Sending my boyfriend to counseling or rehab

For the last 4 months my boyfriend has been doing drugs like crazy.
I mean I don't mind if he smokes weed once in awhile. I do that with him. but he smokes everyday. & it upsets me cause I like talking to my boyfriend; not the pothead.
well he was also on Loritabs; & oxycotton really bad too. he told me today
he is going to stop doing that. & I have trust in him. last time I did he screwd
it up & just got worse. but im trying to show him I have confidence in him.
but he said he wont stop doing weed everyday. he was abused till he was
about 15 by his step dad too. & my step dad came in here yelling at him
while I was out tlking to my mom & my boyfriend said it brought memories up &
he started crying & he has never cried in front of me. I only want too send
him too one. Rehab or Counsiling ? but how would I talk him into it also ?
I really want him too go & get help before I end up giving up cause I've
been going threw this for 4 months but im in love with him & I don't want too
lose him. please help me.

well I agree on the pills they can really mess up not only your body but your mind
as for the weed everyday dont stress it...it really dosent change you much...I know a bunch of people who smoke everyday and theyre actually really smart.bbut I do encourage the counseling...he oviously has a lot of hard times behind him...but perhaps you dont even need to go that far...try getting him to open up to you about it...so again pot not a big deal...but issues are.
good luck
-v-

First thing you have to do to encourage him, is give up the pot yourself. If he sees you can do it, he may get the courage.

Then you have to talk to him when he is straight and express how upset you are watching him go through this and do this to his body. Fine he was abused, but he cant blame the mistakes of his parents for screwing up his own life. Encourage him to take a stand, get strong and off the drugs to show his parents he is going to turn out ok despite the things they put him through. Then suggest counselling first, one step at a time, its going to take time if he is willing, maybe see someone about his issues, if he works thru his pain he hasnt let go of towards his father, he may start to let the drugs go becos he wont need them to ease his pain.

If that still isnt working, then rehab is the only other option, but you have to make him see its the best thing for him and your only suggesting these things becos you love him and dont want to see him hurting anymore.

Dear pinkroxy1151,
First of all it isn't up to you to send him to rehab or counselling. But it is up to you to discuss this with his parents or care giver. Express your concerns with them and tell then what you know about his addictions. You spoke with your boyfriend already about his addictions. Even if you do not think so it is dangerous to confront an addict especially when they are using even if you think he won't be dangerous. Leave this to the adults to sort out. You can tell him that you refuse to see him unless he is clean...this may make the difference and he may start seeking help. If he doesn't, that's not unusual and you must keep your distance from him till he does go. Being afraid you will loose him is selfish. He is already lost without help. Step back and let him think about what he is doing and let him get help. If you accept this behaviour he will feel he doesn't need the help and you will loose him anyways with an overdose, car accident etc.
Sue...good luck

As a recovering drug addict myself, I can say the only was for someone to get/stay clean is if they 100% want to. If he's not ready to get clean yet, he won't, no matter who tries to do what to him. He may get scared into temporarily quitting, but it won't last forever if he's not ready to stop.

The best thing you can do(like mentioned above somewhere), is talk to him about it. Let him know how he's destroying himself and those around him. Don't give him an ultimatum(as in "Choose me or drugs" as that'll anger him and he'll choose drugs(as will all drug addicts, even if they say "I choose you", he'll just start sneaking the drugs in)

The best thing you can say, if you feel at all like leaving him is something like "I can't be with you until you're clean"

Be careful how you word it, you don't want it to sound like he has to choose on the spot. It's going to take time after he decides to clean up. Usually a drug addict won't hit that point in time until he/she has lost almost everything and hit rock bottom...Unfortunately if the repercussions of his using aren't severe enough, he won't stop.

It usually takes a big slap in the face for us addicts to realize we need to stop, and actually have the will to quit completely.

First off, HE has to want the counseling. If he is a drug addict then you have your hands full. He has to have a realization of what he is doing hurts you. Nothing you will be able to tell him probably won't have an effect on him. Since he apparently has a substance abuse problem then the best thing for you to do is to get him to understand that what is he doing is something called self-medicating. That is where you use street drugs to substitute an actual real solution to his problems.

I used to use drugs because of an avoidance thing with the problems in my life. I would tell myself that I know it doesn't stop the pain it just lessens it some. By doing this, I never really got better. I made several suicide attempts and became a loser. I had to move away from all my sources and everything that was causing me giref in my life to finally want to change. It was an extreme thing I did but I really put a lot into wanting to change to the point of leaving almost everyone and everything I knew behind to start my life over. But, it took self-realization for this to happen. Nothing my family would say to me or any of my friends would matter as I was always high on pot to really give a crap about what they said to me. I now know that because I was always high I stopped caring and couldn't focus on what and how to better my situation and my environment. I am now sober off of everything. I'm also in college. Go me.

As for you, this is my advice to you. If you do want to tough this out and go the distance then make sure you really do love the guy. You might also have to accept the fact that no matter what treatment he goes through or how many counselors he talks to that he will never change. I think that it's great that you want to try to salvage your relationship and make things better for you and your b/f. But, can you handle it if things don't change or seemingly get worse? I'm not saying that this is the case only that it is a very real possibility.

As for how you talk to him tell him something like this. "I feel that we have become distanced by what you are using everyday. You might not see it as a problem but we never really talk anymore. We don't do the same things that we used to do. You're always high. It's really hurting me that you want to spend more time high then spend time with me. Do you relly need to do this everyday? Why do you need this? Am I important to you in your life anymore? I want to help you get through this but I don't know if I can emotionally handle this anymore. You are hurting me by distancing yourself from me and I feel you slowly slipping away. Please get help. Please let me help you. Let me in. I know that you're hurting but please don't take this out on me. I love you and I want to see you get better one day and I don't think you can do this if you are always high. Please don't shut me out. I know that you really do care for me but it seems lately you really don't." Tell him something along the lines of that. Don't tell him that exactly but I think you will be able to find the words. Just look into your heart and say the words that you are afraid to tell him. It's ok to be afraid of losing him because you might have already lost him to the drugs. I really hope that you haven't but this might be the case.

But, at first, he might not listen to you. So be prepared for that if it does actually happen. But, don't get discouraged. However, here is a truth about addicts. When someone gets addicted to something everything else in their life comes second.

It seems that he is smoking pot to lessen the pain of his past. And, now he is moving on to harder man-made chemical substances. Rehab might do him a world of wonder. Just remember one thing through all this. If he truly wants to change then be there for him. And, I really do mean to be there for him. Emotionally. I don't know what else to tell you but you can always write me to talk about this or anything. I mean that with the most honorable of intents on this. So I hope things work out. Good luck.

to go to rehab for weed is just ridiculous
for anything else id send him
weed is healthy and it regulates everything in the human body
it keeps me away from drugs its my antidrug

lol dont listen to what people tell u, its all misleading information
you need to do your own research and see for urself

These are some of the comments I have copied from a forum

-pharmaceuticals are known to kill more people than illegal drugs

-marijuana is the number 1 cash crop in the world
it serves as a natural medicine and has many other uses
thats why they prohibited it so big companies can make more profit
thanks to "bad journalism"

-can also help aids patients, aids diminishes appetite
have them smoke a joint and they regain their appetite counteracting the illness

-no one can die from smoking cannabis and has been no known deaths compared to everything else including alcohol, tobacco, etc..

I myself have asthma and smoking opens up my airways making it easier to breathe with no side effects
when medically legalized in my state I look foward to becoming a patient for prescription marijuana. 12 states have already legalized it along with other countries in the world and more following
my job is to educate people that are not aware of the plants uses

re-legalize!

-I did most of my research through websites, books, magazines, and the news
norml.org
high times magazine
etc..

- theres more to it than just getting high
and I believe legalizing it would make this a better world to live in

-God bless the whole crop!

- and for people that dont smoke, you dont need to smoke it to support it

-all the better reason for the government to legalize..
couple reasons why it should be legalized:
-will be removed from black market and stop empowering gang members
-medical reasons
-would be sold like alcohol, remember alcohol was once prohibited too (in stores away from children, have to be 21+)
-would be a law that you cant drive while intoxicated on weed
-prison population would lower (prisons are overcrowding with nonviolent offenders)
-keep patients from being convicted
-would provide millions of jobs for people
-would make us an independent country (fuel, etc.., debt free america)

people with an addiction (including hard drugs) shouldnt be thrown in jail, they need help
theres more people in jail with mental illnesses than there are in mental institutions

the list goes on

- the War on Drugs is a failure, its a war on its own people. policies need to be changed
we pay billions in taxpayers money to keep the war going and neither side is winning
thats just a waste of our tax money
I wonder what they do with all that money..
those greedy bastards just sell drugs back onto the street, you can even check urself on that
there was a time when there was a cia operation transporting drugs overseas into america
the government also provided Rick Ross with plenty of heroin to go around, course making money from it

the truth must be exposed, theyre dirty work must stop!

-Of course we can do something about it, we all just need to unite
screw the federal government
remember slavery?
if no one stood up im pretty sure it would still be going on
people were tortured, beaten, killed and thrown in jail but that didnt stop them standing up for their rights
eventually slavery was abolished
same with alcohol prohibition
eventually became re-legalized

- its like theres some kind of conspiracy going on
I sense the government is up to no good and trying to control us.
credit cards, money, and now they have chips that can be implanted in skin for uselful reasons but if in the wrong hands well were pretty much fuct
they hiding the truth from us
its dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
they got theyre privacy but we dont. they want to know everything were doing on our leisure time

get up stand up!

- marijuanas not anti-establishment because its illegal, its illegal because its anti-establishment

all facts stated have been double-checked and confirmed
want to learn more?
norml.org
americandrugwar.org
hightimes.com
lets all make this a better place to live in!