True love tainted by circumstances

Years ago, I met a man. We were both in the Army overseas. We became very close friends, absolutely platonic friends, for almost a year. He was dating someone, and I was dating someone. We never really thought twice about more than friends during that...

time. We clicked though, a chemistry that we always commented was amazing and unexplainable. Toward the end of that first year, we both found ourselves partnerless. We looked at each other with the realization, that somewhere within that year, there had grown something more, and we never even noticed... Because we had been strictly friends for so long I was a little hesitant at moving forward... but only briefly. My hesitation scared this man, and he turned and ran... right back to his ex-girlfriend. I tried to explain myself, and that I had just been a little spooked, but realized I loved him. He acted weirdly, and said it was now too late, that he had done some things he couldn't reverse. But he never explained. The summer came and he left the overseas duty without saying goodbye. It was at this time that his friends told me he very quickly got engaged to his ex-girlfriend. I couldn't breathe. I cried for weeks. This was all just the beginning of a difficult roller coaster. I ended up at the same U.S. post as he and his new fiance. He apologized to me, and the chemistry was all still very powerful between us. I still could not get over the hurt. He confessed to me just about a week before he was to be married, that he didn't want to marry this other woman, that he loved me. I wanted his actions to be pure if he was going to be with me, so I felt I should be unbiased, I told him that it sounded like he shouldn't be marrying anyone at all if he was this confused. He did marry her anyway.

We still spoke, it still hurt. Less than a year into his new marriage, he confessed to me again, My God, I've made such a mistake. I'm in love with you, not my wife. What have I done? He told me he married her because she was a nice girl and he knew he'd have security relationship-wise, and that he had never given us a chance because of that day I hesitated... it scared him. He said he told his wife he was still in love with me... then he told me he told her... at the time, I didn't know what to do. I had morals then, and all I found myself doing was telling him he should work it out, and don't throw me in her face. I felt it was the right thing for me to do and say. But I loved him so much too, and it hurt to say. I wanted to say come back to me - by this time I had realized we felt no less than we ever had. It was stifling how strong the feelings were, always were, and still were. He was my best friend, my love, my everything. But both wanting to do the right thing, we let it go - yet again.

There were many fleeting moments that I won't bore you with, where we encountered each other and left in tears or a lump in our throats because we felt so much pain that we loved each other so much and could do nothing about it. I've never felt pain like this before.

Fast-forward to today, about 6 years later. Both back on US turf, he now has 2 sons (2 1/2 years and 1 yr old) and is still with his same wife. A day came along where we saw each other and the pain still was awful. He told me how over the years he had hoped it would stop hurting (I felt the same). He told me he really felt he missed the boat with me (me too). He felt like his wife was a good person, a good mother, but he just didn't love her that way. He loved her as his children's mother, but not like a partner. He said he'd made such a mess of everyone's lives and that he just pretended to be what he though he was expected to be. So then, after 6 years of this going on, we began talking the what-ifs. Could we change things now? How do you tell someone after 6 years of marriage that you made a mistake?

We inevitably, 6 years later, began an affair. We both felt it was wrong, and each and every time we got together we said just that. But we were also angry and sad about being apart. We didn't want to be an affair - but there were all the usual problems with any affair scenario... not wanting to hurt anyone, the kids, what will people say. Stupidly, we went into the affair - and continued to talk about how we'd eventually work out the steps to end up FINALLY together fully... we'd do this until...

I gave you all the background, because I want to be sure it is understood, that this is not two people who met and needed to get it on with each other. This is not two people who met post-marriage. It does not justify getting together before ending the existing marriage, and the reason it happened was because the end of that marriage was not clearly in sight, maybe never in site for the sake of the kids.

Then one day recently, the wife broke into his email account, and found an email from myself to this him. It contained a lot of information about my feelings and things that were going on between us. She replied to me and to him by email. It's now a painful mess. He hasn't even spoken to me since that email, other than to ask me not to reply to her. I feel rotten for many reasons. I feel like we tainted what we had. I feel the dirtiness of dishonesty. I wonder if his feelings for me were real now that he isn't speaking to me. I worry about his life with his kids being shattered with a Mother who hates him (he loves them). The list is endless.

None of this should have happened until they were divorced (if they divorced), no matter how bad it hurt not to be together. I hope to hear from him, but I fully expect a condition of them staying together in which he can no longer be in contact with me. I've lost my soul mate and my friend to guilt and dishonesty.

Anyone that can respond, good or bad, I'd like to hear it.

Okay i don't know how much help i can be, but i know a little about things like that. My dad cheated on my mom when i was young, but i never hated him for it or the woman he was with. But what i couldn't stand about him was how he treated my mom like she was a horrible person, I know that the guy you love wouldn't do that to his wife, from what i see he is a really good guy that found himself in a sucky situation. It's hard when you love someone and you know you will never be with them. You feel torn to pieces and find your asking yourself why am i going through this. You never really know how to make the pain go away and the more you think about the more you feel like your digging a hole even deeper than what you began with. You try your hardest to move and forget but never can fully do so. The little things in life remind you of that person. There is a story of a woman that went through some very difficult things, she tried desperatly to move on and live a normal life. She never could do so till she found a book. This bood changed her life and helped her to not feel guilty and feel at ease about the memories that were causing her so much pain. This book is called His Robe or Mine You can get it for free. I don't know if you would like to read it and see if it helps but maybe it's worth a try. If you would like to read this book email me Fun mail me
Hope things work out for you

I sort of know how you feel. The man who I was in love with all the way through high school and also several years after got his girlfriend pregnant and married her soon after he graduated from high school. We had known each other since the seventh grade,and I actually didn't even like him as a friend at first. But he grew on me, and we were always flirting back and forth, although we never got to go out together because he always had a girlfriend. We were really good friends, and we also had deep feelings for each other. I even wrote him love letters to tell him how I felt. I always felt like this would be the man I'd marry someday. I was heartbroken to learn that he had decided to marry his pregnant girlfriend. We didn't really see each other for a few years after he got married, but when we finally did the sparks were still there, and he confessed to me that he really wished he would've given us a chance. We embraced each other in the longest hug I've ever experienced and it meant so much. He is unhappy in his marriage. There have been a couple times when it has been so hard not to start an affair with each other: it's so hard not to give into the temptation. Now he has two children with his wife, and we talk on the phone from time to time, and I believe we will always have a place in each other's hearts, but I think we both know that we will never be together as a couple. Since I have found another man who I'm totally head over heals in love with, and I'm finally getting over my lost love now that I'm 27 years old. Anyways, I guess I'd just like you to know that you're not the only one who's going through a situation like this. Please feel free to fun mail me.

I think this man is deceitful. and your in love with him. i totally feel your pain. what happened? please tell me if he contacted you again. I'm pretty sure he did. sometimes love is crazy.