Sexless life

when me and my wife of almost 20 years 1 got married we use to have sex when and wherever we wanted she use to let me do things to her and she use to do things to me we would do it 2 times or even 3 a night now im lucky to get it 4-5 times a year this...

has progressively gotten worse and now it seems like she gives it to me just to give it to me she doesnt work I do im the one who should be tired I dont want to cheat but im tired of begging and begging I dont feel I should have toany help would be great

Welcome to married life --- I'm no expert, but I can say you're not the only one with this problem...

Typically though --- in the beginning it's all HOT and heavy because it's all new to both people, and it's fantastic... after a while though, some things in life begin to change.

There's things we're doing now that we didn't do all those years about -- life gets in the way if you want to look at it that way. Then there's work, and kids, and obligations, and by the time you get to the end of the day --- NOT interested.

For men --- we can have all those things going on --- and we're just wired to want it anyways! Woman for the most part are not.

I can say from my own experiences... it seems that in most cases, no amount of rational or irrational talking seems to help. Rational is most effective though as if you take it any other way, it makes things worse and worse --- and I think you can see what happens there --- I call it shut him up sex...

I hope others will add to this --- ESPECIALLY the woman side of this because this is something that a LOT of relationships go thru.

In some cases, it leads to break up, others to cheating, and others to empty relationships just going thru the motions. Not one of them very productive.

Adding on to wbman1000, it's true, life gets in the way after years and years of marriage and things get dull and repetitive.

There's no motivation in your wife to have sex, I suppose she thinks, Why bother?, since it's the same old positions, the same old routine, the same old bed in the same old house, the same old time to have sex, etc.

You see, the things that make sex exciting back in the day (hormones, feeling young and attractive, the newness of sex, the newness of being with you, the places you go to, etc) either have depleted or have totally gone. Hence unfortunately, to reignite those feelings again after all these years will require actual EFFORT.

Your wife may not feel as attractive as she was when she was younger. Some wrinkles, stretch marks and some stubborn weight here and there could all add up for her. This can affect her confidence in herself, which in turn affect you in two ways. She doesn't want you to see her body (no matter how good you think it is) and she doesn't feel good enough about herself to feel sexy (and women who feel sexy are more open to sex with their partners!).

Or maybe she just doesn't get in a sexy mood if she's the only one who takes care of the kids, cooks all the meals, do all the house chores, buy all the groceries, update the house accounts, and everything that a stay-at-home woman does. So don't think that just because you're the only one who goes to work to bring home money, she doesn't get busy and feel tired as well.

Most men are lightswitches when it comes to sex. They can get turned on easily but once they're done, they're switched off and go about their daily business. However for women, think of them as a slow-burn fireplace. It takes a while to get them started, but they're great once you get them going, and their embers continue to burn after sex and takes awhile for their fire to burn out after. This means she'll still be aroused for some time after sex and you can keep her excited about your next encounter in mind by doing some foreplay throughout the day.

And when I say foreplay throughout the day, I don't mean heavy foreplay (though it's cool once she's eventually more open to it). I mean some seductive kissing, telling her how beautiful she is, some light touching, making her breakfast in bed, going for walks with her hand-in-hand, buy her small gifts, taking her out to dinner, telling her what you'd like to do to her later that night, and other romantic things you can think of to stoke her embers. Remember to start out slow first or she might freak out

If you've got some money to spare, you could do lots of little things that could help. If you've got young kids, hire a babysitter or let them have a day with the grandparents so that you could have a day off to spend with your wife. You could buy her a day of pampering at the spa (it helps her start feeling better about her body too). If she's not comfortable doing these things alone, offer to do it with her, it could start the bonding that you two need again. Or you could get a weekend at a nice hotel and go to their spas, have a nice dinner there, maybe go out for a movie in town.

If you've got not-so-much money to spare, volunteer to help out in the house chores (like offering to make dinner a couple of times a week, or washing the dishes straight after dinner, or folding the laundry for her, or tidying up the lounge room, or mop/sweep the floor -- seriously, anything helps and she will appreciate it!). Helping out in chores will also give her more time to spend with you. Keep the bonding going, remember why you two were together in the first place. If you two love music, go to a concert together or listen go to a jazz night at the local pub and have a couple of drinks together to relax.

Also, give her something to want. Maybe you've put on some of the extra pounds or have forgotten the importance of the deodorant throughout the years. Get a nice new haircut, put away the Old Spice and get a new cologne that suits you, wear some nice clothes, and either start buying some weights to lift at home or start hitting the gym and pay attention to what you're eating. Your new vigilance to improve yourself will also motivate your partner to do the same (without you having to tell her to leave the snacks alone). Healthy couples also have healthy sex appetites. Exercising together will not only increase your bond, but the feel-good chemicals produced in your brain from working out will help you get a little frisky in the bedroom too.

I'm sure by now you've got the gist of what I'm getting at. Freshen things up, put in the effort, help your wife feel sexy and relaxed, help out in the house, improve yourself, and get into activities that will strengthen your bond.

Oh and lastly, no more begging her for sex. It's not sexy and it's pretty pathetic as it makes you seem like sex is all you want, without trying to make her feel good first. Take charge, and be the confident man she wants that will turn her on! Good luck