Nightmares.

When I was little I was raped by sombody close to me. I spent years trying to cope with what happened and I finally started to make some progress but recently I started having nightmares about it. Its really been bothering me and I don't know what to do because I've never told anyone (except on here.) It happened so long ago and if I told my mother now it would break her heart. The worst part is that the guy who raped me is still in my life. Its very stressful but a long time ago I made it clear to him that if he tries anything again that I'd tell and he'd go to jail (or my mother would kill him.) It was just that one time and I still consider myself a virgin but the burden of carrying this secret is really starting to get to me. What should I do about the stress?

Whenever I had really hard stuff to deal with in my life, I always talked about it (sometimes to psychologists!) and it really helped. This is why I think you should talk to someone about it. The best might be to start with talking about it with someone that isn't close to you so you don't feel your revealing your secret before you are ready. The best would also be to see a counselor, therapist or psychologist because they can help you understand why you've started having nightmares all of a sudden and give you tips on how to deal with the stress. Obviously trying to cope with it your way hasn't worked so give it a try and, if possible avoid the person who raped you as not to create more stress.

I see a counselor every Monday, group therapy every Thursday and I see a psychiatrist every month to help manage my medication. But I don't feel comfortable talking about it with anybody. I feel physically sick when I even consider talking about it in a face to face situation. And I can't really avoid the guy, I live with him.

you NEED to tell someone, even if it would break your moms heart I think she'd be glad you at least finally told her. What that person did to you is wrong, and if your not comfortable with the fact it happened, you should do something about it. Its not fair for you to suffer becuase of what he did to you. & you shouldnt have to cope with it alone.

I agree with xxsunkistd. You have the right to a life without nightmares and never ending counseling (especialy one that isn't concentrated on this major issue). What if talking about this could help with other problems in your life? Your Mom gave birth to you, loved you, raised you and protected you. She wouldn't wish for you to suffer at this alone. I understand you want to protect her but by protecting her you are hurting yourself. You really need to talk about this with someone because it is hurting you.

U got to stand up for urself.Talk it out.what happnd 2 you was wrng.Talk it out wid your mom.N also b brave and don't b let down easily.Live your life d best way possible.N do everything you want 2 in your life.don't let d ghosts of your past affect your present.

but you see if I told my mom she would either have him arrested or kill him (seriously) but he is the provider of the family. If we loose his income we would loose the house, move away, basically give up our lives. I'm the oldest of 4 kids and I'm 17. I have a 13 year old sister and an 11 year old sister and a 4 year old brother/ cousin (he's my cousin but we adopted him) I can't ask them to give up their lives for me. Its unfair to them. My father was also very neglectful so while my mother worked I took care of my younger sisters at the age of 7 so I kind of have a motherly instinct going on and I can't force them to leave their friends. We barely have enough money as it is and if he's gone we'll loose everything. I've learned to take control over the situation and I made it clear that if he even looks at one of my sisters the wrong way I'd have to cut his heart out but I keep having these nightmares. Telling my mother is out of the question. But these dreams have to stop somehow. ... But how?

I dont leave my younger sisters and brother alone with him either. It gets on their nerves a bit but I hardly ever leave their sides when he's not at work. I make him call before he leaves work everyday so I can round up the kids and keep them far away but I haven't slept in so long and I dont know how much longer I can go on like this.

look you conscience wants you to tell the truth

and we both no your mom would be hurt but she has to know its just as bad as lieing to her for every action their is an equal and opposite reaction I think your dream are telling you now is the time to tell or someone you love will be nexted