Please give me your veiws and past expriences - domestic violence

Hi, I need to hear others veiws and past expriences on domestic violence. I want to know if abusers can really change and if there is hope and to not let go of the one you love. Please write as much as you like. Thank you.

I WAS BEATEN BY MY PEARENTS, I DONT THINK PEOPLE CAN CHANGE FROM THEIR WAYS UNLESS THEY GET PROFESSIONAL HELP SUCH AS COUNCELLING. MY PEARENTS ARE ALCHOLICS AND THEY HAVE A 6 YEAR OLD DAUGTHER WHICH IS MY SISTER, I AM VERY WORRIED ABOUT HER BECUASE I KNWO WHAT I WENT THROUGH. I DONT THINK PEOPLE CHANGE.

Um, I'm currently in a relationship with someone who abused me in the past. I took him to court over it and made him stop that way. It was wild, but we got back together (like all the domestic violence pamphlets say). Just the other day he smacked me again after four months of nothing. I don't know if abusers really change, but I understand loving someone who has a hitting problem (and more). It is so hard to get away from that especially because of money, love and logistics. I stayed in a woman's shelter for three weeks and ended up getting lice which is horrible (don't have it now). It felt more dangerous than staying with him when he's really mad.

I try to watch out when he drinks, when we have no money or when anything is stressful. I don't let weapons come in the house and only have one kitchen knife which I hide as soon as sh*t goes down. I don't pull it out if he gets scary because he's so much stronger than me. I always have my cell phone handy but the other day when he smacked me he broke my cell phone and all my cigarettes.

If I didn't a son with him, things would probably be a lot different. It really sucks to love someone so much and have that same person be a total monster. I'm trying my hardest to tell myself that I am a good, pretty woman and never let his words go into my heart. We very rarely have sex, he has tried to defeminize me (by calling me a dyke), he mopes around a lot when things aren't going his way and I have this crazy feeling that he has talked bad about me to other people so that his stories will hold up more than mine. Now, a bunch of people who used to like me think I'm nuts, my parents are mad at me because he is often a jerk, I have no money so I can't go anywhere and I know he would spend the rest of his life trying to track me down because he is in love with his son.

I suppose that over a long period of time with this person it would be impossible to realize just how incredible life can be without a constant downer around all the time. The love that is there for him is probably there for myself in all actuality. What I love in him is what are really my strong points which are that he is sexy and interesting, and very charming when he's not in as*h*le mode.

So I guess I'm just as confused as you are. I always say "that's it-I'm out of here" when it happens, but then that overpowering feeling of love and safety when he is not being a monster. If you have to leave, then go- if you stay just know that mine didn't change even after I took him to court (where the judge believed him and not me because he was crying and saying "I love her! I love her!". Ha! Jokes on me.

THank you so much sillyme and Marilynmonroe. Sillyme reading your entry it sounded so much of myself. Im in love with this man and I wish he would change he says its me that makes him angry and does what he does to me. Its my fault and If I want it to stop I will have to change. I hope everything gets better for you real soon. Love Danielle

sillyme do you think thats much of alife for you or your child to grow up in? you are always on edge, you can tell this from what you wrote, it doesnt seem you can relax your always making sure you got your phone hand and hiding knifes, this is not a normal way to live...... your son is going to grow up thining its normal to hit women... I suggest you get out of there it doesnt soudn like he has changed at all

I have recently come out of a bad relationship which involved domestic violence daily it was really hard , I am just lucky I still had my family but nearly lost them too. For me it was like being in prison was allowed no contact with anyone could not even go out to play with my children I experienced the feelings of fear daily its hard to explain the feeling all I know is get out they are not worth it I can now live with no feeling of fear thats until I go out I have not come face to face with him yet and that frightens me.I have a son with him but I am going to do all I can to protect him from the abuse I left several times but he blackmailed me into going back and gets you to think its your fault but I think deep down you know whats normal its just hard to face up to it. This time I have broke the chain I am free again and yes life is worth living my children are now happy and thats means everything to me not worth ruining there lives just think there is help out there do it for yourself and your child you deserve better .

beleive me they don`t change promises promises comes to nothing. I have lost everything but, he has lost more I may of lost material things but I have people around me now that love me for who I am he has not people only give him the time of day because they are affraid off him. Children are affected by this behavior beleave me he had children and they are affected greatly not going to let that happen to mine I am in controll of my life now and not someone controlling me. Deep down they know what they do they are just cowards beleive me there are some good men out there my dad is living proof he cried for days when he found out what I had been throw infact it brings a tear to my eyes good luck to all of you who go throw this .

Thank you FREEDOM !!!!!! good luck to you.........

This is for danille, I am a new member on this site. I been having many problems with my girlfried. You ansered a few of them. Your advice means a lot. My girlfriend just started college and she is avoiding me. I am up all night and can't sleep. She may be pergant, I don't know. My question is should I address how I feel even though it may mean that we will break up if she tells me she wants too? Or should I avoid the topic and live stressed out wondering. Read my question that I just posted about this topic and post your view. Thank you.

Hi, I think you already got enough advices, but anyways. My best girlfriend had this guy who was beating her. He was always saying he's sorry, crying, telling this would not happen again. But he didn't stop. I've seen her all in blood, with bruises on her face, just everywhere. She loved him very much and after he said he's sorry she returned to him. However, as time passed(they spent 2 and 1/2 years together) she started realizing that he will always beat her. She was very scared. Told him that if he comes close to her, we will kill him and she was serious. Now, they've been separated for 2 years and they see each other from time to time. They're just friends. Crazy thing is you can never guess that he's this type of person. So, just forget about him, the sooner the better