Sexual issue in relationship.

I am a 29 year old man, and I have been with someone for 2 years, I am in love, and am suffering from the "sexless relationship" problem.

Here is my problem. Everything in this relationship is perfect, aside from this sexual issue. This woman fills...

my needs and is exactly what I'm looking for in every way. She's my best friend in the world, my closest ally, and literally fits the bill of exactly what I've always looked for in a woman. Even after 2 years, she makes me feel a way that no other woman has, and makes me very happy. My friends love her, my family loves her, and my daughter loves her. She also has three children that I adore, and I really want to make a family with her, and I've never looked at another woman since getting together with her. I have no doubts this is the woman for me, and I could grow old with her.

The problem is, in the beginning, we were having sex "regularly" for lack of a better term. Even the lovemaking was perfect, which is probably due to the amount of feelings I have for this woman. It was "lovemaking" in it's purest form, at least for me, because I felt like it transcended a physical act, and was a very intimate experience.

Then somewhat suddenly, the lovemaking stopped. We went for about 2 months or so, and did it again. Then it was 3 months between. Then 4 months. We've made love 3 times in the last year. So we had a discussion about it.

She explained to me that she had a traumatic sexual experience while young, and that as soon as she feels pressured, and sex becomes an issue, she "ices over" and loses all desire for sex. Apparently at one time I made her feel pressured, and thats what caused her to not want it, and this is a pattern that has happened in all her relationships. There is no way I can "blame her" for this, it isn't her fault. I dont think she's withholding sex just to be malicious towards me, I think her traumatic experience is the cause of this, coupled with my mistake of making her feel pressured.

She also mentioned her true feelings on sex. She mentioned that she would be truly happy if she never had sex again for the rest of her life, and that she really does not enjoy it in any way, but figured I'd leave if she didn't do it. She said she was ok with making love to me until it became an issue, then she was turned cold.

Now I am at a point where I wouldnt want sex if she did anyway, because of these new insecurities I have. I will now feel as if she doesn't enjoy it, and I certainly am not going to want to have sex if she's doing it just for my benefit.

She says she's willing to undergo counseling, but it looks as if we are going to have a sexless relationship. For those will say "move on", you have to realize how difficult that is for me, because I love her so much, and I love her kids, my daughter loves her, and we have a happy family. Even if I were to move on, I'd be constantly comparing every woman to her, and I may spend the rest of my life regretting giving up someone so good over sex, which is not even a first priority for me. If a "soulmate" really exists, this person is.it.

My question is, can this sexless relationship survive? Am I completely crazy?

I am at a point now where if I can find a medication to lower my sex drive, I'd do it, just to have her. She means that much to me. But we need a solution. Cheating is out of the question, and will not even be considered.

We are both at a point right now where we want to find a solution, but we are both sceptical about a sexless relationship succeeding. Will it work? What should we do?

Ok, I understand you not wanting to leave. Fair enough. It sounds like you are in a tough situation. But you and her both need to realise sex is an important part of a relationship along with everything else, im sorry to hear about her bad sexual experiences, that is sure to traumatize her. But the fact that you had great sex at the beginning is odd becos why was it so perfect then? obviosuly she enjoyed it. Its great that she says she is willing to go to counselling which im afraid is your only option if you want to make this work, the fact that she is willing to try this for you means she really cares for you. Go to counselling with her, she needs some therapy to learn how to let her aweful past go and ambrace sex and an intimate and passionate relation with a man who she nos will never hurt her, rather than something she despizes. Therapy will help her and you support her as well and she will learnt to let go of her fears.
And may I just add, you sound like a wonderful man. Its great to hear that there are some guys out there willing to stick by their love and support then thru everything that they are going thru without walking out or cheating. You deserve a lot of credit for what you are going thru and staying level headed and sticking by her, she is a lucky lady and I wish you a lot of luck

she needs to get some counseling so she can work through this, and after she goes awhile to the counseling then you should go with her, no cheating isn't the answer, because you will only make matters worse, I am also in a sexless relationship, we have been together only a year and half, sex at first was awesome!!!, then all of a sudden it stops, I have questioned him about it and he says he has always been like this, he says he has a low sex drive, it makes me feel like crap, I am an attractive woman, there's nothing wrong with me, we have had sex 3 times in the last 6months, sexless relationship is not healthy, you need that loving, passion, making love to a person is wonderful if you love that person, it's not about having sex your expressing your feelings in a natural way(of course it feels awesome!!!!)send me an email

well, I think you really have a problem because if tis woman is the woman of your dreams, "your soul mate" then not having sex should not be an issue. making love is an issue for you! don't feel guilty it is only natural. This problem will not go away. Talk about it some more. Go to therapy but above all don't just leave it and hope all will go well! it wont! I wish you luck!

Dont do it. Sex is a big part of a relationship and its very important that you resolve this issue or you will regret it. If this woman loves you as much as you love her she will do her uptmost to sort it out. Maybe she needs to have some councelling to help her overcome her fears and issues where sex is concerned. You sound like a really genuine guy and Im sure you will give her the love and support she will need to get through it. The bottom line though is a sexless marriage will eventually lead to a loveless one and one or both of you will look outside your marriage to fullfill those needs.
Hope this helps...

I have completely forgotten about this question. We split up about 6 months ago. Ironically enough, I caught her cheating with her ex. So I guess it really had less to do with her past, and more to do with she would rather screw her ex than me,(Though she certainly didnt mind letting me paying the bills). I was used and abused, and completely heartbroken. Thanks for the advice though you guys.