How to confront my psychological issues with sex?

It's very difficult for me to ask for this advice, but I need your help. I have seen two therapists...neither of which were able to help me. For the last 10 years, I have had sexual issues with two different boyfriends. They were both great guys - very sweet, supportive, funny, genuine, good looking guys. They both possessed qualities I'd want in a husband. I could have married either one of them. After dating them each for two years, I began to feel DISGUSTED by the thought of having sex with either one of them. The sex was great...explosive in the beginning. Two years later, BAM! I couldn't stand the thought of sex with either one of them. Each relationship was then just sexless for the the remainder of the relationship (one or two years)...like with no physicalities. I ended both relationships. The issue was never resolved, and I couldn't force myself to just change my state of mind and have sex with them...and enjoy it. I was so disgusted I'd have to put a pillow over my head during oral sex. I dated two other guys over the last 10 years that treated me poorly..lots of conflict and fighting. The sex never diminished, but I eventually left them both because of the way I was treated. Both therapists argued that my issue stems from my long term commitment issues...fear of commitment and ending up like my parents. My parents are asian...and my mom is very submissive to my dad. My dad takes her for granted and verbally abuses her. I'm completely the opposite...headstrong and independent. The thing that kills me is that the guy I really wanted to marry told me yesterday that he didn't want to talk to me anymore. He couldn't move on with another woman and have a happy relationship. He's been waiting for me...and has been in my life for the last 9 years. I don't know what it would be like to not have him in my life anymore. I miss him. He was always hoping we'd get back together, and we've been speaking as friends for the last 5 years. I promised him that I'd take care of the issue...and two therapists later...I've totally failed. I was thinking that maybe I just wasn't attracted to him anymore when we broke up...but I realize that I have a big problem. Sex was great...I don't know what to do. Please help me. I want to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship, and I've lost the love of my life...the perfect guy.

Awww you are very sweet and open and I agree your issues are from your past.

But you have to change yourself...you need to give yourself permision to enjoy a LONG relationship and permission for your own happiness. From what im hearing, you are not committing fully to the relationships in fear of not being happy becuse you loved your mom soo much you knew she was not fully happy for the way your dad treated her. So you have to know this...YOUR MOM would want you happy! She does not want you depriving yourself of a happy life just because you felt she wasn't treated right...it not right for you not to treat your boyfriends this way either... thats what you are doing... ending the realtionships so they are not happy either... So stop it! Give yourself permission to be happy because YOU deserve it and so does your future boyfriend...now think about it... and go change your life and become a happy person... because you deserve it!

Good luck...keep us posted!

tell him you love him...call him up now or meet him w/e and tell him how you fill! :{...sex is everything!!

what you have shouldnt be cosidered a problem...I've always been like that YES SEX IS GREAT but it never really came to mind and I always tried to like it but the spark was never there and I love my boyfriend really love my boyfriend but whenever we were half way through I would be literally layin there yawning sayin I got stuff to do you know... he would always be like huh!!! some people even call it a disorder but its not were just not interested right now... you should call up the man you love and tell him about your feelings towards this and if he doesnt want to understand then its not worth it if he get what your saying then try a medicine or something you feel will help...good luck...your not alone

I've been married for 6 years. I loved sex with my husband and 'chased him around the house' now I have the same problem you do. I feel so disgusted about sex even if he grabs my butt I lash out. I've been told to see my OB maybe its hormonal. I'm at a loss as well. I haven't talked to my husband for obvious reasons, he'd feel terrible. My suggestion would be check with your OB, I need to do the same. But I wouldn't stay away from this guy he obviously loves you. I'm sure it will get better for both of us. I know what your going through. I'm sorry.

hey, no one said life was easy! The only thing you should be interested in is making yourself happy. Life sucks and then you get on with it. I have been married twice and am still not sure if I did the right thing. Get on with your life and be strong, the only thing you have to do is be happy. If you meet someone, regardless of their status, you need to be aware of one thing...your own feelings!!!

Look, I amnot a doctor or anything like that, but I can relate. I have been with my wife for a while and I find myself feeling the same way,kind of. You need to get into some sort of 'place'. You are not a thing, you are a person. If you aren't able to approach your husband strait up, then go around it.