Poems what do you think?

Stunning eyes
Betray your lies
Give into the truth
Your naive youth
They speak a fortune
Given away
A million dollars
Is on display
Thoughts strung together
Tie your open pain
So smile through it all
And hop aboard this train...
Prepare for the ride
Though it may be tough
And you may be weak
This trip will be rough
It will only get harder
But if it gets better
Please let me know
Please write me a letter.
---
One Who Felt
Her smile's not a smile
Just a curve of her lips
To match today's style
And be her eclipse

Her hands, these days,
Speak louder than her voice,
Writing the phrase,
To show her true choice.

Her laugh sounds silent,
Cliche and fake,
To her it's almost violent,
Her insides, they ache.

She gasps at the sight,
Of something that's real,
Frightened by delight,
That something really feels,

Not invincible or plastered,
But vulnerable and in pain,
A beautiful disaster,
Who melts in the rain.

She reaches to touch it,
And at once feels attached,
A light has been lit,
They will never be dispatched.

What do you think? Any advice? =]

if you truly wrote that yourself you are gifted , try useing this great imagination in writeing stories and not just poems

thanks, I've been trying to write a story for a while but I get bored with my ideas sometimes

omg!!! I love it. if only you can publish it into a book then you will be famous for your writing.

they were REALLY good! you used great descriptive words, and I could feel the emotion in them! good job!

Oh the first line of the second poem is the title, by the way. I should have underlined that

Wow that' really great.

They're really cool!

Very well done you need to copyright it to do this do a poor mans copyright print it out thenm mail a copy to yourself and do not open...you are very talented