My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and have argued in the past, but nothing worth a break up.
My father is an alcoholic and sometimes gets violent when he's drunk. He slapped me across the face and shoved me to the ground Friday evening (June 14th) while I was getting ready to go out with my boyfriend. I postponed my date for a couple hours because I was crying, my face was red where I got slapped, and I didn't want my boyfriend to see me like that. He knew about my father's problems though.
Around 9pm, I went to my boyfriend's house and we made dinner. He surprised me with my favorite dessert, we watched a movie, and made love. After making love, we cuddled and he noticed some of my bruises. He knew they were from my father because it's not the first time he's attacked me. It was the third time this month. My boyfriend got angry and wanted to call the cops. I told him no. He got up and said we were going to drive over to my father's apartment and he was going to talk to him. I said no and he said that the violence has to stop. I told him I can't control my father's behavior and my boyfriend said the only way to control him was to give him an ultimatum. I said no because I know he'll pick alcohol over me.
My boyfriend said the violence was making him crazy and so was me "enabling" my father. He told me he can't have this in his life anymore because knowing what's going on and not being able to stop it is too much for him. He said he was worried something would happen to me or that he'd do something we'd both regret (calling the cops for example). I asked if he was asking me to choose him or my father and he told me he didn't want me to lose my father, but he can't have this drama in his life.
I tried to convince him why he shouldn't worry about me (practically begged him to not end the relationship), but he wouldn't change his mind. While I was getting ready to leave, he told me that he wanted to be friends. I said no and he said if I ever changed my mind or needed anything or a place to stay, to call him. I said no again and left.
I was pulling into the parking lot in my father's apartment when my (ex) boyfriend called me and told me he had just gotten off the phone with his friend and he made a mistake. He told me that when he watched me leave, he wanted to stop me. He apologized and asked me to come back. I said no.
It was a long week and I couldn't get him out of my head. I decided he was right and told my father that we can either go to family therapy or I was going to move out. I was too scared to tell him to choose between me and drinking because I knew what his response would be, but I knew I could talk him into family therapy. I thought about calling my (ex) boyfriend for a few days and finally did to thank him for giving me the push I needed. I was secretly hoping he'd ask me to come back and was very happy when he did.
We talked about how our weeks had been. I told him that I was depressed about our breakup and he said he was too. He said he had to tell me something that he wanted me to hear from him first (we have mutual friends who introduced us). He told me that he slept with someone Tuesday (June 18th) and again the next day, but that it meant nothing. He told me he was embarrassed to admit it was a rebound thing and he thought we weren't going to make up. He said he felt guilty and that he thought of me while he was sleeping with her. He told me that nothing is better than sex with someone you care about and that the casual sex he had with the other girl felt "wrong". He said he ended the sexual relationship with the girl on Thursday, but admitted he stills texts her "every now and then". They've been friends for a few months.
When he first told me, I was mad for like two seconds. I feel like he and I broke up and whatever happened while we were broken up is not really my business. My friends told me that the message he sent was more important and that by sleeping with another girl so quickly, he never cared about me in the first place. A few of them are a little biased though because they never approved of my relationship with my boyfriend because we slept together on our second date and there is a 19 year age gap between us (he's 39, I'm 20).
My aunt (who approved of our relationship and liked him before I told her he slept with another girl) told me that she can't get past him sleeping with someone else so quickly after the break up and can't imagine how I could. Whenever I think about him with another girl, I get jealous, but I remind myself that he wasn't my boyfriend and we both thought our relationship was done. My aunt thinks he is a pig.
I still love him and don't want to break up again, but do you think my friends and aunt are right?
Sorry that I wrote a novel, but thanks for reading it!
ummmm i agree with your friends because you may think since you werent together it dosent really matter but it does because if you "love" someone why would u think of another or go sleep with someone so soon after breaking up... my bf and i are always off n on but he says what i do while were not together still matters cause once i talked to a guy he dident like after we only broke up for a day n he got pissedd like so mad... like i dident sleep or flirt with the guy but even thou u werent together i think it shows how much he loved you cuz for him it ment nothing but why would he even think of another girl if he loved u like i couldent take someone back after that n i think you deserve better.... n i agree with iffy i just think if he really loved you he couldent imagin being without you n that he would try his hardest to help you threw your problems with your dad or that he would be there for you when you needed someone to talk to about that like thats not a good enough reason to just end a relationship
I'm going to have to agree with the idea that what he did was wrong. It doesn't really matter whether or not he thought you guys weren't going to get back together - he left you when you needed him most, and then started sleeping around a few days later. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't have done either things. If he was so upset about the breakup, he would have come to his senses as a mature adult and talked to you about it. He also wouldn't still be texting her after he slept with her if he felt so guilty about it. If he loved you, he'd be showing it a whole lot more. Words mean nothing if the actions behind the words aren't there to support them. You deserve better than him.
still dosent make it ok like i thought it was over for good to n my bf still got so mad it just kinda seems like if he was so soon to sleep with someone that he dosent care about u or love u like he says n ik u think different but were all outsiders and i think we see it different n always see whats happening when you kinda are willing to forgive him easy it seems....but just to what ever feels right like if u feel that him sleeping with someone so soon after breaking up dosent bug you then go for it do what ever makes you happy...but your aunt n family are just trying to protect you cause that seems kinda bad for him to go n do that so soon after
He's dealt with my problems for awhile now and I think he broke up with me impulsively because he was mad. I think it was just something really stupid that he did in the moment. I didn't expect to get back together either. We talked about it in person and he knows he messed up and I can tell he feels very guilty. I told him I'm not angry, but I'm disappointed and he said that was even worse. I told him that we went a few steps back over this and he said he understands and wants to make it up to me. Everyone makes mistakes.
He did come to his senses and called me back when I was driving home and apologized, but I practically threw it back in his face because my head was still spinning. That was something stupid that I did that I regretted as soon as I came to my senses. They were friends before they slept together, so I don't know if it's fair to be mad over at him for texting her. I'm a little jealous that it even happened, but I feel like my jealousy is my problem that I need to deal with.
He told me that sex with his friend felt wrong and he thought about me a lot and missed me. I really don't think he thought we were getting back together because I was pretty cold to him on the phone when he called me to apologize. I think he broke up with me because he was frustrated at the situation. He's the type who always wants to help and goes crazy when he can't.
Okay, your ex boyfriend is a grown man. I got the feeling that he just wants someone to hang out with and sleep with. He doesn't want any drama in his life. He is selfish. He just doesn't want to deal with any of your problems. Instead of helping you get through everything you're going through, he dumped you.
mad at him for texting her* I started to say mad over texting, but I thought of a better way to say it and didn't delete over. Sorry about that...
Kay well it's up to you. If you can get past what happened, it's your decision.
