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I hate saying this because I know there are so many others that have it so much worse than me.
But it still doesn't make me feel better. Life can be just so. damn. hard. I feel like I'm fighting for my life on a daily basis. I am fighting for a meaningful life. I struggle with fatigue daily. My mom struggles with it too and so does my uncle.
I'm thinking this is hereditary. My mom spends so much of her life sleeping and I'm falling into that same pattern. I can't live life this way and I won't...well...I'm trying not to. It's just so hard to live life up when I'm struggling with fatigue.
Like, I don't socialize the same because I'm too tired to come up with things to say. I don't go out a lot because I'm too tired. All the things I want to do...I don't really do anymore. And I want to SO bad. I want to go out and play soccer like I used to. I want to write like I used to.
My mom just got done screaming at me for not going to church tonight with the family because I'm laying in bed too tired to. I told her I'd go tomorrow night. I love going to church, but I just feel too tired to even be up to that. My mom kept screaming at me and screaming at me until I just went crazy and I tried to leave the house. I'm 21, but I don't have my own car because I can't afford one and neither can my family.
I grabbed the keys to the Bonneville but my dad chased after me and took the keys away.
I feel trapped in this apartment. We live in a apartment now because we lost our house. I don't have my own room and I'm just going crazy being around people constantly when I just need to cry and get away from my mom. I beg my parents to get me help. The doctor and counselor said I have a fatigue problem and need to get help from a professional.
We don't have the money though and no insurance and I have spent so much $ on trying to get help that hasn't gotten me much improvement.
Sounds like you've hit a pretty low at a young age, huh? And I bet that all that screaming your mom does is not helping the situation. It's not surprising since she seems to be going through a hard time herself, and that might be just her way of letting it out. Don't take it against her. Deep down she does love you, you know. She's just frustrated and probably feels helpless herself. Try to understand her as well and maybe you guys can work this out together.
I totally agree with your statement that life can be really hard and yes, at times it can be super hard. But we need to realize that there is a solution if we're willing to work towards it. We can't simply give up. Because if we do, it only become harder and harder, until we give up our will to live. And life's not meant to be that way. I don't think it is.
I think that we all go through our own way of 'hard' in life and over time learn to avoid/fix those triggers that make it suck, so to speak. SO, with all that said, I honestly think that there is hope to turn this around. Especially if you're open minded and willing to try some methods to get out of that negative state.
I'd be glad to share some of those with you so feel free to FM me any time. Being broke and having no car is not the issue, trust me.
Do you have a job? You should start saving up as much money as you can so you can move out on your own. I'm sure living in your own space will relieve much of the stress.
