We can't find the internet
Attempting to reconnect
Something went wrong!
Hang in there while we get back on track
What would you grade my story's opening paragraph?
hi, im currently revising for my english GCSE and am in the middle of writing a story about a train crash. could you please read it through and tell me what grade you think im currently working at, and maybe even give me tips/guidance towards improving my story writing. Any comments will be gratefully accepted. thanks.
Piercing sirens echo through my ears tearing me away from a somewhat comforting yet unfamiliar slumber. Stabbing pains surge through my body accompanied by a wave of sheer terror. Am i dreaming? I’m trapped in a surreal madness. I struggle to open my heavy eyes as the world spins like a sickly fairground ride. Confusion overwhelms me- how did i get here? This however, is soon replaced with panic as i look up to see a furnace of flames spewing clouds of thick black poison at me. It sets like cement on my lungs whilst i gasp for my breath. i’m in agony.
Compliment: You’ve managed to create enough mystery to force the reader to want to read more. Constructive criticism: You have a lot of short, choppy sentences that could use some elaboration by describing key descriptions (I struggle to open my heavy eyes : I struggle in vain to open my eyes, heavily hooded with the after-effects of a deep sleep). I’ve also noticed that you have some grammatical issues. I’m not sure if it’s just because you’re writing it here as opposed to at school, but remember to capitalize on the word “I”, and on sentence starters. The word “whilst” … sounds too Shakespearian for the tone of your story - use “while”. I think you have the beginning of a very intriguing story … based on content, I would give it an A … based on structure and form, I would give it a C - about a B overall until you make the necessary corrections.
-
Good opening paragraph? - 3 Answers
I had to write a huge 5-6 page essay. I finally got it done, I just want to know if my opening paragraph sounds okay. Any sug...
-
What would be some good ideas for 5th grade student council slogans? - 2 Answers
I have two kids running. Names: Ricky and Cody (sometimes called "code")
-
Why would the news report a story about a 15 year old getting a breast enlargement instead of encouraging education? - 7 Answers
The schools are opening today and the news put this new school year, new body when they interview a girl who was getting thei...
-
if I make a bad grade on the program peopletopeople - 1 Answers
what if I make a bad grade on the program peopletopeople
-
What is paul revers true story, please click here? - 1 Answers
For social studies I need to write a small paragraph on paul revere's "true story". Please help, I only need like 5-10 senten...
-
How can I find out my grades from India? - 1 Answers
I have a master degree from india ..now I want a degree from here in california...and I do not know my credit score or grade....
-
What(if possible) is there a way I can see my grades frm 9th grade? - 1 Answers
Well my question is is there anyway I can see my grades from 9th grade online besides getting a transscript from my school co...
-
im really sad right now..about my grades.. - 3 Answers
hey is it ok to have a failing grade, actually this is my FIRST failing grade in my whole life, can you give me some advice t...
-
What are the 3 equations for parabolas in grade 10 math? - 1 Answers
and if u can explain what each letter means tht would be great. if not thts fine
-
What 'hanging paragraphs' mean? - 2 Answers
Im doing business admin, I was wondering what 'hanging paragraghs' mean & open punctuation???
Grade Calculator
Education, Academic Tools, Calculators
Quotesjin
Quotes, Inspiration, Relationships
Open Study Centre
Education, Tutoring, Academic Services
Writing Symphony
Education, Writing, Public Speaking
Chrome IAS
Education, Tutoring Services, Exam Preparation