Sexless relationship, please help

I have been in this relationship with my boyfriend now for 3 years for the first 6 - 9 months the sex was great. After that time the sex pretty much stopped. We have sex about once a month, I'd much rather be having the 3-4 times when we started our...

relationship. The times we do have sex I feel like he's only doing it out of guilt and although he seems satisfied I don't believe he is, as I am not. During sex he typically bottoms, and he has said he'd have sex with more often if I'd bottom, I'm more than willing to bottom but I can't get him in bed at anytime to do so (yes we are a male couple). In the beginning of the relationship he cheated on me. We worked through it, I recently cheated on him as I felt he must still be cheating on me since he wasn't interested in me any more. I told him what I did and we discussed it, everything seemed fine after that and now it's right back to the same habits as before.

I know as relationships progress sex tends to be less frequent, but after less than a year?? and now after only 3 years? He's now a chief surgical resident and I know he works a lot and under a lot of stress. But even on his weekends off he just sits on the computer and plays a video game, which I've recently discussed with him and he just responds if he wasn't playing the game he'd just be watching tv or reading.

I get frustrated and rather easily annoyed and pissed off if after a month we haven't had sex. He's asked me to move out of state with him when he's done with his residency. We've discussed the fact that he doesn't seem to ever want to have sex with me, and each time he says it's him and not me, that he's still attracted to me and he's not sure why he doesn't want sex anymore. I've encouraged him to go to counseling with me or on his own he refuses ofcourse.

That does not stop him however from occasionally looking at porn which doesn't bother me as I look at porn often now to help keep myself under control. I've tried to seduce him I just get rejected which ofcourse makes me feel like crap. I've tried not initiating but then that only seems to lead to zero sex.

I love him but I'm not sure how much more a I can handle and don't know how or where to go from here.

Have you tried different techniques in bed. Try being spontaneous with him in different positions or locations. Maybe you could change it up by having sex in a public place or park. Some people get a rush and thrill from having sex at times or places they're not supposed to be. If this is not an option or hasn't worked try to role play. If you make it fun and different he may view it as fun and different instead of a nightly ritual. If this problem persists then he may need to seek counseling. Although he has refused to go, speak with him and discuss your feelings about the sexless relationship you are having. If he sees that you are generally trying to make the relationship work then maybe he will put forth a little effort as well.

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