What do you think of my poem draft?

I lay awake with no where to go.
I turn to my left and
See nothing but a hole. A
Black lifeless hole.

For that crack is filled with
Nothing but with my soul. Its dark,
And waiting to be lit, with the fire that
Burns so deep inside my heart.

For that sight saddens me and so
Subtly reminds me of my slowly
Dying past.

I turn to my right to get away of all the
Flashing memoires that
Show the real me. I see a bright colored
Field with nature showing of
With its beauty, and the happy nation
That’s being presented to me.

Again it saddens me for I do
Not know which way to lead.
Should I just stay with my prior self?
And fall into a lonely abise, or should
I join the happy people with there
Regular lives?

Before I know it I’m slowly
Leaving life itself. Before I think about it
I don’t have to make a decision because
I have been departed from life and now sitting
With him.

It's very good, but kind of exorbitant with the word 'I'...

BEAUTIFUL!!! bravo,bravo

I think its good

you SUCK thats terebel BOO!!!

In all honesty, I think it's a good poem for a beginner, but not great.
I think it's a little cliche'
But keep writing and I'm sure your words will become more real, rather than so concrete and forced.

That was so nice. If you ever put out a book of poems I would buy about 1.7 million dollers worth of that book.!!!

BOO!! BOO!!!