Not to sure how to handle this

I'm 18 weeks pregnant right now, my boyfriend and I have been together for close to three years now. We haven't had the best relationship but seemed to stay together. We do love each other, well I know I love him, not so sure about him in regards to his actions. he has a previous child, a 6 year old boy and I have a previous child, a 4 1/2 year old girl. My daughters father is not around, so it makes it easier for me that way. However his ex is still in the picture. Right now some bad stuff is going on and she got evicted from her apartment for some bad decisions and bad moves on her part. She is being reckless and not taking care of her son. Her family wants my boyfriend to step in and get full custody, he has him full time now due to the fact she has nowhere to go. She isn't showing up to see her son or anything, court can't do anything without some proof now, which he's waiting on from the police. He's been very stressed with all that's happening, the company he works for got sold so he;s probably losing his job, he's not used to having his son full time and is missing work and she's being impossible and he feels sorry for his son. On top of that I am pregnant, we don't live together, I have my own place and he has a house with his brother. We were supposed to buy a house together but now I don't think that is happening. I don't know how to feel because he's ignoring me and shutting me out. He treats me like sh*t and wont be involved with this pregnancy. I understand he's going through a lot but I just don't know how to handle this situation. He's been emotional abusive in the past, he's a perfectionist and tends to be a very angry person. We've had some bad things in our relationship but this time seems different. I just don't know what to do...I'm trying to be supportive but I feel like he's still being an as*h*le to me and I don;t know if I should just let it go and bite my tongue and get him through what he's going through now...and I feel selfish for being really upset and hurt that he isn't happy about the baby or coming to any of the appointments or anything. I feel strange that we'll be living in separate places even after the baby is born...I just need some advice on how to handle this situation and any insight at all would be great. I know it's hard to give advice when there is so much more that is needed to know but when it comes down to it I love this man despite his faults and I really want to make it work. I know he needs counseling, his mom agrees, but how to you get someone to go to counseling when tehy don't want to or think they dont have a problem?? I'm so confused and stressed out! I'm also a full time chemical engineering student. The baby wasn't planned, I have one more year to go, now I have to take a year off and I think that's upsetting him too, cause our money situation is tight. Should I just back off for a bit and not even bring up the baby?? Or should I voice my concern, he seems to get really mad when I say anything at all lately, I'm nagging, I'm this, I never shut up...and so on and so forth, very short fuse lately.

Well it sounds to me like you need to sit him down and have a heart to heart! Everything you are saying to us, you need to say to him, even if he gets mad! Maybe he needs to speak to you as well, but doesn’t know what to say! Communication is key in ANY relationship, whether it is business or personal! If you keep your mouth shut about something that is bothering you, it will only get worst, and you may end up splitting apart, and I am sure you do not want to do that with his baby on the way!

Keep your head up, you are pregnant, go for long walks to calm down when you are upset! They baby feels you emotions, emotions are chemical reactions in your body, and do effect a baby!

Things happen in our lives not by chance, but by fate and sometimes you need to let go of your fears whatever they maybe and jump into things, even if you're not sure of the outcome, and see where it goes! If you were meant to last, then everything should work out with a lot of time, and communication! I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you are strong when challenges come along your way! Congratulations on your baby and good luck with this crazy situation that you are in right now!

**Corrine

thats not right. It shouldn't matter if he's all stressed out from that sh*t, your pregnant and that should be his main concern along with his other kid. If he can't make the appointments for valid reasons thats understandable(work, tight money situation) but if he's just doesn't want to theres something wrong with him. But I wouldn't suggest counceling, not yet anyway, probably just p*ss him off, it would me. im not really sure what to tell ya, it seems like you really needed to vent. And don't feel selfish about any of your feelings, your not in the wrong right now, he is. And you can't just back off and not mention the kid, its his kid too. I don't know, just sounds like your boyfriend and I are way different. When a girls pregnant with your kid your suppose to treat her like gold and be supportive. no matter how f*ckin stressed he is he shouldn't be taking it out on you. Sorry I couldn't be more help, but that is a tough one. I wasn't going to say this but, it seems like he doesn't want to have the kid, if thats the case. Your really going to have your work cut out for you if you don't fugure somethin out.

thank you both for responding! It helps to hear advice, I turned to the internet today just looking this stuff up and came across this site, and I'm glad I did! I agree he should be treating me better right now, no matter what happens in his life, I just hate this situation...I'm moving into a bigger place alone with my daughter instead of getting a house with him, it will be weird but I think I've decided that until he can prove to me and show me that he really does care and want to be there and that he wants to be supportive then I'm just going to do it alone! maybe he will be different if I can get him to the ultrasound. but I'm not even sure I want to try anything with him, I think he's the one who needs to help himself first, I've tried everything over the past three years, maybe I can't do anything at all but take care of myself, my daughter and this baby. again, thank you for the advice, it really made me feel better today