*sigh* ok I give... for the adults on the board

Hmmm where to start on all of this. I got married to my husband after not knowing each other for very long. Now running off and getting married because I'm in love is certainly something I may do, but he's much more prone to active thought and married me because he loved me. He wouldn't have "run off" and married me if he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me. Now currently he's staying at his mothers house. Together we have 7 kids, and we're having some problems with them getting along. Granted we should have done things a little differently for them, they still do miss each other on the weekend they're not around. My husband and his ex wife share joint custody, both physical and legal. She recently took him to court for child support, and instead of the 600 a month cash she's been receiving the state awared her 661, which she won't see all of because of processing fees. She was out to get him and it didn't go the way she wanted. She's curently engaged to the man she left him for, and they're planning an early March wedding.... ok I think that covers the basics. So he's moved home for the time being. We aren't planning on a divorce or an anullment, and I had the divorce papers and offered it to him, and they were ripped up and I was told he loved me, and a divorce and to be away from me are NOT what he wanted.. His ex wife is currently in a state where she wants o make his life miserable. She called me on the phone while she was screaming with him (at his job no less) telling me how they'd been sleeping together, and she felt I had a right to know (which I in no way believe). She then told him 2 days later he was not allowed to see his kids that weekend, she told the kids "Daddy doesn't want to see you", she threatened to get a restraining order, FOR the kids, against ME, and she's threatening to press charges on me claiming I hit her kids. I would never hit her kids, ever ! The one time I had all of them alone and I had a problem with 2 of her children I called HER to ask her what she wanted me to do, but she never answered her phone (she's never answered ever when I've called) so I called my husband and he spoke ot the kids, and I simply had them clean up the mess and everything was fine. Now her threats seem to be idle, and nothings come of it yet, she's currently not speaking to him it seems, which is just as well but HAS promised to let him have his kids this coming weekend... as long as I don't see them, or have any involvement with them. She has no basis for her claims against me, however she MAY have a leg to stand on being as the state of Maryland is accusing me of child neglect and is taking me to court. The good news is I am not guilty of child neglect and the charges are unfounded, I have been working with a CPS caseworker since April and CPS has assured both my husband and I, AND my ex husband that they don't believe I am unfit, neglectful and are not going to be taking my children away from me, and they want to help me in any way that they can. So based upon all of this MY ex husband has decided that he's going to take ME to court when he comes home from Iraq next year (he deploys in october) and fight for full custody of OUR kids and take them from me.

My husband beleives he can work things out with his ex without having to get a lawyer, or a mediator or going to court. for his sake I hope so. There's nothing I can currently do about my ex husband unless he actually decided to try and take me to court... however, does anyone have ANY suggestions on anything that we can do in the meantime.

I quit my job to stay at home with my kids while all this court business was goingon, I have followed my safety plan and gone above and beyond, my CPS caseworker is writing a letter on my behalf for my lawyer to take with us to court, and I had been told by my ex that he supported me and I had asked him to write a letter as well.. this is when everything came out that he wanted to take me to court, so there was no way he'd be writing a letter on my behalf stating he doesn't believe his kids are in danger.

Also I got a DUI at the beginning of the month, my children were NOT in the car, they were at home with my (sober) husband. I was going to pick a friend up in a worse situation and granted I should have sent my husband, well we all make mistakes. I NEVER would have put my kids in the car, and if my husband hadn't been home I simply never would have left. I have since stopped dtinking totally and never was a big drinker, but I would do it on occasion.My ex husband used to be a drinker every night, for months at a time, but has since cleaned up his act (again this was since I have been divorced form him, and the kids weren't around). He never got any DUI charge (by some miracle) and I can't prove he's drinking, or not, anymore then he can.

As you can see this is a whole lot of nothing going on, but it all seems to be falling apart. The good news is that I do have my kids, he should be allowed to see his, my children are being signed up for an after school program, and girl scouts. My son is going to the doctor on Friday so HE can be put in a school program (standerd procedure), CPS is on my side, after I go to xcourt I'm getting a new job so I'll be home the same time my children are and I'll be working days (I previously worked nights).... things seem to be starting to work out for me on the way things are going. I guess we'll see what the court has to say, because it seems a lot of htings hinge on that. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have none at all I suppose... but any advice or suggestions would be much appreciated. I have a year as far as my ex is concerned, and I can have everything straightened out by then, but in the meantime...

All the varies issues have been grouped together in one huge mess. This can be overwhelming for anyone. The first thing to do is to cut the problem in half by determing what you can control and what you can't control. You cannot control other people's behavior. Take the emotion out of the situation as much as possible. It doesn't help to list all the nutty things the other woman does. It is far more important as to what you do. Since it is already in the court system you may not like some of the solutions that are imposed on you. That is one of the things you cannot control and that is also one of the things that you have to let go. Pretend that you are starting from scratch. Think back and analyze what you would have done differently in your life if you could go back and change things. Use that as your guide for the future. Stay true to your plan, put on a brave face for the kids and after time your current situation will just be a bad memory. Will it be easy, no. Will it be worth it, what do you think.

It sounds like you are trying to put your life back togeather and hopefully that will be a good example for your children. My best advice is to encourage everyone involved to be civil to each other especially in front of the kids and to try and show them that everyone can get along.

I agree with mr_smedheader that you need to get some help. This will show that you are trying to create the best atmosphere for the children should the courts intervene and try to take anybody from anybody. It sounds like more work than I have ever attempted and you are here on this site helping out with answering people. I totally understand the DUI and I think with the stressful circumstances around you it was a smaller problem than it could have been.

Tell your husband to look into a lawyer or start covering his own ass. He needs to get either notarized witness statements or an audio recording of any incident that she is creating in a public setting. The court system can seem unfair at times, but a good judge on a good day will listen to that sort of evidence and side with your husband. He needs a lawyer to win ultimately, but he needs to start thinking more about this situation if he is going to tackle it on his own. Get his irresponsible ass out of his parents house and make him be a man. Oh, and I wouldn't believe his ex either about adultery.

As for more drama and splitting with your current husband..... that is something to follow your heart on. If he is worth it and you want to be with him then do as I said above and make him be a man. If he is not...... well, then get your suppport system around you and try not to lose any friends. It could be tough either way, just follow your heart and make sure you listen well first.

Oh and by the way, thank you for all the help you have put in on this site. We need more people like you.

Thanks Guys... She's been fairly drama free for awhile now, but I believe she's still attempting to... trap him into something ? Trying to make him leave me by sort of pretending maybe they could work things out. I'm not entirely sure, but she's moved her wedding date up 3 months and will be getting married in Dec instead of March. I'm hoping things will just settle down and go away with her and she'll be semi normal and civil.

As far as he and I are concerned he says he just needs some time to think about everything and work everything out. I've told him again and again I believe in him and in us and I know it's not easy but it doesn't have to be hard either. I love him and I want my husband back. Maybe we rushed things, but we can't change that. We can either move foreward or we can just call it quits. I asked tonight when we're just supposed to throw in the towel and call it quits and he said "hopefully with us.. never". It seems encouraging, but I still can't seem to understand why he can't make his choices. I can't wait for him forever, but I can give him time. I'm just not very good at it.

I wonder if maybe I should just not call him, not ask him to come by, not go see him and let him make all the moves, but then on the other hand I'm afraid it'll make it look like I've given up.

Anyway thanks guys, and I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Well the day his ex wife called me from his work she called her fiance and told him that my husband wanted a divorce, so I offered to give it to him... told him that if he did want a divorce he didn't have to backdoor me. He knew I'd gone to the courthouse just earlier that day and picked up the divorce papers, because we can't get an anullment. He knew I had them, because I told him that's what they'd given me... I offered him his way out. I suppose I should feel encouraged by the fact he doesn't want an out, but he most certainly isn't proving that he wants to stay with me either.

Any updates on this??

Need more information. But, you should show it to a local lawyer. Most will answer one question without charge.

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