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right now im just feeling really down. everythings a mess and I can't imagine things getting much better anytime soon. my family is just so messed up. I have a horrible horrible step mum. I just ignore her. I am not allowed to make eye contact with her otherwise I get grounded...sad thing is im not joking. im only allowed in one room in my house. she even put up a webcam in the hallway to spy on us that is how pathetic she is. All the other rooms except bedroom and toilet get locked when they are at work. I have no idea what my dad sees in her. shes made my life hell ever since I was little. my mum died when I was 8 and my dad got married when to my step mum when I was 9. our house used to be full now there's barely any of us left. 1 brother is in foster care because of her. 2 of her own children are in foster care because of her. the only reason I am not in foster care is because of my dad. I cant do that to him. but I just despise her so much. she used to hit me and throw me against draws I had scratches all down my back, then she'd throw me in a bath of cold water and say I wasnt allowed out until I apologised and social services were involved. she got arrested for it but I didnt press charges because I thought I was doing the right thing. she doesn't do it anymore thankfully. its more emotional abuse nowadays. she picks on me and my little brother so much. for the littlest things. but she goes through my dad to do it. she refuses to talk to me. we don't see each other. we don't speak at all..ever. if she has something to say she'l say to my dad. 'will you tell her to tidy it up now' and when my dad's shouting at me, she will stand outside and ear wig and I hate it. one time I had my music on not loud just average and she couldnt tell me herself to turn it down she had to ring my dad up who was out with friends telling him to ring me to tell me to turn it down. I found that a little pathetic but ah wel. it's all a bit of a rant but I just need to get it out. im sick of her I can't find any good in her at all. She puts me down so much. Im really self conscious and have no confidence in myself at all. I hate looking in the mirror because I hate what I see. she's convinced me im hideous. One time my dad said he thought I was pretty and she just laughed in his face. I know im nothing special but why does she have to be so cruel?? I ask my dad all the time why he likes her, he just avoids it. I only have another 2 years till I can go to uni and get as far away from here as possible. I'm always the strong one though. I used to have a councellor and stuff and I am always smiley and happy it surprises them but sometimes im not as strong as everyone thinks. I do get really down and sometimes I just wish I had a proper family who cared about me. and what I want most of all is a mum. or a mother figure. feel like I've missed out on so much. I don't want to sound ungrateful though because there are plenty of people worse off than me but I dunno im just feeling proper down right now and I dont know what to do. Usually I just grin and bare it. something I find really easy. im constantly smiling..its just me but I dunno sometimes I just feel really sad but I dont show it. any advice??
xxx
Hallo darling, I must say venting by writing or talking to people close to you is the best cure, so I am very glad to see you're doing that. If you were to step back out of you position and look at this situation from a outsiders point of view. People don't just become heartless and horrible, it takes someone either being neglected or abused physically or emotionally to make some one cold like you say your step mum is. Realize and be glad to know you are, and will be a much better person then she is. Most people who do these things never actually see anything wrong, they live in um what do you call it, a Rose tinted world? and your dad might be doing the same not wanting to admit that there IS a problem. you may want to write EVERYTHING that bugs you or facts that you dad might be over looking down on paper and go out away from where ever your step mum is and have a real talk and give him that list, when its in writing people tend to pay more attention. if he does not budge then know that he does love you and at some point will realize his mistakes. All you can do is try to find the best support/someone to talk to, and always have a get away either a friends house, a park, your room, some where you never have to worry if you are doing something wrong, or are going to be yelled at.
Don't ever try to be to strong though because the longer you hold things in the weaker and harder you fall, it is in everyone to get angry and upset its what people do. just picture yourself in 3 years, time goes by faster than you think and you will soon be looking back on this and at that time you WILL be a stronger girl. don't become to numb to this abuse though to where it become acceptable to you, you deserve what you set your mind to and you can easily get it.
Ps. you are a beautiful girl and a smile that needs to be shared..
-Amber
www.myspace.com/myxlamb
Keep thinking positive thoughts.
I'd also suggest that you make sure you have some woman a few years older than you who you can vent back and forth with. That, and using a few of your online friends as sounding boards will not only help keep you sane but sound and knowledgeable.
I don't know your religious preferences. Mine include a belief in reincarnation and purpose. Accordingly the following poem:
I choose
I chose to be born, – to live or die, Even the sex, that would be I; I chose the race, from which to appear, Also my wealth, my health and my fear.
I chose my trials and stumbling blocks, And the legs I would use, in all of those walks; I chose my sadness, my joy and my love, I chose to serve and not be above.
I chose this life – with all of its dues, And with each dawn, again I choose; The experiences for me that wait ahead, To be alive, or be claimed dead.
And of the future lives I've yet, It is my choice that I begat; All the things, however pleasin', That shall befall me in those seasons.
It sounds to me like she has either mental or emotional issues. Don't just pretend to be happy. Be competly honest with your councilors and make sure your father knows just how hard a time you're having. Sometimes mothers don't know how to be mothers, step or real. I think it's time you stood up for yourself and your little brother. How old is he, by the way?
If there are hard times now, just wait until she thinks she is about to lose control over you. Don't let it get that far. Get out of there. Go with a family member, or go into foster care. Also, there are some great group homes and shelters for abused children. I was in one for a while in my teens, and it was the best!
You don't have to go it alone. I'll be praying for you!
okay well obviously your having a really hard time deciding how to tell anyone about your crazy strp mom...but im thinking shes just a miserable person I love it how you stay smiley and appreciative and saying that other people have it worse...but hunny thats horrible...and I know its hard to even think about her the least bitt...but she sounds like she needs a lot of love maybe when she was younger her parents were mean to her and she thinks thats how you handle a child but it isnt you have to show her love and show her that your responsible and that you care for tell your dad that you want to have a meaningful conversation with your step mom...belive me it'll work...she just needs a little bitt of loving
Omg same problem I got absoloutly sick of it and went to my doctor (their not just there if you got a cold!) and told him everything and he said it mite be the cause of my low self esteam deppresion and anxeity. And what she's doing is totally what I went through with the only allowed in one room.. I got grownded for a month and got kicked out the house for a week for sitting next to my dad on the sofa one night!
Just get out of that atmosphere and if your dad really cares for you he'll understand.. I thought I coudnt do it to my dad but what your going through no1 should go through.. be brave and get outa there!!
Good Luck =) x
If you are really feeling that much animosity towards her, you can always try to get emancipated. Get out and try and make it on your own. You may find that once you are out of the house you can have a better relationship with your dad.
