Step daughter hates me

I have been a wonderful relationship for just over 2 years. things are going swimmingly EXCEPT his 9 year old daughter does not like me. She tolerates me pretty well. but anytime I tell her no she screams she hates me and hits and bites and was the other...

day screaming in the middle of the street with one shoe on curled up cause her hair isn't long enough to put in a pony tail.. shes the one who got the haircut .. she chose the length.. her bahaivor is better when her father is around. but she will always scream your not my mom .. life was better before you ect. She has no realtionship with her real mom. she hasn't seen her in over 1 1/2 years we still have her christmas preasents wrapped.. her mom will not call us but when she was at her grandmothers her mom did call 2 times. (sub question) should we even allow her to talk to her mom anymore? we are always if not friendly than civil, she is not allowed to take her off teh property but there visits are as unsupervised as they can be in our home.. I just want her to understand that I want the same for her as my own 2 kids - 1 full time like her, and a daughter her age on the weekends - the rules are the same but my stepdaughter gets less freedoms because of her behavior-ADD by the way on top of it all. I just want to help her I want her to accept me and let her know I want the same for her as I do my own to kids.. just for honesty sake I dont care for her as much as I do my own kids .. do I pretend aka fake it till I make it ... it has coused a lot of stress in my otherwise blissful relationship

Wooah By The Sound Of That Things Aint Well.
All I can suggest is to sit her down or take her out on her own
and speak to her about her real mum tel her that you love her same as you love your own kids theres no favortism just sit her down or take her out and speak to her get her attention on you! Shes throwin hissy fits oh your not my real mum you cant tell me what to do blabla.. you should just say I may not be your real mum but atleast im closest thing to a mum you have do you see your mum around just make her think about it.
good luck

well maybe you need to give her time
my mum has re-married to an awful person who I dislike because of the way he treats my mother
it seems like you love your husband tho and truly want your step daughter to accept u
all I can say is go at her pace, and try to arrange something to do with her that she enjoys doing.
a little, getting to know each other time
maybe when she sees your doing something with her that interests her
she will start to like you and just keep in mind, that she would probably much rather have her biological mother and father as the people she is living with so it can be a real family
dont mind that and keep persisting, she may respect you for the fact that you keep on trying
and try not to lose your temper at her
and yeah I really wish you the best
good luck

Well First Of All She Is Nine Years Old Once She Gets Older Things Should Get Better Once She Understands That Her Real Mom Is Not Around She Will Except You. And The Whole Thing About Letting Her Talk To Her Mom Is She Needs A Mother Figure And If She Does Not Want You Then Let Her Realize On Her Own That Her Real Mother Is Not Around And She Should Warm Up To You Eventually