Why did he leave me and how to get closure?

About 5 days ago my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me, saying that he just wanted to be friends and wasn’t ‘feeling’ our relationship. He said he was sorry, and that I didn’t do anything wrong. This was a total shock to me, as we had been perfect just the day before and were very happy with each other. We both had strong feelings for one another and our relationship was not problematic/rocky. He’s 16, I’m 15. He was always telling me how much he loved me and needed me, was a bit clingy, and was honestly not just a boyfriend to me, but a best friend.

The night he broke up with me I asked if we could talk and he coldly told me that there was ‘nothing to talk about’.

The other night he had texted me asking if I was at school the day after, and that he had been looking for me and if I saw him. I said no, as I had been at school but hadn’t seen him. He replied with an ‘I’m sorry’. Last night, I texted him a simple ‘Hey, what’s up?’ to try to get to the bottom of this. Our conversation went pretty much nowhere. I have not talked to him or seen him since.

I was really upset about it, as I was really happy with this guy and truly did have feelings for him.

So I’m wondering, what is the REAL reason he broke it off with me (I don’t see how we could have had what we had and gone through what we have and just end it that easily)? You would think maybe ‘another girl’ (and maybe I’m just in denial), but with my last ex (who liked another girl), it was somewhat instictual and could see it coming. He was always talking to her on myspace, texting/calling her, and hanging out with her. I already knew about the other girl and felt him getting disant, so I broke it off, and they went out a week later.

With my current (ex)boyfriend, I just don’t see that as he’s always been hanging out with/calling/texting ME and was never distant (albeit he was very moody at times, but this has always been a thing of his). This breakup was so abrupt and sudden that I’m still in shock.

It doesn’t seem like he wants to talk to me at all, but I think I deserve an explanation. He was so good to me in our relationship, never cheated/treated me with disrespect/lied/etc. but even my friends have been talking about what a jacka** he’s being.

Some of my friends think he broke it off because he was afraid of getting hurt. He once thought that I was cheating on him with my best friend and sometimes thought I wasn’t really ‘into him’.

So, down to my questions.

-What do you think is a possible reason for him leaving me?

-How should I go about initiating a conversation so I can get some closure? (should I even try?)

-Do you think it’s possible that he still has feelings for me or that we would get together again? (is it even worth it?)

Answer #1

As bimjob said, “ this relationship has run its course”. Its not like the two of you are in your late 20s, married, and he just up and decided he didnt want to be with you anymore. Its a teen relationship which rarely last, because feelings change. Its nothing you did personally. Its just hes not feeling it with you anymore. It happens all the time. The explanation he gave you, most likely is all your going to get. Do you want him to tell you he doesnt like you anymore? The one who ends a relationship usually tries to do it nicely, and thats what he did.

My feeling is, he left because he doesnt feel the same way about you. He has probably been stewing over his feelings for sometime now, and when he was with you, everything seemed ok, but I’m sure after he left, all that changed. So, the day he did it, was probably the day he worked up some courage. (there doesnt have to be any problems in a relationship to make someone want out. Feelings come, and go, and thats why its called “young love”)

Move on. Realize its over, because you arent going to get the closure you want. If he had feelings for you, he wouldnt have ended the relationship in the first place.

Answer #2

I think the hardest thing for you right now is that burning question, “Why?”

You’ve been broadsided by his announcement, and it’s always terrible to be in that position. He’s had a lot more time to think it through, he’s undoubtedly had anxiety over telling you, and the rough part is that you have had to take the brunt of the shock and you’re still trying to accept it, while he’s already moved on. That’s the unfortunate nature of breakups.

Are you familiar with the 5 stages of grief? They apply not just when someone dies, but when we face any type of shock or significant change in our lives. And they don’t always happen in the same order, and some parts may last longer than others.

1, Denial – this can’t be happening to me, it’s not real

  1. Anger – this shouldn’t be happening to me!! Why me?
  2. Bargaining – if I’m a better person… maybe then…
  3. Depression – what’s the use? why bother?
  4. Acceptance – Wow, I think I’m ok.

I even saw these 5 stages when a friend of mine broke his leg. Luckily he only toook 3 weeks to get to the acceptance point.

I hope you feel better soon!

Answer #3

I’m very sorry for your breakup, but this relationship has run its course. He has been honest enough to tell you that it’s over, rather than cheated on you. He probably will never get back with you as your boyfriend.

It’s time to take a deep breath and move on, hurt but a little wiser.

Good Luck!!

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