Should I have an affair?

I am 37 years old, and have been married for 11 years. My husband works a lot and he is also about 10 years older than I am. I am a very sexy and sensual woman. But our sex life is not that great. My husband and I have talked about it many times. He tells me things are going to change, but they never do. I do not want to keep on pushing him into doing something or being someone that he is not. He is a great guy, we have the same likeings, and have a lot of fun together, we have lots of friends, and a very fun social life, we have invested our lives into this relashionship, we are both professional people and would be financialy stable if we were to get a divorce. But it's not what either one of us want.
I met this man who is pretty much in the same situation as I am. We have talked about having and affair, but still keep our lives as is. I think he is strong enough not to fall in love or want something more, but I am afraid of my feelings. I really want the affair to happen, but am really afraid.
Any comments?

You have communicated to your husband that you are not satisfied with your sex life time and time again. You say you and your husband do not want a divorce, but I didn't see anywhere where you said you loved your husband. You have the same interests, you are professional people, you have a lot of fun, where is the love? You may be a very sexual person but affairs are not about sex alone. They happen when something vital is missing from a relationship. There are a lot of ways couple show they love one another and sex is another expression of love in a private setting where two people show each other how much they care. It helps keep the connection between a couple strong. Sex is important, but it is not the only thing. There is so much unspoken communication that takes place during sexual intercourse between a couple. If you are considering this affair, please re-evaluate what it is that you are missing from your current relationship. You would be damaging a rocky marriage. You should not start a relationship while you are involved with someone else. Be honest with yourself and your husband. Don't make a mistake. You say you do not want to divorce, yet you are ready to lay in the bed with another man. I believe you are not committed to your husband as much as you think you are. If you wait to begin a relationship until you have ended this one, you will feel much better about yourself and people around you will respect you more for your decision. Men are physically attracted to women by appearance, but when they discover you have had an affair, they never picture you as their wife. They could never be certain you would not do the same to them. Have some self-respect. You deserve to be happy and to have your needs met and your husband deserves complete honesty and your respect after all you both have invested in this marriage.

Dear notsureyet,
It is wise never to begin a relationship before ending one. There is never a good time to have an affair. I can only assume you and the other guy do not wish to leave your current situations because of money. We know that staying in a relationship for children is counter productive and creates more problems and is not recommended. Marriage counselling can be very benifical in a situation like yours. You are very right to be afraid of your feelings for the other man once you start the affair. It is all but impossible to have a relationship that includes sex without involving emotions, commitments and yes eventually maybe love. Trust your own gut feelings that this is wrong and talk with a professional before you make a mistake that you cannot correct.
Sue...good luck

hey, well first off, no I dont think you should have an affair! Trust me, Its not worth all the upset it causes in the long run just for a spot of sex, - and I know that may seem hard to believe but its true!
if I were you I would get you and your partener on a sex holiday, or when he comes home from work really make an effort with yourself, and I dont just mean a bit of lippy, I mean go out get yourself some gorgeous lingerie and a new hairdo and suprise him!
Trust me, If he walks in through the door to find you looking all sexy with some gorgeous stuff on he wont be able to keep his hands off you!
I dont think what you need in your sex life is another person, I just think you should try some new and different things with your husband. For example...whats your fetish and how can you indulge in it??
try some new posittions and new forms of role play. Just give it a go, and I dont think he could possibly say no!
xxx klo

Go to www.marriagebuilders...

Sounds to me like you've already made your mind up. Dont do it. If you love your husband you should talk to him about making sparks happen rather than catch divorce papers from getting caught cheating.
Their are sex therapists and meds that help improve labido. Please exhaust all your options before making any rash decisions.

I say you shouldnt ask that if you know were going 2 say no!! does he have a prob with sex like he cant last long 0r has a small...you know??? all that can be fixed!! thee is such a thangas sex therapy!! or if that does not work out you could ask your husband if he would like 2 have a threeway!! all of what im saying is helpful right im saving your relationship!! =)..have a terrific day!!

PLEASE READ! I believe my previous post accidently cut short. Like I was saying, I cheated on my husband and I can tell you, IT'S NOT WORTH IT. Where is our restraint? and when did we begin believing that it was up to our spouse to make our life exciting? This is a partnership that is fueled by love, admiration and respect for each other. Do you remember when you and your husband were first dating? Remember the lust, attraction, excitement. It would be only natural that those superficial emotions would eventually fade away and be replaced with something stronger and more enriching. In every marriage, the lust subsides. Why would you disrespect your husband, disrespect your children and yourself for the sake of recapturing something that you and your husband once had? I contemplated this for months and did research and read forums warning me of how STUPID it is to have an affair. The result? I did it anyway. I can begin to tell you how painful it is for me to look in my adoring husband's eyes and tell him he's the only man that captures my heart, my mind and my body. I told him about the affair shortly after it occured. Ladies, did we expect marriage to be an unwithering circle of hot steamy sex and roses? What the hell? I don't know how I fell for such a lie. Marriage is powerful. You dedicate yourselves to each other to help each one become a better version of themselves. You create a new generation and partner up together in raising helpful, decent citizens and human beings. What power that is! The problem is that we have this fake, superficial idea of what is supposed to make us feel ALIVE. HOT sex in the car, feeling DESIRED by some man other than YOUR man. Thanks to television and in my opinion (Satan), we are fed lies in order to bring us to the edge and destroy what is the very foundation of this country: strong marriages and strong families. And we are led believe that we're not hurting anyone...it's something we NEED to do for ourselves. If you respect your husband, your marriage, your kids and yourself, you will GET UP and get the HELP you need. I wish I would've done that instead of being afraid to ask for help. I fell into the monsters pit and there's not ONE day that goes by that I don't regret it. I don't have the perfect husband, and I am not the perfect wife. But we TALK a lot now and we've identified each others needs. Mine are the need for affection and sexual fullfillment, conversation, recreational companionship. His are the need to feel admired and respected by me. Every person has needs that their spouse is ABLE to fullfill for them. It begins with communicating those needs DIRECTLY and making a COMMITMENT to fullfill them for your spouse. That's how you know you love them. If you are willing and working towards meeting your spouses needs, even when it requires some sacrifice on your part. The lust and the need to feel DESIRED? Give me a break. The affair will bring you that for a short while. INFATUATION IS SHORT! Don't you know this already? Remember the dating days with hubby? It is bound to wear off and will either be replaced with true love and commitment or a tiring of the person. Before you know it, you will be running off to find the next affair and hurting everyone you love. Rekindling the fire with your spouse is possible, but it takes commitment. There's nothing sexier than having sex with the person you will grow old with. Every time is a renewal of your vows and a renewal of your commitment to build a strong family. Get creative and get professional help. If you're still not willing, then it's not possible that you love your husband...it just isn't. In that case, a separation is best for you, for him, and yes, for your children. ANYONE READING THIS, please don't make the mistake I did, and if you're in an affair already, CONFESS to your husband, and both of you GO get good counseling. Marriage today is under attack. Either you can stand strong and save yours or you can listen to foolishness and regret. I wish I made the right choice. I guess I feel like maybe if I write this, I can help some women make the right choice and it will help me heal. Please, if you can do anything after this, separate lies from truth in your mind. Look at your wedding pictures and remember the days of infatuation with your love. Fortunately, those days have become a beautiful marriage with limitless potential and not just 'another fling.' Here is a website that has been extremely helpful in dealing with affairs and their affects as well as helping you understand your marriage and your spouse so that you can AVOID an affair. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html
They deal with EVERYTHING regarding affairs, including emotional needs (which seems to be why most women are having affairs), sexual desire with your spouse, ending affairs, etc. READ all you can! There are tons of articles about this, and I believe it's the first step, then you should go get a counseler/coach to hold you accountable and help you both save your marriage.
Best Wishes to all of you.
.

put yourslef in his shoes would you want him to have an affair? Try spicing things up a bit try new things help him understand how you feel Dont just have the affair!!! It's just wrong if your that unhappy get counceling try an d save what you have don't go looking somewhere else because different men have different problems the grass may look greener on the other side but you might have the better soil. just look deeper

No- don't do it unless you really want to lose your husband and everything you've built together for the last 11 years. The danger and excitement of having an affair sounds enticing but after the fun wears off you will be left with nothing more than a shattered marriage and even lower self-esteem. You and your husband can work through this, just put the same effort in that you used to when the two of you were first getting to know each other.

I know that you are getting a similar type of response from everyone. Mine is different.

I am in the exact situation as you.

If you (like me) has already addressed this situation with your husband...then maybe you should put your own needs first. It's not fair to have only 60% of what everyone else has in a marraige. It's not fair to be celebate at such a young age. I am sure your husband gave you no indication before marraige that he would not want to have sex 10 years into the marraige. You need to feel pretty. You need to have sex.

Just be discreet. Do the best to minimize expecations from your new partner. Keep the affair short.