From dating to friends to relationship?

I know you’ll probably disagree on this, but sex changes everything! Having sex with a man too soon in a relationship is one of the most certain guarantees that he won’t get serious about you. Sex without anticipation, build-up, desire, and lust is just not exciting or erotic. It’s hormonal. And it sends the man the message that he doesn’t have to work to earn you. A guy has to understand that you are a woman that has to be wooed and won. A man who is attracted to you will want to sleep with you, yes. However if you really want that man and would like to build a relationship it is absolutely essential that you do not sleep with him in the early stages. Desire over a longer period will capture the feelings and interest of a man. His emotions and feelings will become heightened the longer you wait. There is absolutely no gain to be had in having sex on the first few dates unless your aim is purely sexual.

An honest man will tell you that if you have sex with a girl too soon, you may enjoy it, but you are almost certain not to want to date her because you were simply too easy. Men are hunters, they enjoy the chase, and the longer it goes on, the greater the respect and the more likely you will win his heart. <( I strongly believe this)

I don’t think sex is the issue. We are both adults. It just happened, the few times it happend it was not planned. Why does he keep calling me so much? I never call him. I few weeks ago, he had a bad day and started talking about that he is not ready for commitment, he wants to think of himself for a while. He says he may be ready in 10 years maybe tomorrow he doesn’t know. While he was talking “arguing w himself”, I just stayed quiet. He got upset b/ I didn’t open up to him to tell him what I thought. When he dropped me off at home that day, I was upset. Very upset, he knew it with my silence. The next morning he called me back to back a few times. I didn’t answer. He then sent me a text that he was sorry he had a bad day and took it out on me. He wanted to talk to me. I called him when I was ready, and he apologized again. I told him not to worry about it.
Your response to my question sounds strong and to the point. but why does he keep hanging around? He came by my house yesterday and said we were going to hand out this weekend in his house “not to stay over” his mom, sister and his kids will be there. Why do you think he keeps having me around? I appreciate your feedback.

So the entire time you & him have been together, are you saying you only had sex once?

NO ABOUT 5 TIMES IN THE 7 MONTHS WE HAVE BEEN HANGING AROUND TOGETHER.

Are you having sex?

I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION THAT I KEEP ASKING MYSELF. I WOULD REALLY LIKE YOUR IMPUT. WHY DOES HE KEEP CALLING ME? HE CAN VERY EASILY JUST GO OUR SEPERATE WAYS. THEIR IS NO REASON FOR US TO HAVE TO SPEAK OR SEE EACH OTHER IF WE DIDN’T WANT TO. I ALSO WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I READ THE RELATIONSHIP LIST YOU SENT TO ME. WE DO MOST OF WHAT IS ON THE LIST. WE HAVE NEVER, EVER CONCENTRATED ON SEX. THAT HAS NEVER BEEN OUR FOCUS. ON THE CONTRARY HE RESPECTS ME AND SAYS HE DOESN’T WANT TO HURT ME. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Sorry, but if you really were the perfect woman…he wouldnt be dating anyone else! Whether your 15, or 36, you DONT have sex with any guy that your not in a commited relationship with! Why would this guy commit to you when you are giving everything for nothing? Sorry, but its the truth. Hes basically saying those things to justify having slept/sleeping with you. Girls need to learn that a way to a mans heart, is NOT through sex!

no.

OK. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVISE.

Your welcome!

I’m sorry, It doesnt matter if a your a teen, OR an adult, NEVER have sex with a guy your not commited to. Besides, sex doesnt just happen. It can stop at any time. There’s a difference between feeling an emotion and acting on that emotion. Trouble crops up when two people want different things…(especially when your not even in a relationship) Guys really arent that complex. The “hes not ready for a commitment” is the dead giveaway, and the fact that hes dating other girls! Hes had sex with you, but he wont commit to you…isnt that telling you something right there? Hes not going to just walk out on you. I mean, how is that going to make him look? Of course hes going to stay in contact with you. Personally, I see nothing more than a friendship here, because if he really truly liked you in the “right way”, you would be his girlfriend…instead hes leaving his options open. You can think that there is something more going on between you, but there are some red flags! I may not be as old as you, but I do know how guy works.

Here is something I have sent to many people:

~Stages in a healthy relationship look like this:

Attraction toward one another

Friendship

Dating

Taking things slowly

Getting to really know one another’s likes and dislikes, values and value systems

Getting to know each other’s friends and family

Getting to know each other’s interests.

Do you have enough in common by now to see if the relationship grows further?

If so, continue to take things slowly:

No sex! Remember, having sex with dating partners is not practicing for marriage, it is practicing for divorce.

Enjoy minimal physical touches: hand-holding, light kissing, arms around each other, hugs, looking into each others eyes. Enjoy the chemistry without the sex.

Have you had any fights yet? Even when disagreeing, each should remain respectful of the other person.

Have you discovered each other’s faults? Can you live with them? In other words, are you able to accept the other person, faults and all without trying to change one another?

Have you found out whether or not each of you has the same values upon which to grow your relationship? Do you have similar goals in life, similar objectives?

Do you find yourself growing together more, or are you finding too many differences in your lives to really make a relationship strong and secure? Break ups do not have to be devastating if/when you discover together that you do not have enough in common to make a commitment work.

Do you have a spiritual bond with each other—do you have a similar faith background to see you through the rough times as well as the good times?

All of the above will give you a good foundation for a lasting relationship.

~Remember, it takes time to discover all these things about each other. If you enter into a sexual bond before a marriage commitment, you will not have the closeness in other areas that will be very important for a solid foundation. Statistics have proven this, time and time again~.