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What do you think about my poem?
Im new at writing poetry so tell me what you think and comment if you can relate:)
Is there anyone out there who feels my pain? If you were ever hurt by a jerk you once dated If you’ve ever been faced with the choice of suicide If you’ve made love with a guy and found out you’re related If you have ever fought for your life but made it through If you are aching, ripping, bleeding inside If you’ve lost somebody close to you And like you feel an empty shell with him gone Please, Please answer my call and tell me that I’m not alone
You need to make the words go together a bit more, and keep it where your just drawn into the words, where when someone reads it they are feeling your pain, maybe something like this. It is just an example. :)
Is there anyone out there who feels my pain? If you were hurt by that jerk day by day If suicide was a choice you coudn’t bare to make If you made love to some, just to realize It was a huge mistake If you ever fought for your life, just to make it through If you hurt from inside out, you may have a clue If you have lost someone very close to you And as if you feel your shell is empty, with him gone Please answer my call and show me, that I am no longer alone
Hope it helps.
well it definitely needs some musical aspect to it, like rhyming, or phrasing. also, try putting these things in more of a coded way, like not just deliberately coming out and saying it like that. otherwise its more of a bunch of sentences than poetry.
thanks :)
maybee, put a little rhythm to make it more enjoyable x
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