Not happy anymore/want to have an affair

want to have an affair. I have been married for 16 years. Unhappy for 12. Due to troubles. He has told me this year 2 times he is so close to getting a divorce. I don't understand why he didn't go file. I feel sometimes like I am living with a roommate, our sex is gone down the tubes. I am good firends with a guy I work with. He is having the same issuse at home. We both admitted to each other that we would like to be with each other. But a afraid to act out. He makes me feel good. We have our private talks but that is as far as it goes. Sometimes we can't cause the others we work with. He told me he is attracked to me the moment he first met me. Like I said we are afraid to act out on our feelings, but have the urge.

if you're not happy then file for divorce yourself. he doesn't have to be the one to take action. don't cheat on him. even though you emotionally aren't together anymore, don't have an affair. it's just morally wrong. wait until you have at least filed for divorce. you don't have to be completely legally separated to start dating other people, but just make sure your husband knows that it's over. but don't have an affair.

Thanks. I will take this to heart. I wouldn't do that. I know if its over, not to leave on bad terms. I just have this urge to and I know that I need to ignore it. I am afraid to leave. I don't know how I would be able to support myself.

dont have an affair if you2 get divorced he can use it against you!

Dear debs523,
I haven't heard of these many excuses for a long time...you have a bad marriage for 12 years and you are waiting for him to file??? What?...you file and move out. You have a job, that means a pay check. It's obvious you have no communication in your relationship or you would know why it isn't working, why he hasn't filed etc. For all you know he has another life and is happy but is afraid you may drain him financially in a divorce. It's time to grow up...tell him you are moving out, that you won't take him for a financial ride and that you wish him happiness and you move on with your life and start again. You aren't doing him or yourself any favours doing nothing. Get on with it. Life is short...we will love many in a life time that doesn't mean they all work. Time to move on.
Sue...good luck

Your situation is banal. Thousands of married couples know this problem: the respect and helpfulness to each other is still there, but the drive for sex is slept out. If you are broadminded enough then you may have a s*x affair/partner openly. If not, you may have it secretly.