Why do i still need him?

Last year, I told my friend (lets call her Alice) that I liked this guy. To tell you the truth (this is embarrassing) I was pretty much obssessed with him ever since I became friends with him for the second time. That's right... second...

You see, me...

and (lets call him Eric) were considered best friends when we were kids. We met on the second day of grade four and we were practically joined at the hip until grade seven. In grade seven a girl made up a rumor about me and lied to him about me because she liked him and thought there was something between us besides friends. To this day he won't tell me what she said, and he's begged me to forgive him for even believing her for a moment, but he said it was something he didn't know how to deal with. So he began ignoring me, running away from me. I thought she told him I had a crush on him or something, but he said it was something much more serious.

I couldn't figure out why my best friend suddenly hated me, and the same girl came up to me to tell me, Eric says to stop talking to him and that he hates you. When I asked why, she just shrugged and said, Because you've got a new best friend and he can't handle it! I didn't. She was kind of this girl who clung on. We weren't really friends, she just thought I'd make her popular (I'm not popular by the way, or anything like that, I'm what someone called an in-between).

So in grade eight, he ends up in my class. He has a girlfriend who ends up being one of the few friends I had. I absolutely hated him though. I hated him every minute of every day and I avoided him every minute I got. Until one day he came up to me and sat down. And just... started talking, like nothing had happened. So I asked him, Why are you talking to me... I thought you hated me? He told me that since I was friends with his girlfriend and he knew what type of person she was, there's no way that what that girl before (who ended up moving away in the middle of grade seven) could be true.

I still don't know what that means. And his girlfriend ended up cheating on him and degrading him and dominizing him all the time. So finally, he took my advice (he started getting very close with me again, it was like nothing had happened), and broke up with her. But then... that summer I told Alice that I liked him, that even when I hated him, I wanted him at the same time. But I told myself, I PROMISED myself that I would be the only girl that didn't fall for him. Of course, stupid me! I did...

Alice told me she didn't like him. That they were friends and not very good ones at that.

Then I went away for a month on vacation... when I came back his ex-girlfriend (lets name her Evelyn) calls me and laughs. She says, You should really go talk to your friend Alice. She's got some fun news just for you. At first Alice wouldn't tell me... she kept avoiding whatever I asked. So finally I gave up. It was about two weeks after Eric and Evelyn broke up and I told Alice I was kind of excited... you know... he was single again and I might have a chance.

Then she gets all quiet and says... Um... I'm the reason he left Evelyn... we're going out now.

That really hurt... she told me she didn't like him!! When I said this she told me, Well... I didn't like him until I found out he liked me! I could've died. I almost did try to kill myself, but I got too scared. I ended up just crying mself to sleep for weeks on end. I know... it's completely pathetic!

So they've been going out for about a year now I guess... and everytime they had a problem they both came to me for advice. I never tried to break them up and I ended up saving their relationship more then once. But I was so angry... Alice kept saying things like I like this kid now... or I'm trying to decide on a good time to break up with Eric every now and again... and when I would talk with Eric about it and he'd get upset (I know... but I'm closer with him then I could ever be with her... I felt like I was betraying him if I didn't say SOMETHING) she'd say I was lieing or that she'd never do something like that!!

Then in January... Eric called me... right before he hung up the phone he told me... he liked me.

I actually couldn't stand straight. I fell onto the ground... the phone making that beeping noise in my hand still. I sat there laughing and crying until someone came home and I locked myself in my room. This was going to cause problems.

Eric suddenly started ignoring me again a week after... I didn't know why. And ever since he hasn't opened up to me as much... until the last few days... he was talking to me like his old self again! He told me things he couldn't tell Alice or anyone else... and then Alice says it...

I still like Justin (her old boyfriend who she met on the internet (?? I know.. what the heck??)). Eric knew about him... and he knew I was keeping a secret from him. He ended up coaxing it out of me.. something I'm not proud of. He's upset now... and I understand why... but... he does have a right to know doesn't he? Or am I just being selfish?

He doesn't like me anymore... I think... I'm pretty sure actually... but... I told him I still liked him... and thats why things were so horrible coming from me (things like your girlfriend likes her ex ... again...).

I don't know what to do anymore... I need him so much. I thought I could move on, and I even went out with someone else for a while but always the same... I can't stop thinking about him... and I constantly miss him... the way he smells... the way he laughs... and his eyes are so amazing... he's the ONE person who has ever looked me in the eye everytime we talk. Alice can't do it at all.

Sometimes I get the feeling he's leading me on, enjoying the feeling of being wanted by so many people... but then... I don't know... he's just so... I need him. But I told him... thats the reason I'm not going to the same high school as him next year in grade ten... because I can't take it... a whole other year of knowing that he's never going to be mine!!

And I KNOW that he's never going to be mine! So why do I need him so badly??

- Alone Sad-

Man this guy is taking you for some ride and so is your so called friend alice! you need to stay away from her or she will continue trying to take all your future bfs. This isnt nice what they have done and it all seems like drama drama. And he is taking your for some emotional rollercoaster! one minute he likes you, leads you on, then nothing, then leading you on again! be dont with it! try moving on and distancing yourself away, you know he doesnt like you so dont hang onto him anymore.

If he keeps leading you on liek that, drop him, and keep on moving on, And never tell anyone who you like, or they'll screw it all up.

ohh jeezzz..weelll I'm not trying to give advice on this. I don't even know how I stumbled up on such an old question lol..but this is CRAZZZY lol..a lot had happened between you two..or you 3 I should say..I juss wanna know.. WHAT'S going ON IN YOUR WORLD NOW ?? ARE you OK?? you can fun mail me if you want !! lol I'm DYIN to know :]