Why should this bother me?

ok so heres the deal... me and my girlfriend were having a conversation the other night about far had gone with other people... (and I know thats not exactly a good conversation topic with your girlfriend, but we are very open with each other)... and it turns out that she had gone farther with her last boyfriend then I had expected... (oh and for the record we are both virgins)... and at first it shocked me... and bothered me a lot... because the guy she dated with a complete jerk and such a waste of time... and I don't know... I know im not suppose to let things that happened in the past bother me but I cant help thinking about it for some reason... she says that it meant nothing to her and regretted doing it almost immediately... but I don't know I cant get it out of my head...

I don't know if im looking for advice here or just needed someone to rant to...
I would really like it if someone had advice for me tho...

Sometimes it can be hard to get that stuff out of your head. It's normal to feel a bit of jealousy over guys like your girlfriend's ex (ie: "He's such a jerk, why would she let him go that far with her, when I'm a bajillion times nicer than him?!", and it's also normal for her to regret it.

I think you need to remember that it's in the past- sure, acknowledge that it happened. But remember, she's not with that guy now, she's with you. We've all done stuff in the past we've regretted, no doubt you've done a few things in your lifetime you wish you hadn't. But it shows real strength of character that she knows she shouldn't have done it. I'd be more worried if she didn't regret it.

By all means, tell her it bothers you a bit. It's important you can talk about these things, and work through them together, as it helps to strengthen your relationship.

All the best to you both!

thank you for that. it actually made me feel a bit better. =]

oh boy this happened to me a few weeks ago...when I asked my boyfriend how many people he had sex with he said 2 other girls. well 3 months later we were talking about how young our son would be when he lost his virginity, and my boyfriend says "16" and I say "no thats too young" and then he says "what? I was 16" and it turns out just his tip went into a girl that I didnt even know he was ever involved with and I got so upset about it. we didnt talk for like 15 minutes (we were in the car) I ended up saying that I was sorry for getting so mad at him (he didnt consider that having sex thats why he never mentioned it) I just told him I was upset he didnt tell me about her..I said I love you no matter what and everything was fine...
I think that its normal for you to feel somewhat jealous and angry that you didnt know about it, but what you have to realize is that she is with YOU not the other guy. she wants to be with you.
hope this helped
good luck!

You're "Chasing Amy" ever see that movie? It will answer your question.

It's some macho male BS, that we don't want to ask, be we just need to know. Curiosity gets the best of us, and then puts us right down on our behinds. Especially when the significant other has more experience than you. Makes us seem less empowering, again macho male BS.

Best thing to remember is what happened in the past, is in the past, and that's were it should stay. She is with you now and that's all that matters. Live in the moment.

Good Luck

Dear hockeyj216 ,

Well that is a tough situation to be in... think about it though how you felt for her only changed when you found out how far she had gone with some one else if you had not know you feeling/opionion would not have changed. Try and for a min. place your self in her shoes...think about how she is feeling and how hard it may have been for her to share with you how she was feeling and then what she may have done with him..she only told you because she TRUSt you and deeply CARES for you..or I am sure she never would have told you such a private matter.

Now think what if you had done the same thing or things that she has done you wouldn't want her to use that against you now would you? Also I know that she said she regrests it but that is just plain stupid if you think about it becuase things that we regret are things that at one point we had wanted...keep that in mind alright.

You say that is bothers you because he was a compleate jerk and a waste of time I have to ask is that really the truth?

You shouldn't hold some thing against someone that they have done in their past and when they where not with you if you do that then you may never find a partner in life.

As long as she stays faithful and honest with you ( and you should be glad that she was) then I am not seeing a real issue here..I can understand your feelings but that is normal and you are choosing to hold on to them...The only way any type of a relationship works out is to be honest and talk things out..relationships take a lot of work to work ...one thing I know that causes a lot of issues is when people dont talk about the little things that bother them it all build up and causes problems latter on so speak your mind about everything sit together and work it out.

Good Communication is the key to a good relationship
Good Luck
Dark wolf