Why can't my man cum?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a couple months. And have been having sex for 11 months. But I have not seen any actual cum come out his penis except for a lil bit of precum. Hes only 19 and says its cause hes been having sex a lot...

in the past. I have read info on the computer but of course it doesn't help at all. I have to admit that I do tell him I want to have his baby now. We are in a long distance relationship but we see each other either evry weekend or every other. I talk to him every day except when he on the job and even then he calls to check up on me. I know hes not cheating (at lease thats what I believe). I also know I have some good stuff, if you know what I mean. So why cant he cum?

Hi, I'm a 28 year old male and I'd like to give my perspective on this issue. I, too, had trouble reaching climax when I first started having sex as a teenager. It was confusing to me because I never had trouble finishing when masturbating. Moreover, it was embarrassing. In retrospect, I think it was actually a very normal experience.

To the first-timers out there:
Masturbation and sex with a partner are very different experiences. When you are masturbating, you are in full control of the experience and you have the benefit of instant feedback. If something happens to feel really good or not so good, you are instantly aware of this fact and you can adjust your technique accordingly. Your mind is also free to imagine whatever erotic fantasy it wants.

With a partner, however, things are different. Your partner doesn't know what feels great to you at that very instant. Your partner might not be as tight as what you are used to--or in some cases maybe your partner is so tight that it hurts. If you're using a condom, as every responsible young man should, the physical sensation of intercourse is much, much less than that of masturbation and it is likely less than you imagined.

For me, sex with a condom was a surprising lack of sensation. I could only begin to feel when the lubrication (both the natural and the bottled kind) wore off and the friction increased. This extra friction gripped and stretched the condom, allowing me to feel more sensation but ultimately *breaking the condom as well*. I'm sure other have had similar experiences--hours-long sex, pain and discomfort, broken condoms, unexpected surprises, feeling guilt, embarrassment, frustration... And I'm telling you it's really not that abnormal.

People think of sex as physical but it is also very psychological. It takes time for the mind to adapt to the new experience and physical sensation of having sex with another person. It takes time to learn how to mentally latch on to a wave of physical pleasure and allow your body to climax. A vagina is typically not as tight as your hand. Lubrication is essential but it reduces friction and therefore reduces the sensation of rubbing. Condoms further reduce physical sensation. I think a lot of guys aren't prepared for this and find that their first tries at sex are not quite what they imagined. I'm not saying that sex sucks--but when you imagine one thing and find reality to be another thing, it takes time to adjust.

My tips for first-timers are as follows:
* Don't assume you have a problem or are broken right away
* Talk to your partner about these issues and come to an understanding with each other
* Relax. Take the pressure off. Sex should be fun--you're not a failure if you don't cum.
* Experiment and try to find things that feel good. Imagine things that turn you on (just don't ever admit to thinking of another girl :P)
* Practice by masturbating with a condom and lube until it doesn't feel like showering with a raincoat on
* Kiss, touch, caress, etc. Remember to stimulate parts of your body OTHER than just your digit. It's half the fun of sex.
* If your partner is quiet, ask him/her to breathe heavy and/or make other stimulating noises
* Try putting a little bit of lube on the *inside tip* of the condom before rolling it on. That can help it feel a little better right around your sensitive part.
* If you start to lose sensation / go a little numb, then just take a break. Don't try to force yourself to the end because it is frustrating, counter-productive, possibly painful, and can lead to performance anxiety. You can just take a 15 minute rest, get some fresh blood in your member, and try again (as long as your partner is still willing).

Once you get used to the new and different sensation of doing it with another person, you should find it easier and easier to cum. Your mind knows what it's getting into and what to expect.

Now I have to respond to those people who said that they think porn and masturbation lead to desensitization and sexual dysfunction. *ahem* F#!@ YOU! Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy. There's an overwhelming consensus on this and I don't need to back up my claims. Go to your nearest family planning clinic and ask a doctor if you don't believe me. Now as for porn: It's not the porn that twists people--it's just that some twisted people mix their porn viewing experiences in with their distorted view of reality. There are more sexually healthy men viewing porn than there are sexually unhealthy porn viewers. Sex is a natural thing. Men are visually stimulated. Weather or not porn screws up your life is based on your cultural background and a pre-existing susceptibility to mental illness. Just because your boyfriend has a big porn collection doesn't mean that he is addicted to porn. Maybe he's addicted, but it's more likely that he simply has a healthy interest in sex. Women: Don't be so insecure and threatened by your guy's pr0n.

And now some free advice to the ladies:
Ladies, ladies, ladies... Some of you think that you have men all figured out: We're an on/off switch whereas you women are as complicated as an airplane cockpit. Let me tell you the truth: Men are sexually simpler than women but we're not *that simple*. We men are used to sexual rejection and we handle the Honey, I have a headache routine fairly well. Women, on the other hand, don't usually handle rejection or criticism very well. We guys know this and if we would like to have sex with you again in the future then we don't answer honestly when you ask us How was THAT!? No, no, instead we say That was great, it was the best--You're the best!

Truth is, IMHO, most of you underestimate male sexuality, overestimate your sexual technique, and could use some instruction or improvement. The fact that every guy you have ever slept with said you were great and that cum came out of his penis does not, in fact, mean that you ARE great. Men are not one-size-fits-all. Your last boyfriend may have loved your bj technique but the next one may not like it at all. Some guys will tell you what they want but a lot are too shy to tell you how you could be better. You may be the cutest or the hottest girl on the planet, but that doesn't mean that you can just lay there like a dead fish during sex. Good looks do not equal good sex. If you really want your guy to have the best possible experience in bed, then don't assume that you are already a sex master or that your techniques are going to be a perfect match for your current guy. Communicate with your partner. Ask him questions (harder? softer? faster? slower? ). Don't ask the generic Is this OK? or Do you like it like this? He'll probably just say yes weather it's true or not. TELL him what you want: Cum on my 'xyz', do me harder, lick my **whatever** Get the picture? Direction is sexier than making him guess

Guys are turned on by different things than women. Your fantasy is not his. Sweet, sexy, and romantic might not push his buttons. Personally, and I think a lot of men are like this, I like to have a lot of control during sex. I don't know if I'd respond well to the bathtub sex-ambush posted above. It sounds like a woman's idea of romance rather than a man's carnal fantasy. I'm sure that some men will disagree with me about this, and that's why it is important to communicate and know your partner well. Here's how I'd ambush myself if I were simultaneously a woman: First I'd just greet myself after work like usual. Maybe he to pee really bad or something--he just got home so he might not be in the mood for sex yet. So step one is to get him aroused and interested like usual, but then I'd tell him to wait because I have a surprise for him in the bedroom. I'll call him when I'm ready--and he's better keep his member ready too, if he knows what I mean *wink*. Then I'd go in the bedroom, undress, and wear a sign around my neck that says SLUT -- One dollar / one time and hold a little dish full of coins. Then call him in and invite him to use me. His way: his terms. His dollar buys him the right to play: he doesn't have to make slut girl cum if he doesn't want to.

So back to the point (men and women): Any time you have sex with a new partner, you both have to discover all over again what works best for each other. It's important to know what you like and communicate that to your partner. What worked for your last partner might not work at all with the new one. Don't be sexually arrogant. All prisoners are innocent and everybody is great in bed... Invariably, if you have sex with the same person 100 times, the first times will not be the best. It's only after you've figured each other out that it gets really good (and good, guys, means for _both_ of you. Not just for yourself).

well if it is his frist time haveing sex it is called blue balls whoch means his testicals are not able to completely force the cum out it normaly only last for the first couple mounths and I only know this because I am in EMS class

he's most likely stressed about sum10

im a guy and ya I got this problem...juts yesterday and the day before my girlfriend tried to make me cum and she says she wants me to fell good and I really do but I just cant cum we tried for 2 days and nope my duck just got tired or something she my first and she did it with only one other guy before me and he did cum like real fast aparrently...I used to watch a lot of porn before my first time...maybe its the answer but I just read in another site that if you drink a lot of water before sex you cum more...but neway the thing is this after coming coming back home I didnt know why I wasnt cumming so I want masturbating without porn or anithing and it took me like 30minutes to cum ...and usualy with porn it tok me like less than 5 minutes ...also I read somewhere ( this might sound weird ) when you have your cellphone in your pocket on vibrate theres some kind of pulses that eliminate your sperm wich might cause problem...I know its weird but it might be true...neway me too I feel better that im not the only guy that doesnt cum...and just to clear this up I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND im young but I want to spend my life with her and I've been waiting 4 year...a bit pathetic but ya and shes attracts me sexualy and physicly and emotionly...so ya its not because I dont love her or she isnt doing a good job SHE IS GREAT...even though she needs time after 15 mins to relax...so I hope I helped you guys

for the first question my man couldnt come because he was on pain medication so if he takes meds for something even ADD or ADHD or anything to relax him maybe even other drugs not sayingthat he does them I just know thats why he couldnt when he stoped he started

Whoa. I want to congratulate ollopa on that excellent answer. I'm definitely going to try his advice later. For me, four, five hours+ of the act without climaxing is a bit annoying. It's amazing exercise, don't get me wrong, and I love mostly every minute of it, and I love how she loves it, but wow. Glad to see I'm not the only one.

I'm 18 and I had sex with my ex three times (Including my 1st time) and I havent cum once!! I just thought it was because im still small or immature or new to sex and that it will change. But now you guys have me worried :|
P:S I cum just fine when masturbating

If could be the way he masturbates. If a guy masturbates certain ways it can desensitize them so they can't cum during sex, only doing it the way their used to. For everyone here, tell them to stop masturbating for 2 weeks and then try sex, it might help. =)

I have been with my man for 11 months and I am 23 and he is 32 years. Our sex life was great. We only have intercourse one day in a week as we do not stay together. But in the last three weeks he could not cum? I have asked him what the problem is and he says he thinks it is stress. I always wonder is he cheating on me? I mean we only sleep together one day in a week and the only time we are together, he cant cum. I think there is more to this

I've had sex 5 times and I'm 17 and I've found that I CAN cum after around 10-15 minutes the first time. The problem though is...that If I solidly keep going I want to cum after like 2 minutes of solidly going. So I pull out and finger her for a few minutes. But I have this problem somewhat too with my current girlfriend(We have had sex 3 times) And she says she feels she isnt pleasuring me enough seeing as she has an orgasm sooner than I do. However if He cant cum it can be good and bad, depending on if you want kids or not. But since he cant cum you two can keep going a lot longer seeing as all of a guy's sexual drive seems to disappear after ejaculating. I doubt what I said helps but I hope so, Ethan(=

very simple, he may have low sperm count, or hiz testicules arnt producing as much as they should and hiz body may be keeping the sperm so that he dozznt bcum steril (caint have babys or cannot produce sperm)

either he has a small penis or it cant shoot out hole with enough pressure

I simply can't come during sex I have been married for four years and my wife seems to have no idea or at least is unconcerned I don't want children ever so maybe its a good thing but it really sucks that I have never blown a load in, on or near a woman I had an ex girl friend who said I was probably gay and not really into women so it was anxiety I think however she was just trying to be cruel because she could not make me cum, me and my wife have never talked about it and I honestly think she has just not noticed or simply does not care as long as I am pleasing her, we have talked about kids though and she wants a lot of them, whereas I don't want any, I don't know how to bring it up to her without hurting her feelings as she believes she is really good at sex and thinks she can get me off whenever I really don't know how she has not noticed for this long but I feel I may end up simply hurting her and my marriage if I say anything however. I really want to have good sex and be able to finish and I do love my wife but I have noticed that our sex life is beginning to wane and mostly on my part I find more and more I make up excuses to not be intimate but it really seems one sided I do all the work she comes and I get nothing what is the point other than I love my wife and want her to be happy but isn't mutual happiness and satisfaction just as important?

Maybe you guys are rushing the sex, Take you time and do a little four play. Have some oral sex then go for the explosive sex . For some men as myself it has to be exciting for us to cum. Hope this helps some.

I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time and he didnt cum! is it me?? I thinking its me, I didnt cum!!
I could tell he was upset.

I've had this problem every once in a while. its generally been for one of the following reasons. sometimes, I felt I was cumming too early. I would adjust pressure/speed and the feeling would pass, but then I wouldn't cum the rest of the encounter. other times, it is because of a masturbation habit where your masturbation technique feels nothing even close to an actual vagina/mouth/anus so I would get close but not finish. and as you get older (this even happens in your late 20's, its not a 40+ thing), penile bloodflow decreases. this is a precursor to erectile dysfunction. my doctor explained to me that as bloodflow decreases, one of the first things to go is sensitivity. she said that even though you may have no trouble maintaining an erection, the reduced bloodflow can cause a lessened sensitivity requiring more intense stimulation to reach orgasm.
recommendations: learn to control your ejaculation so you don't have to worry about being premature (do your PC exercises!). if you are going to masturbate frequently, do so in a manner that better simulates a female orifice and reduce your self-stimulation. get your penis used to less sensation. and if the problem is blood flow, your doctor can prescribe viagra/cialis/etc. you probably only need the low dose (25 mg). if your insurance doesn't cover it, you can get the generic for a lot less if shop around to a reputable online pharmacy.

hunny..he is DEFINITELY cheatinq..because if yhu don't see him cum..it's because he's already cumminq with someone else..when men don't have sex for 5 days (yhu said yhu only see each other on tha weekends) yhu can definitely tell when they cum..yhu can see it..but also he probably beats his meat a lot..but hey I'm only sayinq

I have to agree with some of the others; too much porn and too much masterbation. Everytime I come home early from work my boyfriend has his pants off and a video on. It NEVER fails! Then when I want sex he normally always tells me no and if we do he never cums with me. He always has an excuse for it. I'm tired of it.

I feel that most of you are too young to understand some of the difficulty here. Many if not most men don't cum the first several times they have sex because they are nervous, but also because their bodies are adjusting to this new sensation. It requires being comfortable and unpressured by one's partner. If after months of sex, he still can't cum, there are probably intimacy issues, or he's not mature enough to be having sex (trusting his partner with his sexual release)--it's not a function of age some men take many decades to reach that level of maturity.

WOw I have the same problem. But my boyfriend ha came with me 3 time and for two month sex everday twice a day if not more. I felt a if it was me. He reassured me always had this problem. He says it feels good and avadently it doe when half the time hes grabbing me and starting sex. I sometimes think its cause he afraid of getting me pregnant. We both agreed we dont want kids right now we want to be married for a couple years before we have kids. We are inlove. sex is amazing I just feel bad when I have an orgasum more then he does.