Are we too young to be married?

Hello, Im 20 years old and I have been with my husband for 3 years and we have been married for 13 months. We have a 16 month old son. Ever since he started the Volentuer Fire Department for our city he has changed as a person. He had to go thur a 4 month class to run fire calls for the department. Well there was only 3 people from his station that were going thur the class and there was a girl names Ashley doing it as well she is my husbands age and also has a baby and shes single...well he started talking to her behind my back and treating me like crap! yelling and screaming and making me think im worth nothing I would cry myself to sleep. then I moved out to my moms house and then I found out he was hanging out with her and so on..then I moved back into our apartment and I found her shirt in the closet! and I freaked out and he said she just came in the apartment to change because they were going out somewhere. and I moved out again and I moved back in about 2 months ago and were trying to make it work out, but shes still at his station so he sees her everyday and that scares me soo much! for the last 3 weeks hes been doing great showing me he cares about me and wants this to work. but last night we got into a huge fight and he went to eat with everyone from the fire department and she was there.. and now I asked him were back to the way ti was before and he said I guess so. hes an as*h*le to me now again like before...and I dont know what to do with myself...how do I stick up for myself. besides showing him im crying and sad! all I ever do it try to fix the problem and think I did something wrong but I didnt. and also he doesnt want to take our baby anywhere if I want to go out with my friends he wont take the baby! HELP ME PLEASE!!!!! thanks so much!

This is the problem with rushing into marraige by age 21. Failure to communicate effectively because of lack of experience and maturity, resentment at being tied down too young, cheating, career changes that one might not be willing to support of the other.

You have to be established in this world and have been around the block a few times to appreiciate what a gift marraige and family is.

How you stick up for yourself, is you go to your husband and tell him that two things need to happen for this marraige to continue. One, he needs to transfer firehouses. A new city, a new state, it doesn't matter. He needs to show you this marraige is a priority. It may take time for him to do it, but it's not impossible and don't let him make you feel that it is impossible. If anything, he can talk to his fire chief and make sure that he and Ashley are not on the same shifts together anymore until he can transfer out permanently. Two, marraige counseling. He has to do that period. If he doesn't do both of these things, immediately, then you know what matters to him more.

And for the love of God, start giving advice to these young girls around there that think they just got to got to got to marry and have a baby at age 19. it's not so romantic and special anymore once you are about two years into raising a baby together and he's cheating, is it?

Sorry your husband's a tool. The best thing you can do is work together, go to counseling, and take it one day at a time. Cheating is a lifelong affliction of pain from one spouse to another. But it is ultimately forgivable. Be a good wife and mother, work together on this, but don't be a fool and let him lie to you anymore. And DON'T make another baby with him, no matter what happens! If he goes is unwilling to take steps to mend what he has broken then take the baby, move out of the house, file for divorce and full custody WITH child support and tell your parents you screwed up and want to move back in with them. Then raise your child.

Eith er he gets into marrage counceling or you get a lawyer. He is the only one who can change him. Your tears and nagging will only make the other womans pampering feel better. He will put the blame on you so he doesn't feel so guilty. Guilty is what he is. It will take him a long time to build trust back into your relationship. And that only he gets help. Have you tried to talk with the gal? She may feel differently if you appeal to her to leave him alone. That doesn't mean that he will change but you may have an allie in her and not realize it. All woman firefighters arn't husband stealing, home recking sluts. Give her a try. Things arn't working the way they are. Good Luck Gino

no that's not too young to me,love is love,

Maybe it's because you're too young, but maybe there are a LOT of reasons as to why you're in the situation you're in. Whether it's because you're too young, or whether it's because your husband is a jerk- your marriage is not working. It sounds as though he is unwilling to completely commit to saving this marriage with you, and with a small child you need to be in a place that you can be taken care of! You need to be able to focus on raising your child, not on where your husband is when he's out with friends or whether he'll cheat on you if you leave him alone with this girl. You need to get out of this marriage and separate yourself from him. If the two of you can find a way to work it out in the future, that's great- but I think right now you need to move out and stay out. Take care of your baby and realize that you deserve way better than what you've been getting from your husband.

Sounds like he likes having two women fight over him. If you take yourself out of the equation he will want you more. He likes having a choice. I don't think he would choose her over you because of your history, but you are making it easy for him to like her because of all of your crying. Get a life of your own, and he'll be all over you.