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What's your opinion on my poem?

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ok here's another one of my poems, I don't know this one isn't as powerful as the one before,but that's just me but I still like it

what's your opinion on it, all opinions are welcome even those brutal nasty ones but be honest please

-vinnie

You take away all the pain Watching every moment as you go insane, Sudden tears of darkness swiftly fall Within all the ruptured voices, all echoes call,

“Take my compassion in fear And let it go into night time shear”, “Then presume the glory of my hands of fate, We look for moon light, but it’s too late”.

Now show me your sparkle of misery life Dripping in crimson fluid, we share the knife, Illuminating glows draw a poisonous glance Into millions of butterflies, burning in dance,

Pain slowly trickles down my fictitious heart Consuming every drop as life falls apart, Tonight we sing for unholy eyes Make sure to listen for the sound that dies,

Moving forward using all my love Sinking to heaven, gazing above, Our devotion, now six feet under I hear what’s inside, the crashing of thunder,

You’ve taken the pain and all that is white It makes you glow, it makes you bright, Even in all evil essence, dark needs to shine Please save the drowning entity, it’s all mine,

You took away all the pain, Now watch me go instantly insane.

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