What are some dirty or funny jokes?

What are some dirty jokes or funney that you people know jw??

Patrick O'Malley hoisted his beer and said: 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!' - and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.

In bed later that night, he told his wife: 'Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.' She said, 'Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?'

So he told her: 'Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.'

'Oh,' she said, 'that is very nice, dear.'

The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy's drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: 'Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?'

She replied: 'Aye - and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he's only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come'.

It's one my irish friends sent me, it's not that funny but it made me smile

x

A man went to a dentist one day for a regular check up. The dentist decided that one tooth was in such bad condition that it should be extracted. The dentist advised the man of the situation who agreed to the procedure.
When the dentist went to give the man an injection the man said 'don't worry, I don't need an injection'. The dentist went on to explain that the procedure could be very painful however the patient insisted that he would be OK without a needle. The patient went on to explain that he had two experiences in recent times that had made him immune to pain so the dentist went ahead and extracted the tooth. To the dentist's amazement the guy didn't even wince.
The dentist, quite astonished remarked ' that was amazing, the two recent experiences you say you had that made you immune to pain must have been something special, would you care to tell me about them'.
The man said 'sure, one day I was out hunting and suddenly had an overwhelming urge to evacuate my bowels. I ducked behind a bush and squatted down and my scrotum landed squarely on the trigger of a rabbit trap and CRUNCH!!'. The dentist exclaimed 'oh my god, that must have been excruciating but what was the second experience'. The man replied 'when I ran out of chain'

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says
'whats wrong?' because the man had a troubled look on his face
the guy says, 'I need to stop drinking, last night I got so drunk I blew chunks'
the bartender says, 'well thats normal'
and the guy responds, 'no, chunks is my dog,'

lol I think its pretty funny

Heres a joke I read in a book...
Q. What do you get if you had a green ball in your left hand and a greeb ball in your right hand?
A. Kermits undivided attention

It's meant to be green, not greeb.

whats the difference between kinky and perverted?
kinky you use a feather
perverted you use the whole chicken

thx everyone thats all dirty and funney lol