http://www.funadvice.com/my/advice/mister_clever_trousers Welcome to Mister Clever Trousers' world of Everything. I used a capital "E" on Everything to highlight just how much of everything I know. For more specific information on Everything and more, please read my book "Mister Clever Trousers World Guide". The 2008 edition of this book is now available on my website. If you purchase a copy before 30th June 2008 I will include a complimentary actual scale map of the world. en-us Yes mister_clever_trousers Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:51:44 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/should_i_strip_on_the_weekends_to 540920 Vijay Mallya is reportedly looking at a 26% shareholding in Spicejet. mister_clever_trousers Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:50:08 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/business_quotient 540918 I would call your band "Precious" - gems and jades are precious stones. mister_clever_trousers Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:15:55 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/band_name_171582 540897 I know what's happening during the video "Billie Jean" - I vomit uncontrollably and my dog runs in circles howling and slashes the loungeroom furniture. mister_clever_trousers Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:13:34 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/micheal_jackson 540896 Darth Spastic?? mister_clever_trousers Sat, 24 May 2008 17:24:00 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/dark_static_81373 358384 "Do unto others...then run" mister_clever_trousers Mon, 19 May 2008 01:30:43 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_are_some_good_inspirational 352880 Who ate all the pies? mister_clever_trousers Sun, 18 May 2008 02:18:26 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/who_throws_tennis_shoes_over_the 352064 This question was posted over three years ago and no-one has posted even one tourist attraction in Reims! I dunno about you but I'm ready to cross Reims off my list of potential holiday destinations. Just for the record, the "Mister Clever Trousers Guide To Everything" lists the following information for Reims : Joan of Arc Festival (Fetes Johanniques), Reims, France 01 Jun 2008 - 30 Jun 2008 Date to be confirmed Celebrating the life of the great battle matriarch Joan of Arc, each year the city of Reims puts on a packed programme of historic events dedicated to the French heroine. Young and old alike travel to Reims to enjoy this fun festival which includes parades, battle re-enactments, fencing competitions, falconry demonstrations and a medieval market where visitors have the opportunity to buy traditionally-made crafts and goods. Up to 2,000 people dressed as courtiers and minstrels take part in a coronation cortege through Reims on the Sunday which is capped off with a large fireworks display in the evening. Wow...parades, fencing competitions, falconry demos. Loads of drunk Frenchies dressed up in period costume. Sounds just like my average Saturday night really... mister_clever_trousers Sun, 18 May 2008 02:15:18 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_is_worth_seeing_in_reims 352062 Maybe they just like to keep abreast of things mister_clever_trousers Sun, 18 May 2008 00:06:28 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/do_you_think_531 352035 I'm guessing you were also annoyed with the movie "The Never Ending Story"...because it ended. mister_clever_trousers Mon, 17 Mar 2008 03:21:04 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/the_jetsons 267661 I know heaps of people who say that God nevers answers their prayers. I just realised something...they all speak English. None of my Spanish friends complain that God doesn't answer their prayers. Based on this my theory is that God doesn't speak English. Perhaps he only speaks Spanish? mister_clever_trousers Sat, 08 Mar 2008 16:00:58 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/prayer 254898 Actually you still say "Hello" in Portuguese. If you say "Hello how are you", it's "Hello como é você?" in Portuguese. mister_clever_trousers Sat, 23 Feb 2008 00:52:18 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/help_183 232808 Or perhaps you could start by advertising in your local paper. Something like : "Pirate available. Willing to plunder, steal valuables, scuttle ships. Non-smoker. Health excellent. Available for immediate start. Have own parrot and eye-patch. mister_clever_trousers Fri, 08 Feb 2008 03:58:50 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/pirate 214964 George W. Bush mister_clever_trousers Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:17:47 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_are_some_really_funny_jokes 211419 À votre partie le samedi je souhaite faire pipi dans votre cuvette de goldfish. mister_clever_trousers Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:16:18 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/please_translate_to_french 211418 Peter was always the butt of the apostles practical jokes. He would come home tired from a big day of fishing and find they had short sheeted his bed. Or he would be getting dressed and find he had two left sandals. Once they dobbed him in to the Romans, claiming he had exposed himself to a centurion and shouted "All Romans are gay and Pilate is a poofter". At the Last Supper Judas put a whoopee cushion under his seat and pissed himself laughing. The traitor. mister_clever_trousers Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:16:27 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/how_did_peter_suffer_in_the_acts 208158 How many cigarettes a day does he smoke? Maybe he should switch to a low tar brand. mister_clever_trousers Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:05:21 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/my_male_monkey 208151 You asked if your desire to run around the house nude is a problem. So is your concern : (a). that you want to conduct some sort of athletic track and field event indoors? (If thats your concern you could mark out a track with tape or streamers and remove any obstructions like furniture. For timekeeping you could employ a family member to keep tabs with a stopwatch. If you intend to run a marathon event in the confined space of your home, you need to be mindful that this may encroach on other housemember's activities such as cooking, eating, sleeping or leisure activities like watching television. Plan the running track carefully beforehand with these points in mind.) or is your concern : (b). that you prefer to be nude whilst engaging in this track event? I would suggest that if your concern is (a). then you have a problem. On the other hand (b). is quite healthy and normal. mister_clever_trousers Thu, 31 Jan 2008 23:45:00 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/is_this_a_problem 207073 Don't EVER feel guilty because you don't feel what others tell you to feel, because you don't think what others tell you to think, or because you don't believe what others tell you to believe. Find what YOU believe in and be true to that. The greatest thing you can be in this life is YOURSELF. The people who are truly connected will not preach at you, rather they will encourage and support you to find out who you truly are. Use what others say (myself included) as a guideline, but at the end of the day be Yourself and don't be ashamed of what You believe. Good luck! mister_clever_trousers Thu, 31 Jan 2008 23:24:08 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/god_devil_heaven_hell 207065 I think that pirates are far more accomplished than ninjas in the field of movies and entertainment. Practically every DVD I own has a warning at the beginning that says I might have a pirate movie. Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure there is no movie in existence that warns viewers that they might have a ninja movie. I can spot a pirate DVD a mile off now. Last week I think I rented a pirate copy of "The Sound Of Music". Julie Andrews was wearing an eye patch and had a parrot on her shoulder. mister_clever_trousers Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:55:43 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/ninjas_vs_pirates 206733 I believe in God. I also believe that butter is better than margarine. I don't go around the supermarket calling margarine eaters "non-believers" though. mister_clever_trousers Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:48:05 -0800 206728 Do you think the same spirit will re-possess my home or will it be a different discarnate entity? Better the devil you know I guess! mister_clever_trousers Thu, 31 Jan 2008 03:23:49 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/repossession 206146 If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving - Mister Clever Trousers mister_clever_trousers Tue, 29 Jan 2008 23:11:46 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/can_you_give_me_some 204957 ...and you also end up with a wet forehead. That bit can be proven. mister_clever_trousers Tue, 29 Jan 2008 02:21:18 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_are_the_effects_of_baptism 203861 If it were me, I wouldn't go at all. Then I would ring the host the day after, congratulate him on a brilliant party and ask what he thought of my Invisible Man outfit. mister_clever_trousers Sun, 27 Jan 2008 16:24:18 -0800 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_to_wear_to_a_superhero_or_villian 202431