Sexual abuse- im only 15

when I was young I was sexually abused by my grandpa. Ever since then (starting as early as 5 years of age) I have had cravings for sex, but once someone touches me I freak out. Its like im in a trance then when I feel someone touch me I snap out of it....

I have blocked out most of it, but I still remember a lot too. whats wrong with me? Do I have something mentally wrong as a result of being abused??

I kind of want to tell someone, because I have held this secret for somewhere around 10 years. But im afraid if I tell someone they will tell authorities or my family. the fact that I was abused bothers me, but he might die soon (hes very old) so why bring it up now after all these years?? and what if someone tells and im made to confront him, but he doesnt remember doing it??

is it right to bring it up now after 10 years??

.My whole family is made up of drug and alcohol abusers. the only people I have left are my mom and sister. They wont support me. My sister will say im stupid and that I brought it on myself, because she saw my grandpa do it once and didnt tell. My mom will yell at me for bringing it up now. She will call me a slut and punish me. They will all blame me.

help??

There's nothing wrong with you, being abused that early will have affected you strongly though and will change your life if it's not undone. It needs to be brought up with someone who can help you, not to punish your grandpa but to help you get over it.

You may have blocked it out a lot so you can't consciously remember it but you learn a lot without realising when you're that young, and your subconscious will remember it and react very strongly when the memories are triggered. Which is part of the trance feeling and the sudden freak outs.

Sexual urges are normal for most people at your age now so don't worry about that anymore. You may have started them earlier but they're not something you have to supress now.

Conditioning like that takes a long time to undo and professional help, I don't know what it's like wherever you are but a lot of places provide free help to victims of abuse to help you recover. There's a good chance that you'll have to reveal who it was who did this to you but you shouldn't feel bad about it, he did terrible things to you which will last for a long time and this isn't about revenge, it's about helping you feel better.

If your family are unsupportive they may not be the best first to tell, maybe approach the police or look for a local organisation online that can put you directly in contact with people who can help you before you tell your family.

It's worth remembering that you're probably not the only person your grandpa abused, your sister and even your mother might have been victims of him too and you might be the first one strong enough to bring it up. If they're ever angry about what you say they could be fighting hard trying to not remember what happened to them too.

Above all you can't pretend it didn't happen forever, it will affect you in ways you won't even know about until you really try to undo it.

Wishing you all the best that you can work things out...

thank you. it helps a lot

but what if he raped me and I cant remember it?

Here's a link to a website that might help put you in contact with more people to help. I'm guessing you're in america 'cause everyone on the internet is.

http://www.rainn.org/

Hope that helps, I don't know how health care works over there but they should be able to guide you through everything. They have a free phoneline too if you need to ask most questions confidentially

You're doing really well dealing with it so far, best wishes to you again and keep it up...

thank you guys so much.

r you going to tell someone though