What do you think of this poem I wrote?

This poem is not about me. I like to write about things teenagers can relate to.
This poem is about a child, watching their mother get beaten by their father.
Take some time and tell me what you think!
<3

Though you don’t know im watching
I am feeling all your pain
Hoping you wont notice and
I wont have to explain.
Every hit you take from him
I swear I feel it all
It hurts enough to witness
Even more to watch you fall.
As tears that hide inside of me
Are pouring down my face
Its leaving scars throughout my mind
That no one can erase.
And as I lay here watching
Only one things on my mind
Wishing we could run away
And leave this life behind.
Looking at you helplessly
I don’t know what to do
Thinking what would happen
If I told you that I knew.
What’s a kid supposed to do
When daddy’s being violent?
I know its not helping you
By sitting, staring, silent.

Great poem - I sincerely hope it isn't really about something you've experienced...Take care !!

Wow, that was a great poem and the last line was really helped the mood. I liked the 3 s's and it all ties together really well. I assume you mean 'only one thing on my mind' instead of 'only one things on my mind'? Other than that, it was amazing

It was really good one but so sad : (

I love a few of the lines that are in that poem. very good but very sad at the same time...

I thought it was phenominal! It flowed very well, and I liked that it rhymed. I love how you related the mother's physical pain to your emotional pain. I was a bit confused, however, at first when you said, 'and I won't have to explain.' Explain what? Was it the little girl that upset the father and caused him to beat the mother? Other than that, it was really good. You have a talent, so keep it up!

That is a very good poem. You really have a way with poems. I see a poet...yay me I can say 'hey I knew that poet before they were famous!' Seriously it is really good.

I found it boring to be honest.

dont listen to the above it was GREAT!!! it gave me goose bumps!

It was beautiful. You should send it in to a magazine for abused women, or donate it to a program like a battered womens shelter. If there were poems like that around more mothers would leave abusive fathers. What we never realize in that situation is that it affects our children as much as it does us.

yeah,I can relate to that...it was beautiful in a sad type of way...thanks for telling me to check it out

great peom and I love writing peoms and stuff but I don't have the never 2 put them online

That was amazing. I loved it.

iTS A NICE POEM AND IT RELATES TO MOST TEENS. nice and nice. Hopefully you didn't have to experience it because watching a parent getting beat is really painful and leaves a person with emotional problems.