Why do i feel so dead?

I dont even know whats wrong with me.
I get sad and sucidal for no reason at all
I feel ashaemd about writing it on here, but I cut my wrists, I have been doing for about a year and I cant stop, I've had to get stitches a few times too.
I feel so...

worthless and my life seems so pointless
Then I feel bad because loads of people have a worse life than me, but they just get on with it.
To feel numb I smoke things, get drunk more often and do other things that make me feel better.
I know its so stupid but I dont know what else I'm supposed to be living for.
People say I should see a doctor, but I'm so shy and I found it so hard the last time I saw one.
I have friends but I feel like they dont care about me.
I just dont care about anything anymore.
Apparently I have ocd and anxiety problems too.
Sorry to whine.

Honey.. I was the same way in my teens, (excluding the cutting-this is back in the mid 80's and I would have if it would of been something I had even heard of.. I instead punched walls, banged my head, bit my finger... because I had so much pain inside, that when I hurt myself external I felt a rush of tranquility)
I did not go for help until after my first child was born-extreme postpartum was as soon as I left the hospital returned home - it was awful!
I really wish I had waited until 7 years ago to get professional assistance. But after trials/med changes I am for once in my life not hating it. . mostly myself.
Gosh I cud go on and on..
So I'll sum it up. It is not your fault you feel this way, your brain chemicals are out of wack..
**1st need to get on depression pills (if you already are they're not working after time they can even do the opposite affect.. more depressed SO get those changed) I've tried numerous brands.. but the one that is working the best is Effexor XR Welbutrion (sp.?).
**2ndly see a Licensed Psychologist.. I didn't think it would help, but it really does..

OK I'll quit now. Just remember people that have not gone through a depression HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA - you just cannot make yourself feel better.. or get outta bed.. or walk outside etc..

It sounds like you need professional help

Sometimes these feelings are caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. The fact that you are able to see that your life is not as bad as that of others tells me that you're not reaping your own sorrow

Please talk to your doctor - sometimes the right medication can get you back up to par

Honey.. I was the same way in my teens, (excluding the cutting-this is back in the mid 80's and I would have if it would of been something I had even heard of.. I instead punched walls, banged my head, bit my finger... because I had so much pain inside, that when I hurt myself external I felt a rush of tranquility)
I did not go for help until after my first child was born-extreme postpartum was as soon as I left the hospital returned home - it was awful!
I really wish I had waited until 7 years ago to get professional assistance. But after trials/med changes I am for once in my life not hating it. . mostly myself.
Gosh I cud go on and on..
So I'll sum it up. It is not your fault you feel this way, your brain chemicals are out of wack..
**1st need to get on depression pills (if you already are they're not working after time they can even do the opposite affect.. more depressed SO get those changed) I've tried numerous brands.. but the one that is working the best is Effexor XR Welbutrion (sp.?).
**2ndly see a Licensed Psychologist.. I didn't think it would help, but it really does..

OK I'll quit now. Just remember people that have not gone through a depression HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA - you just cannot make yourself feel better.. or get outta bed.. or walk outside etc..

bbycakes, please heed aloofmn's advice. There is no reason to treat these symptoms any differently than if you were describing any other health problem that another person recognizes as similar to symptoms that they've had. You can get help and be a happier person.