Constructive criticism on my poem?

An endless heaven is what I see

For moments of happiness this is the key

Holding the habit in the palm of my hand

Nobody is able to understand

Surrounded by serenity I close my eyes

Reality drifts away as fantasy starts to rise

I take a deep breath...

and listen intently

To the ruffled sounds all around me

My mind starts to set

The pain I soon forget

Bliss is all I know

High overtakes the low

Thoughts begin to dance

my senses start to enhance

I lost another breath

A game of sudden death

My vision is now blurry

I dont seem to worry

My hands now shake

did I make a mistake?

Movement changed to slow motion

My body is colder then the artic ocean

Did time just stop?

My crimson eyes now drop

My once tingling body is now numb

Silently staring is what I have become

Watching cracked moving lips

Downhill now I slip

My heart is now pounding

The feeling is astounding

Poisoned blood runs through my veins

However my existence still remains

The tangled voice of my friend

The words I cannot comprehend

Everything echoing in my head

Is it possible I am dead?

Falling in and out of delusion

All thats left is confusion

Panic and fear now invade

Will this feeling ever fade?

Reassuring myself every so often

That the intensity will soon sofen

Lightheaded now I lay down

In agonizing delight I will drown

(It has to be this long, how can I make it sound better and more intense? Do you understand the point of this poem?)

I understand the point, you (or the main character) is suicidal/depressed and cutting themselves.

It's very...uhm...graphic? No, more like depressing.

It's nice.

You have a talent.

=]

I think it is very good and intense . The point I got was doing drugs , only because that is how I use to feel before I got clean three years ago . Keep writing you have talent.

PEACE

wow...honestly, it's breathe taking, I'm in total shock right now...
I love how it draws me into it, like a familure place
I don't know,the only I could to answer your question to make it more intense is you can probably describe certain feelings a bit more
but I dont think you should change this one though...
try it on your next one

F*CKIN GREAT JOB !!!

it's so...wow! I love poetry and this is oneof the best I've ever heard. I understand completely. a poem about drug use, right? I love it. don't change it