual intercourse, penetration or not, you put him in the terrible, terrible position of being susceptible to being charged for statutory rape. Your parents will be the ones to press charges, and you will have no control over it. All of his good grades will be for nothing if he has to carry the awful burden of being a registered sex offender. Seriously, it will be the best thing you ever did for him.

Answer #4

I’m not sure if this would help but maybe you should get your boyfriend over to your house and get your parents to start talking with him directly.

Answer #5

Well I know one thing if he’s the one for you then he is. Nothing that happens will be to strong for you both to endure even if it means waiting to get a little older to be together. If you are meant to be together you will be but just noy right now. Upmost.Remember who you are and where you come from will always be in your core. You have a strong family bond and this will always be important to you. When you have your own family someday you will want your whole family invovled. Yours and his together. Give yoursrlf some time and see if he’s the right man for the rest of your life He will prove himself to your parents and you will know he is the one to grow old with. Don’t rush- THis is your life; relax and enjoy the ride.

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